Holiday Greetings!

This is the picture that I've put in all my Christmas cards this year. My two sweethearts..

Joyful Kitty

This is our cat Jasper. He brings us lots of joy. His favorite person is MG. Can you tell?If she's upset or crying, he comes running to her to snuggle and make her feel better. Yesterday, he decided to climb the fake Christmas tree. :-)

An Elf and a Reindeer

Here are my two kids getting into the Christmas spirit. :-)

Happier Christmases

A few years ago when I was visiting my family down South, I found this awful picture of my mom at Christmastime just three months after my dad died in an accident. It made me cry to see the picture because I could see the raw pain on my mom's face. She looked so lost. I never want to see that picture again.

Christmases have been a difficult time for my mom. Those were the most difficult and depressing times for her. She would go to some dark place. This affected me and I have always felt sad at Christmastime too. The magic died with my dad... that is until I had my own children to celebrate Christmas with.

Now I feel some of that magic that I felt as a young child. It's fun to see the kids so excited about Christmas. I have one of those prelit trees except one of the cats bit through a wire, so the lights no longer work. I had three strands of red lights, so I put those on and they look even prettier than the originals.

At MG's preschool, she's been learning about the birth of Jesus. They made these little clothespin dolls that they put in little mangers. MB wanted his own baby Jesus, too, so I helped him make one. MG has been going to a Christian preschool this year, so she has been learning alot of bible stories. She is so happy there.

Even though I do have happier Christmases now, there's still a struggle to fall into the old feelings. I tend to feel sad for no reason in the winter. I really truly need to actively do things to combat this. And that doesn't mean eat more! That's how I tend to deal with depression in the Winter, but I know what I really need to do. Exercise, write and do crafts. Those things make me feel better, so that's what I need to do.

This is It

I'm really going to seriously start my exercise program tomorrow morning... before I eat gobs of turkey and dressing. Some things happened recently to make me stop and realize that I have to do something to feel better about myself. I know exactly what needs to be done, too. I need to lose weight and get dental work done. I've been putting off the dental work especially because of the cost, but I've been researching some other options that are much cheaper and would work for helping me right now. Anyway, I just realize how important it is for me to feel good and have the self confidence to be the best that I can be. We just have this one life and I need to take better care of myself.

It's been a terrible day here. I can't talk about it here, but it has to do with someone I care about not getting a promotion. :-( I know these things happen, but it really hurts me and feels like it happened to me. I've been crying all day about it on and off. I'm not only hurt about the situation, but I'm aching because of how badly he is taking it. I really feel rotten. But it makes me realize that I have to do something to make our lives better and maybe starting with how I feel about myself is the best place to start. Then I'll be better able to help my family.

Twilight Zone

Do you ever have one of those days that you feel like you're losing your cool? I'm usually able to be patient and calm with my kids these days, but today it was so hard. I'm going to tell you what happened today in detail so that I can try to sort out why it was a hard day and why I feel so bad about it.

1. I woke up to a messy house and realized that I'd need to clean it up today. Then I had the idea to rearrange some of the furniture to help resolve the messy house syndrome. Well, I ended up going through all of MB's clothes and weeding out his size 3's since he can't fit into them anymore. Then I moved a big dresser into his bedroom and put all of his clothes into that.

2. Meanwhile, the kids are off in other parts of the house making messes that they normally don't make. They poured all of the clean laundry (some of it already folded) out of the laundry baskets onto the floor, blew there noses on tissues and threw the tissues on the floor, poured milk all over the table and onto the floor on purpose, threw lots of toys on the floor, dumped their dad's baseball card collection all over the floor, dumped other things on the floor...the floor had a rough day.

3. By the time I finished my rearranging of the furniture, there was all the above messes on the floor to clean up. And it was time to cook dinner. And it was time to wash dishes. I felt totally overwhelmed and stressed out and sad. I got so upset with the kids because after making the messes they took off outside and got in the car. And they weren't dressed! I had to chase them around the yard because they were in their undies and have terrible colds and it's cold outside!

The thing is, they seemed to not understand that these were not good things to do. I was so upset. Then it was time to go to work and in my anger I said that I was going to work and not coming back! Poor MG believed me and cried. Then MM came home and mentioned how messy the house was! What a day. I just can't figure it out. Was it just one of those bizarre days that comes only once in a great while that just can't be explained and I should just forget that it ever happened????? I hope so.

Living in a Place Where I Didn't Grow Up

Sometimes I feel lonely. I miss the people that I grew up with. I miss my mom and brothers and friends. I need to keep in touch with my family more, but it is difficult to make time. I wonder if I should make a blog for my family. I don't know...maybe it would be a neat thing to do & I could say hello to everybody everyday if I wanted to do it that way. :-)

That's Called Being a Mom

How can I become more energetic? I feel so tired and sometimes get mopey and lazy. I really don't like this about myself. Would exercise help? I've talked to my friends and even my doctor about feeling tired all the time and they all basically say "That's part of being a Mom". Really? Should I really be THIS tired ALL the time? And should I be up at this hour at 12:30 AM? There's part of my problem. I really should do the following and see if this will help. Go to bed by 10:30PM. Do some form of exercise each morning even if it's only 15 minutes. Those are the main things that I can think of. Seems simple enough. I've also just got over a really horrible cold that made me cough alot, so I didn't feel like exercising at all during that.

Positive Thinking=Motivation... ABSOLUTELY!

I really want to be worry free. Worrying always leads to depression in my case. Maybe worrying makes some people take action, but not with me. It makes me depressed and binds me. I just want to cut loose from worrying and let it go.... through prayer, exercise, whatever. When I'm not worried about our money situation, my hubby gets mad at me. He thinks that I'm ignoring the situation. I don't know what to do about this. I don't want to worry since worrying ALWAYS leads to me being depressed. I will not worry about this. I WILL NOT!!!!! Positive thinking is really what motivates me. I HAVE to be positive to be motivated to do something!

May Try to Get a Second Job

It's just a little beyond a thought right now. With our money issues, I am looking around for maybe a weekend evening job. There may be something temporary that would be a good fit, so that's what I've started looking for. I'm a little worried because there may be some sort of cuts at our jobs since they are tax funded, so I'm trying to think of options.

Have I talked about my kids' money saving? We reward them with spare change when they do something good or improve at something. They saved up for their swing set that we got in the Spring. Now we're saving up for our next vacation. They are set on going to the beach and it's so cute to see them so excited about it and already saving up for it.

My Warped View of Money

Today was a little depressing since my hubby, and I have been discussing money. It's my least favorite thing to talk about. There was never much of it when I was growing up, so I learned to not even think about money. Anyway, this really is an area of argument between us, because he talks about it and I get quiet. I just hate worrying about money, so I avoid thinking about it altogether. There's something worse than being poor. I know. It's hard for me to explain what I mean or how I feel about it. I hate money. It's just paper and metal that we have to use to buy things. Money sucks.

I know that my view is a little irrational since we need money to take care of our kids and to have enough food to eat and to pay our bills. I don't know how my mom took care of me and my brothers on so little and without my dad's income. We were lucky to have family around us who helped us. My grandparents didn't have much, but they always provided us with garden vegetables including canned veggies in the winter. The love and care of extended family is what helped me to survive. I'll never forget that.

The Love of a Child

"I love you." MB said those three words to me for the first time today. It melted my heart. :-) I was feeling tired, hungry and a little stressed today... so that made it all better. Isn't he sweet?

MG kept me on track with my diet today. She is such a smart little cookie. I was eating these buttery crackers and she said "Mommy, I think that's enough crackers. I'll get you a celery." She then went to the fridge, got a celery stalk and then washed it for me. MG to the rescue! She also said "Mommy, you have bloomed down a little." She's my little cheerleader.

The Secret M&M Diet

I have lost about 3 pounds so far, and this is my sixth day on the South Beach Diet. I haven't been completely strict with it. For example, I stashed a small pack of M&Ms in the cubbard. When I got a chocolate craving and couldn't take it anymore, I'd sneak a few M&Ms. I've never made a small pack of M&Ms last so long. :-) It really is a change in the way of eating for me. I've been eating much healthier and feel less hungry than other diets that I've tried. This one seems to be good because I'm changing my eating habits rather than starving myself. 3 pounds down.. it's a start!

Jesus Sneezes

One day earlier this week my daughter said "Jesus sometimes sneezes and coughs". I said "Whaaaaat?" Then she sang the song that she had learned in preschool that day entitled "May Jesus Bless You". :-)

I'm REALLY really REALLY having a weight problem. Even though I felt that I had exercised more, my last doctor's appointment I was 5 lbs heavier than the time before. That really stinks. I have been more stressed out lately, so maybe I've been eating more or something. Too many sweets. My doctor recommended the South Beach Diet, so I'm going to check out the book from the library and see if it's something that might help me. Sigh. Gotta bloom down!

I'm now going to post on my Southern girl blog. I haven't posted their in a long time, but something came up at work about the way I pronounced a word. I've stayed away from that blog a while, but might like to start posting there again.

Blooming Down

"Mommy, you need to bloom down." That's my daughter's invented phrase for "losing weight". I think that's a sweet way to put it. :-) I guess she thinks I'm all bloomed out like a HUGE flower. I'm slowly working on getting more exercise. I don't see many results yet, but I know it's the right start. I'm feeling tired from the extra exercise. I hope that I'll get used to it and eventually feel more energized!


MG lost her first baby tooth today!!! She's only 4 and 1/2, so I wasn't expecting it so young. We noticed last week that it was loose, and it scared us at first. Then I saw the adult tooth already coming in. She was so excited tonight because the tooth fairy will visit! MG also played her first soccer game on Saturday. It was so much fun and so funny too. MG managed to kick the ball several times which was wonderful even though she was kicking it to the opposing team's goal! They were cute and had fun.

It's harder to have time to write these days. It's 1:19 AM right now, so I'd better go to sleep. I hear MB stirring. He has a cold and has been tossing and turning all night.

I Can Laugh About This Now....

I can laugh about this now, but it was scary when it happened and left me a little stressed out and tired. My work has moved to a newly renovated building that is three times bigger than the previous building. Well, they had just newly programmed the new alarm system and I was to be the first person to close the building one evening last week. This is what happened...

I closed the office and then went around the building to make sure that the crucial doors were closed. Then I went to the first floor lobby by way of the stairs and proceeded to set the alarm. It started beeping loudly and gave a message that a door was open somewhere in the building. So, I go running up and down the stairs and all through the place closing every single door in the whole place...felt like 50 doors. Then I close the door at the top of the stairwell, hurry down the stairs for the fifth time only to find the door at the bottom of the stairwell leading to the lobby locked and I can't open it! Then I run back up to the top of the stairs to find the door at the top locked and I can't open it either!!! That's when I panicked and realized that I'd left my purse and cell phone outside of the stairway beyond the locked door in the first floor lobby. For a good five minutes or maybe longer I thought that I was trapped with no way to alert anybody. It was scary. Then I gathered my senses enough to really look around and saw an emergency exit behind the stairs.

Whew! Then I was able to leave the building and fortunately had my car keys in my pocket! It all turned out OK in the end and I got home and was able to retrieve my purse, but it was such a scary thing to feel trapped like that! I even had a blister on my foot from running up and down the stairs and down the hallways so many times.

So, have you ever been stuck in an elevator or in a building? I've always been a little worried about elevators, but never thought that I'd have to be concerned about a stairwell!

Changes

My job has moved to a new location. It's mostly a good change, but I have a longer commute. This is my second day at the new place. My former office had no windows, so it was a treat to get to see the sunset this evening from our two windows. Instead of being in an industrial park, we are located at the edge of a small town with views of the countryside and farmland. Much better surroundings and more sunlight = a happier mood! :-) The only thing that spoils my mood is that it's evaluation time... my most unfavorite time of the year that I dread. Argh!!!

Tea Party Breakfast

These are pics of my kids having a tea party breakfast yesterday morning. See the uninvited guest? :-) Mr. Jasper our cat was so interested , so it looks like he's having his tea too!





We've been going out almost every day making for a busy summer. It's challenging finding low cost and free activities, but I have to since things have gotten so expensive! We have managed to have fun going to free events at the library and to parks to play.

My job has been ok although my department is moving to a different location that will be a longer drive for me. We're moving to a beautiful area in a small town, so it will be a nice atmosphere at least. Also, our new office will have a window!

Ah! Being busy with alot of things to accomplish makes me feel a little panicky. I need to sit down and make a list of things that have to be done or I will be so overwhelmed and inefficient.

Vacationing at Home

We're on vacation this week but have decided to do day trips to conserve money. Today we went to Gettysburg Pennsylvania since it's so close and visited a farm called "The Land of Little Horses". They have a variety of animals there including those sweet miniature horses, and the kids get to feed them and pet them. There were several baby horses too. It's a wonderful place to take little kids. I'll try to post pictures this week. :-) Tomorrow we plan to go picnicking at the park.

Kids Say the Cutest Things

One of my biggest daily joys is hearing my kids say cute things. It's just so funny and I wonder where they learned certain things that neither me or my hubby say. Here are a few that might make you chuckle...

MG and MB have both taken to saying "Of course!" when answering yes to any question.

The other day I was getting the kids ready to go see a free movie at the library and they were both yelling "ready for action!" as we were heading out the door. Well, MB's version was "Weddy fuh actun!"

Today MB was wearing his new batman PJ's for his nap. I was teasing him and said "Look, batman is taking a nap!" He said, "No, Mommy... this costume".

A few days ago MG informed me that MB's bellybutton was "broken" because it's an inny and not an outy like her's.

When we first got the kids their swing set, MB kept asking me to swing with him. I kept repeating that I was too big to fit in the swing. Finally, I said "I'm sorry, I'm just too fat to fit". He said "Take off your pants!" Then he proceded to take off his shorts and swing in his diaper.

When I was very sick a few weeks ago, I was lying down while the kids had the run of the house. They were taking turns putting DVDs into the player and when MB got the movie started, MG said "Look Bubby, now we're both geniuses".

My kids call each other "Bubby" and "Sissy". We're trying to teach MB to say his own name. He will tell you that his name is Bubby if you ask him.

Blah!

Life has been such a mixed up jumble of good and bad, crazy and sane, busy and bored. I don't know where to start. I'm usually too tired or too sad or too something to write. Does that make sense? I feel tired and unappreciated sometimes at work and at home. I know that I could do some things better or differently, but I think that nothing I do would be good enough. If I didn't feel so damned tired all the time maybe I could do more.

Happy Father's Day, Anyway!

This week started out all icky. First Mark was sick with a head cold that seemed almost flulike while the kids had a stomach virus. Then I got BOTH sicknesses at the same time! I have never felt so shitty... or at least I haven't in a long time. My ears were affected, so I was dizzy and could hardly stand up & I was throwing up. It really was awful, and I haven't handled it very well. It's hard to take care of sick kids when you feel like crap yourself. I am thankful that we have a swingset for the kids now. I was able to get them in the backyard to play while I sat down to watch them. Now the kids are getting the head cold part of being sick. I've been sick since Wednesday and am just now feeling quite a bit better physically. Unfortunately, I must have barfed up my depression medication, because I feel unusually sad. I think that's all it is, though, so I may feel back to normal tomorrow after a good night's sleep.

Even though Mark was sick, he fixed dinner tonight and he took off early a day or two from work to help me. I am thankful for him. He is a good husband and father. He puts up with alot from a sick crazy acting wife. I hope that we are feeling better tomorrow so that we can go celebrate father's day.

Visitors

My Mom, Aunt and two young cousins visited us this week. They got here last Sunday and stayed through today. It was such a good visit. Usually they don't stay this long, so it was nice to have extra time with them. They also had time to see Gettysburg and some other local sites here. It was fun. It really made me feel better and made up for the awful time we had when we visited my family last Fall. I also took the whole week off from work! :-)

My aunt is just three years older than me, so we really grew up playing together like sisters. We got to talk some and I found out that she has similar problems with depression. Like me, she had postpartum depression with both her kids! We also talked about my Grandmother (her mother) who had depression and who was abusive. It really was an eye opening talk. I also think that the depression is very much genetic in my mom's side of the family.

MM is trying to get a wound up little boy to go to sleep. My kids LOVED playing with their cousins, and now they are all played out. I am too!!!

A Little "Me" Time

I left work early feeling sick today, but instead of going straight home...I took advantage of the time and went and got a haircut. It's been well over a year since I had anything done to my hair! And it's been a long time since I took time to do something for myself, so I thought this would be a good thing for the start of "Mother's Day" week. And I really love my haircut. I had let my hair grow down to the middle of my back and I could do absolutely nothing with it except put it up. Now it's a little below my shoulders and layered. Love it! Now I'll wear it down more often. :-) This little exursion made me feel so much better. Maybe I need a "me" day ever so often.

Irksome Words

A well meaning family member is after us again. This one of the statements made tonight to try and persuade us to go to church. "What are you going to say when you stand before the lord?" Once again being judged solely on whether we're attending church. Also, poor MM was told that he needed to set an example for the kids.

That last thing really made my blood boil. MM is the best father and example to our kids. He takes care of them and does so much with them when I'm working. He has also chosen to work with kids for his profession. Those are wonderful things. His parents should applaud him for setting such a good example, not poo-poo him for not going to church.

Well, it's possible that Sunday school would be a good thing in our kids' lives, but this is NOT the way to persuade me to go. Actually, the best way to persuade me to go is to not say anything. Maybe invite me to church, but nothing more. If I choose to go, I'll go. If I decide that it's best for my kids, then I will go.

I've had alot of soul searching thinking about how I feel about organized religion. I grew up in the Southern Baptist denomination. The churches I went to taught racism and discrimination. They looked down on other beliefs and even other Christian denominations. It was disgusting. Maybe my experience was unique to growing up in the South. I don't know, but it has really turned me off from wanting to go to church.

Sorry, there were some good things about church, too, but the bad things are really sticking out in my mind right now. Ugh! I'll try to think of all the good things about church at some point. Sigh.

Weighty Issues

It always does me good to write about the things that are bothering me. First of all, my family is coming to visit in June. Remember, we had such a stressful experience with our visit down South when we went in the Fall? Well, when my my mom first told me that they were coming, I wasn't very joyful. And actually, it's my mom, aunt and my cousins who are coming. I guess I was kind of wanting to not deal with my family for a while. I am glad that they're coming... it's just that I still have sad feelings about our stay with my brother and sister-in-law.

The second worry is church. I want to take my kids to sunday school, but I don't want anyone to say anything about it or nag me about it. That very thing makes me put it off longer. I dislike being judged on this. I teach my kids about God behind the scenes, so it angers me when that gets poo-pooed just because we don't go to church. I do want to go for the right reasons, not from being nagged into it or being looked down upon. Sorry, this is really bothering me.

Enough, enough. I've spouted off and feel better now. :)

The Good Things

The kids did wonderfully using the potty this week. Hurrah! This is a huge deal for us. I guess we've been using alot of potty talk lately. MB was looking at a bulldozer dump truck book and he pointed at a pile of dirt in the picture and asked,"Dat poop?" He was so serious.

As you know, I was spoiled getting to work from home 90 % of my work time. That suddenly changed and now I have to go into work 100% of my work time. I realized a blessing in this today because it occurred to me to use my breaks for exercise! I also get time to talk to other adults and coworkers. I was very depressed about the situation a few weeks ago, but now I realize that it's good to have some time away from home. It's just 22 hours per week, so it's still a good thing for me right now. I admit that I'm feeling a bit happier getting to be more social and getting out of the house.

The lovely weather has lifted my spirits, too. Spring is my favorite time of the year, and it's been an especially beautiful one here. The flowers are blooming everywhere. I love it!

Money, Money, Money!

The potty training challenge has gotten easier ever since we began rewarding with money. We decided to reward the kids with money every time they use the potty instead of their diaper. They get a quarter which goes into the "swing set" jar. We're saving up for a swing set. MB loves to put money in the jar, so this has worked wonderfully for him. It cracked me up yesterday when on his way to the potty, he was yelling "money, money, money!"

Violets

Violets always make me think of my grandmother because she loved them. She had a table sitting in front of her living room window, and it was covered in violets of all colors. Today I was out shopping with MG and she insisted on a potted violet to take care of and keep in her room. She has already watered it and was filling of the dirt to see if it was too dry. It may be my imagination, but I feel like my grandmother is "tickled" that her great granddaughter loves flowers just as much as she did.

Not Writing

Do you ever have so much going on and so many feelings tumbling around that you find it difficult to write? That's the state that I've been in for months. I have been writing some poetry on my "secret" poetry blog more regularly... sometimes it is easier for me to write my feelings in poetry. :-)


What's been going on? Looking for a preschool for my daughter...this is going well, but I have to visit a couple to make the decision. Taking care of our cat whose injury looks much better. Trying to keep the kids from hurting each other. Twisting knots in my hair in my sleep because of stress. Dealing with the perpetual weirdness at work and trying to get to work without being late. This is difficult as you will see in my next paragraph.


I had just finished cooking dinner and Mark came in at 5:20. I have to get to work by 5:30 and it takes just exactly 10 minutes to get there driving fast. The next thing I know, MG has bumped my grandmother's bowl sitting on a counter top and it shatters on the floor. I have to leave it all to Mark to clean up feeling sad because it was the only thing that I had of my grandmother's. My fault because it should have been in a safer place. I managed to get to work only 5 minutes late despite all this. Now it's time to go home once again. Mark is very good.... he will probably have given the kids their baths. :-)

Peaceful Night

It was an inconvenience that our power was out for 28 hours, but there was a certain peacefulness to it too. The part that I liked most was when I put MB to bed and sang to him by candlelight. When he drifted off to sleep, I just stayed in the room and listened to Mark telling stories to MG out in the living room. They were "camping out" on the floor in sleeping bags telling stories. With that being said, I am SOooooooooooooooooooo GLaaaaaaaaaaaad that the power is back on!

March Madness

March has been so busy. I've been trying to pick a new preschool for my daughter since her current school is closing this year. Closeness in location is important, so I may have it narrowed down to two. I've also been working on potty training the kids which makes things a little busier. We're continuing to have problems with the older one!!! I'm not sure what the problem is there. I've been taking care of an injured cat. Plus, I used to telecommute 4 days per week, so I USED to have extra time here and there to get chores done. Now I'm going in to work, so those extra bits of time were taken away.

Poor Jasper (our injured cat). I took him back to the vet for his check-up, and he has reinfected the wound on his front right leg by licking it. Now he has to wear one of those collars that prevents him from cleaning himself. It looks like a lamp shade. He is not happy, although I can flip the collar back since it's flexible to allow him to clean himself a little. It's made him sad. He has to take antibiotics, have his wound cleaned and medicated with ointment several times per day. I have to say that he is the most easy-going cat I've ever met and lets me give him the medicine! Our other cats are crazy, and I usually get scratched! He is super nice.

I haven't felt depressed really, just more stressed! :-)

Best Friends

I just caught this precious moment today. Jasper is one of our outdoor cats. He was injured yesterday... actually he had an old injury that had got infected. He was treated at the vet and now gets to be an indoor kitty while he heals. He is VERY SWEET and you can see who his best friend in our family is, can't you? :)

Potty Train Insane

Potty training is coming a little easier for MB than for MG. It's definitely different for each kid. Today MB decided to use the potty. The difficult thing is that he only wants the big potty! He also wanted to sit on it every 15 minutes! I put up the gate and suggested that he use the little potty, and this was not well received. He took it and threw it over the gate with a roar of outrage. He's a little headstrong. :) I am extremely happy that he is an easy one to potty train. I'm still having some difficulty with MG although today she was encouraged to try to keep up with MB.

Work has been crappy, but there's nothing much that can be done about it right now so it does little to complain. It helps to vent a little though. Sigh. I hope that I can have the courage and ability for something that works out better for my family. My family really comes first for me, so this whole issue has been difficult. I have to work to help take care of my family, so I have to keep that in my mind. I'm doing it for them. I've been looking at job listings for this area, but there's not much out there at this time of the year. Maybe there will be more openings in the summer or fall. Maybe things will improve where I'm at by then and I won't have to go hunting for something else after all.

I actually bought a board game the other day. Who has time for an old fashioned board game? I had to buy "Trivial Pursuit: Totally 80s" when I saw it for $10 at the store! Mark and I grew up in the 80s, so it's something that we will love... if we ever get a chance to play it! We've been so tired each night that we go to bed soon after the kids do. I'm so tired tonight, but I wanted to stay up a little longer to write about the excitement in my life.

Long Time No Write

Hello...long time no write. I have been having some issues with work. Things will work out..they have to, right? I have not been able to work from home for a while and this may be ongoing. This causes problems with our childcare situation. Anyway, I am getting more time among adults, so maybe I need that too. :-) Sorry I haven't felt much like writing with all this going on, but I will be reading your blogs.

Fireworks, Not Cigarette Butts!

Today I stomped around in the burnt spots in the field and found the remnant of a burnt firework. Later, my father-in-law found more. Our neighbors up the road had been setting them off on Sunday, so that's what started our fires! Yikes! Since our neighbors are close friends of Mark's parents, my father-in-law is going to talk with them about what happened. Hopefully they'll be more careful and learn a lesson from this! :-) Whew, I think that I have!

Fire is Scary

Well, we had a strange experience today. Mark just happened to look out the front window to see smoke drifting past. Then we were in shock to see the little field beside us on fire! It had about five places that were burning. We just stood there a few seconds in shock because it just didn't make sense at first. This was especially odd because there is still some snow on the ground here and there. This was on Mark's fathers' property, so he and Mark ran out there to put it out because it was beginning to spread and two little fires joined. I called the fire department, but Mark and my father-in-law had just got the last fire put out when they arrived. They were worn out from running around throwing snow on the fire and stamping it. The firemen wet the whole area to make sure that it didn't flare back up. We don't really know how it started... something that especially bothers me! We suspect that someone flicked a cigarette out onto the field driving past or something. I was going to take a picture, but decided to try and forget about it instead. I'm glad that my hubby and father-in-law didn't get hurt! I know that this was a much milder incident, but now I appreciate how horrible it must be for people who experience the huge wildfires out in California. It is scary to see fire that close.

Time to Destress AGAIN

That's one reason I haven't been able to write much lately. I just feel too stressed out. Time to take a deep breath, relax and destress AGAIN. Sigh................

Thank Goodness for Butt Paste!

I'm finally getting time to post. My MG has had this awful stomach virus that has left her poor little bottom so sore that she wailed in pain most of the day. It was just horrible. I couldn't go out with the kids all day since she was too sick to go out, so MM went out after work and got Butt Paste. I ran out of diaper rash cream a long time ago and never had to use it much to begin with. I was so frazzled early today trying to search through stuff hoping to find some hidden away somewhere, but I could only find the baby powder. This only provided temporary relief. Well, the Butt Paste is great...it immediately did the trick and MG is finally sleeping. Whew...what an awful day. I know that kids get sick, but we have been sick practically every two weeks since Fall. This comes after having a terribly stressful day at work yesterday. Do you ever just want to go out in an open field somewhere where hopefully no one can hear and just scream? I guess I need to do something like that because I just hold everything in. Ah well, this is just part of life and being a mother. Everybody tells me that when Kindergarten rolls around, the kids will have their immunities built up and won't get sick as often since they've been exposed to it in preschool. I hope that it's true!!

I'm having a Southern identity crisis. I know this sounds silly, but I have always seen myself as a Tennessee girl from the South. When I went South to visit, it was not a pleasant experience. It just wasn't, and I'm not entirely sure why. Part of it was my depression. It was so unpleasant that I haven't even wanted to think about it and haven't written on my Southern blog in a LOOOOOOOOONG time. Sometimes I feel that I never want to go back. Maybe that will change.

Sorry my post is all over the place. I can't write about the thing that's been bothering me the most. (has do do with work) That I have to pray about. I am reading a really great book right now... Wide Open Spaces: Beyond Paint-by-Number Christianity by Jim Palmer. Barbara had talked about it on her blog, so I placed a hold on it at my library. I just started reading it and really like it so far. I have been struggling with the issue of going to church and how I feel about my beliefs. This book seems to deal with these issues or things related, so I really am excited about reading it.

I keep wanting to write, but about nothing in particular... just because this is precious time to myself where I can get out some thoughts. Interruption......Oh well...now I have to tend to someone :) Maybe I'll get some time later.....

The Church Thing Revisited

I got to thinking about this issue again...especially since a well-meaning family member keeps after us about this. I have decided what to do. I am going to have a "home school" Sunday school class for my kids every Sunday morning. I can do that! I already started last Sunday and it went well. I have this wonderful pre-school bible that really makes each story simple and easy for the kids to understand. I'm also going to read my bible and meditate each night. It really made me feel better last night to do that. Sometimes nights seem to be hard for me. That's when I worry about things. I think that this would be the best thing for us to do right now rather than jumping right into going to church. I want to go, but this might help it to be less of a shock when the kids first start. I also think that it would be good to have this be part of our every day life. I haven't been teaching the kids or telling them enough about God and my beliefs, so I think that this is a good way for us to start. Then, in a few months, who knows? We might feel ready to try church.

I've been a little down lately. I'm thinking that it could be that I'm extra busy and tired. I feel sad when I don't have time to blog. It helps relieve some of that stress to talk about it here, so I'm feeling alot of relief right now. Poor Mark... I think that he wants to blog right now, but he's having a hard time getting MB to sleep. Nice of him to give me a break, though. We each put one of the kids to bed at night. My kid went right to sleep, lucky me! :)

Clothesline is Cheap

We've enjoyed the luxury of a clothes dryer for several years now, but our electric bill went up so ridiculously much recently that we're going back to the clothesline. This is not fun to do in the Winter, but we've luckily had a few days of unseasonably warm weather. I'm curious to find out if it will make a difference. We put a "temporary" clothesline outside. It really looks like a Ma and Pa Kettle clothesline attached to a tree and propped up in the middle by a huge branch. It's funny. It works perfectly well, though. When Spring comes we will put up something better. We have also put a clothesline across the entire length of our basement and a drying rack in the bathroom. It's very time consuming. The kids have fun helping me, which is nice. My sidebar drawing very much illustrates our life right now. :)

Happy Second Birthday!

Tomorrow is my little boy's second birthday! He shares his special day with his grandpa who he calls Pap Pap. :) We were so surprised that he arrived on this day... four weeks before his due date! I didn't get to see him for very long right after he was born. He had to go to the special care nursery and I had to visit him there during that first week. I remember the first time I walked in to the nursery and walked to the side of his crib. He stopped crying and turned his head and looked at me with those big beautiful eyes. It made me laugh out loud because he had the funniest little expression on his cute little face. He continues to be such a funny little guy that keeps me laughing.

Fast Food

My clothes felt a little loose, so I felt safe to get on the scales. I really avoid this normally, but was pleasantly surprised to have lost about 10 lbs. I haven't exercised, so this is entirely due to changing some things about the way I eat. Instead of having pancakes for breakfast, I've been eating a bowl of cereal or a granola bar. I have almost entirely quit eating out...except for today I splurged because I didn't have time to eat breakfast. I am also eating more salads and raw veggies for snacks. Those are the only things that I can figure have affected my weight. Also, I'm less depressed, so maybe I'm eating less? Now I just need to find time to exercise.

Fast Food Fix by Devin Alexander... Mark brought home this wonderful book from the library a few days ago. So far, we have tried the KFC popcorn chicken recipe and it was delicious...better than the real thing. I am so impressed with this book. The author has worked hard to duplicate the taste of many fast food favorites, but has improved upon the recipe by making it healthier. She never fries the foods! They are baked instead. Some of these foods are still high in calories, but they are a good alternative if you are craving the "bad" version of it. :)

Waking Up, Upside Down!

I'm still recovering from the holidays and trying to catch up on sleep. I'm not a pretty sight without my sleep! Ever since the kids got sick, they started getting up several times during the night. For some reason, MG has been extra clingy and still getting up in the night even though she is no longer sick. Then MB gets up in the wee morning hours to climb into my bed. There's not enough room, so I have been going out to the couch for a few hours and letting him have my spot. Last night I was just TOO TIRED to go to the couch. I woke up, upside down! I had climbed into the wrong end of the bed, so I was sleeping with my face next to someone's big size 13 feet! Yep, I was oh so tired.

I know that alot of people get sad during the holidays. I do too. I know why, too. It's just a time when I think about the people who I love and miss who have died in my family. I am glad to have good memories of those special people at Christmas, but it hurts to miss them and regret that they didn't get to live longer lives. I have a real difficult time to this day still feeling like my dad was taken away when he was too young, when my mom was too young and especially when my brothers and I were too young. I miss him. I especially remember that he LOVED Christmas and made a big deal out of it.

Having kids to surprise at Christmas has made it a happier time for me. Thinking about these things has made me start thinking about church again. I haven't had to worry about the church issue for a while because I obviously can't take the kids when they're sick. I want to give church a try soon. Experiencing it is the best way to decide if it's for us. And I want to kind of do it in secret...not make a big deal out of it.

Happy New Year everyone, and thanks for reading my blog! :)