Happier Christmases

A few years ago when I was visiting my family down South, I found this awful picture of my mom at Christmastime just three months after my dad died in an accident. It made me cry to see the picture because I could see the raw pain on my mom's face. She looked so lost. I never want to see that picture again.

Christmases have been a difficult time for my mom. Those were the most difficult and depressing times for her. She would go to some dark place. This affected me and I have always felt sad at Christmastime too. The magic died with my dad... that is until I had my own children to celebrate Christmas with.

Now I feel some of that magic that I felt as a young child. It's fun to see the kids so excited about Christmas. I have one of those prelit trees except one of the cats bit through a wire, so the lights no longer work. I had three strands of red lights, so I put those on and they look even prettier than the originals.

At MG's preschool, she's been learning about the birth of Jesus. They made these little clothespin dolls that they put in little mangers. MB wanted his own baby Jesus, too, so I helped him make one. MG has been going to a Christian preschool this year, so she has been learning alot of bible stories. She is so happy there.

Even though I do have happier Christmases now, there's still a struggle to fall into the old feelings. I tend to feel sad for no reason in the winter. I really truly need to actively do things to combat this. And that doesn't mean eat more! That's how I tend to deal with depression in the Winter, but I know what I really need to do. Exercise, write and do crafts. Those things make me feel better, so that's what I need to do.