This is my new issue to deal with. We have had a very well-meaning relative nagging us because the kids are not in church. I'm actually pretty livid about this right now for many reasons. The person who nags us has no clue to how difficult it is to get two toddlers ready and there on time that early in the morning. They also do not know what it's like for both parents to work and have alternating schedules and to feel like going to church to sit and listen to a self righteous wind bag go on and on about things that they really don't really know about after all. OK, I'm really mad and sorry that this is so negative. Sigh. I do want to go to church, but not with hypocrites or with prejudiced people who look down on others. In my past, I've seen so much of this especially at church. Maybe this isn't for the right reasons, but I'd only be going to church to let my kids experience being around other kids. Also, Mark and I could stand to make a few friends. I believe in God and Jesus and I do try to teach my kids about this. I think that my in-laws believe that we aren't telling the kids anything and are raising them to be heathens. I'm sorry, but church will not get you to heaven. Maybe I'll find a church that doesn't turn me off & then maybe I'll feel differently. Actually, we are going to try the closest one to our house... maybe next Sunday. The minster is a woman, so I am excited that perhaps this will make the whole experience better for me. You see, I grew up in the Southern Baptist church which pretty much looks down on women altogether. Very bad, negative experiences. So, I definitely need a different type of church than the one I grew up in. I can't live with myself if I go to church just to be going to church or to be appeasing the well-meaning relatives. I really have to go somewhere where I believe what I'm hearing & the people have to be genuinely kind, caring people... not a bunch of phony self-righteous people.
Please, I really would like to hear any advice or thoughts on this. Sorry about my rant. It's just that we had some rough moments on our vacation & then we're being attacked about the church issue. It makes me sad and stressed.
7 comments:
I maybe not be the best person to advise since I'm of other religion..but we're pretty much in the same boat. I agree that going to church or mosque in my case doesn't bring you to heaven..it's the faith inside that matters. My parents frowned upon us for not bringing the kids to mosque..we don't even join the local mosque here but we do teach the kids at home about the faith and the prayer stuffs. My eldest daughter learns a lot from the religious class she attends, not so much from us but I continuously teach her the morals and things I know by heart. Maybe it takes time for your parents to understand this, but I hope if you ever start bringing them to church, it will be convenient for you and done with open heart..not because you're forced to. I remember somebody religious telling us..whenever we're in the mosque don't ever think we're so high above and so close to God until we look down to people who's not there. God might love people who pray at home more because they pray with all their heart, not showing-off and not looking down to people. I hope you feel good that you believe in your religion.
Thanks so much, Hliza. I needed to hear that. I want to go to church, but definitely one that I share beliefs with. We shoudn't be nagged about it, either. I don't know about you, but being nagged makes me want to rebel and do just the opposite!!! If my mother-in-law knew that it was pushing me away, maybe she would stop. Sigh. I agree with you that the faith inside is what really matters. That is something that I need to work on and nurture in my children. If I go to church, I almost want to do it in secret. :)
AMEN SISTER! you don't need any advise, you've got this one down....you and Mark are doing a great job raising MG & MB! You are teaching them what you believe at home and everything my dear friend Liza said in her comment is right on too!!!
I think the issue hear is your in-laws being upset that you are not doing things THEIR way, I am sure their nagging is well intentioned (but annoying as heck).
I could go on an on with this topic but I'll force myself to stop right here. Just rememer, you two are the parents, you are doing a great job.
I hope your inlaws stop nagging, that is a much bigger issue than not taking the kids to church (I am a Christian too - but don't go to church for my own reasons)
Well here I go. I also hate the hypocrites at most churches, I do feel it is important to go. In my experience a larger church is better than a smaller church. I grew up in a small Methodist church where every body knew every thing about every body. I now go to a bigger church and have found that I really feel comfortable there. I don't feel judged by any body. I volunteer for stuff and have met some new people.
As for going on Sunday. I also have two kids, but I do get them up for 7:30 am mass every Sunday, so I know that it is not easy. We even go to mass while we are on vacation. I don't think I have missed a Sunday since early in my pregnancy with Nicholas. I even went the week that he was born. I am not trying to make you feel bad, I just want to point out that it can be done. I look at it as a sacrafice. I know that you guys don't get much time together and Sundays are a nice family day. Maybe you can find a church that has Saturday evening services (ours has 4:00 pm and 6:00 pm on Saturdays).
As for the in-laws, you have to remember that they come from a different time. Life was different for them and I am sure that their parents made them go to church every Sunday when they were kids. Invite them to take MG or MB or both so that they can see firsthand how hard it is with kids (I know that it can be a HORRIBLE experience).
You just need to find a church that fits you guys. Maybe a non-denominational church might be a good idea, that way you don't feel pressured by any one religion. As you know I am Catholic, but right now I am reading about Buddhism, because I believe that there are good things to learn from all faiths!!
I will get off of my soapbox. I can ask around about some friendly churches and let you know what I hear, if you like.
Barbara, I think that IT IS the nagging that hurts me. I feel that we're being judged as being bad parents and that hurts, & it's wrong.
Linda, I guess that I should try to ignore the nagging and proceed with our plans of trying the nearby church to see how we like it. Wow! 7:30 AM mass! :) I think that if we found a good fit for us, it would make it easier for us to be motivated and to actually get there on time.
It used to bother me that people looked down on me for not going to church. Then I realized that they had the problem, not me. I came to the realization that God exists just as comfortably in a church,mosque,temple, in my home, or anywhere else in the universe and I can connect at any time. There is merit in churchgoing- it's just not for me.
We have the same issue. Although, my MIL Is better about the nagging in the last few years. It used to be REALLY bad. We now have 4 children age 6 and under.
I would LOVE to attend church on a weekly basis, and be involved in bible studies, just all around in a church family. My husband is very anti-church. I think it comes from it being forced on him as a child. We meet somewhere in the middle, and do a lot of "God" teaching at home.
Post a Comment