Buggy Flowers

These are images from our Summer flower garden....

An Element of Melancholy

I haven't felt much like writing about this. I've been decreasing the meds that I've been taking to treat postpartum depression. It's been a little difficult, but now I am feeling ok. In fact, I'm very glad that I'm doing this for several reasons. I have actually felt much more patient with the kids and have had less mood swings throughout the day. I feel happy during the day. At night is a little harder. I'm tired and tend to think about bad things when I'm sleepy. I have to say, though, that it's ok to be a little melancholy. Maybe that's just part of my personality. I'm much more creative when I have that element of melancholy. I used to write poetry before the kids were born. I hadn't written a poem in three years until this week! And I wrote three in one night. I'm not brave enough to share them here, though. Maybe I will sometime! :)

Happy Father's Day!

I especially want to wish Mark a Happy Father's Day! Here he is reading with his two babies.

Flat Tire Day

Yea, that's what happened to me today. Just after grocery shopping, I brought the kids out to the car and noticed that it had a very flat tire. The first thing I thought was "Wow, I'm so glad that it didn't blow out while I was driving". Since we have decided that we don't need the extra expense of cell phones (ha-ha), I had to go back to find a pay phone to call Mark at work. I was in PA, North of the Mason Dixon Line :), so I had to feed the pay phone lots of money to make a long distance call. Since the tire had a slow leak, Mark was able to pump the tire with a bike pump and that got us home. But the fun part was waiting in the parking lot with two fussy, tired, hungry kids. We broke out the snacks and drinks that we'd just bought, plus threw a ball back and fourth. Even though I wasn't the one who had to pump up the tire, I felt totally wiped out when I got home.

The flat tire almost made me forget about the elderly man wearing a platinum blond bobbed wig that I saw walking down the street in town earlier. I couldn't help but notice the wig with a pink bow, because it was such a startling contrast to his full dark gray beard and hair. Plus, he was wearing a dark flannel plaid shirt. Then I saw him again when I came back through and the pink bow had disappeared.

Ancient Chocolate?

The cutting back on food has made me start craving bad things. Tonight when I was going through an old purse, I found an imported chocolate that had been sitting there for a while. Normally I would have thrown it away, but I felt desperate for chocolate...so I ate it. Other than that, I've been sticking to my diet plan. I didn't do my workout today, but I will tomorrow.

I've been worried about MG. She seems to still have a touch of the stomach virus, so maybe that's part of the reason for her behavior. For the past two weeks, she has been very grumpy and behaving out of character. I'm very concerned. I'm so afraid that my problems with depression affect her. I'm really trying to work through it and improve. It could be a combination of being sick, summer break away from preschool and changes in her development. It breaks my heart that she has seemed sad lately.

I think that I would like to go to church and that would help us. I can think of all kinds of excuses not to go, and it is hard on a Sunday when that's the only day that Mark and I spend together with the kids. I grew up going to church, and learning about God and his love got me through the toughest times in my life. It also gave me friends and activities. It would especially help MG to be in a Sunday school class with other kids her age. She misses that without preschool. I need it for myself too. It's 1:00 AM! I'd better go say a little prayer and get some sleep. Thanks for listening. Writing here helps me think about what I need to do. :)

It's Not That Simple!

Has this ever happened to you? I worked extra hard all week cutting back on calories and eating healthier. I also exercised every day. This is a huge change for me, so I expected to have lost some weight by now. I had my yearly exam at the doctor's office yesterday, and to my horror my weight was 10 lbs heavier than what I thought it would be! How discouraging is that? I suppose that my scales at home are off and that I should find some that are more accurate. Well, at least I feel better from having made the changes. The weight just doesn't come off as easily as it did when I was younger. This is going to be more of a challenge than I thought! And I want to lose 50 lbs! I don't want to do any drastic starvation diets, but what is it going to take? Mark says that I need to give it a couple more weeks.

Toe Sabotage

This morning MB turned a heavy bench over and it landed on the middle toe of my right foot! It's fractured and has turned a lovely shade of purple. I was sad thinking that my new life style was sabotaged already. I rested it all day staying off my feet as much as possible. Then I wrapped the toe in a little first aid gauze and taped it to my other toe to keep it from moving. Then I put on some really good walking shoes, and I felt fine going on a walk and later doing my exercise video. Nothing put too much pressure on my toe, so I'm relieved that it doesn't throw a monkey wrench into my efforts to lose weight. I think that I may have to start wearing steel toed boots around the house, though! Actually, I think I'll try to wear shoes as much as possible after this. Unfortunately, there's nothing to be done for a broken toe. It just has to get better on it's own. No little toe casts or anything like that. :)

Day 3 Gonna Lose Weight

While sick, I cut down on eating because I had to. I also felt really crummy and couldn't get out to do anything, so that has inspired me to really start exercising every day and to stop overeating. Plus, I'm down to two cups of coffee a day rather than four or five. I already feel much better.



I am also going to ban the scales except for weighing myself once a week. Weighing myself every day is discouraging when I don't seem to lose weight. I know that I'm doing things right, so I don't need any discouragement when I'm just getting started. Isn't this cartoon cute? I think she has the right idea.

Barbara just posted about the importance of drinking water when trying to lose weight. http://barbara007.typepad.com/ I'm glad that she wrote about this issue! It's an important issue that I hadn't really thought about till now. I'm sipping my water now! It's something that I'm going to add into my diet and exercise plan.

I think that I'll try to post to let you know what I'm doing and how it's going. That way I'll have to be more accountable. :) On Day 1 and Day 2, I really cut back on my eating and ate mostly healthy foods. I had one cup of coffee on day one and two cups on day two. I'm going for just one cup today. I also did an exercise video workout for both days. I plan to do that later today as well. It's a Richard Simmons video, and it's fun. I really feel like it's going well, and I'm trying not to overdo it right now. Then maybe I'll get to step up to walking or doing additional exercises. We'll see! I really want to keep feeling better, and I think this will help me feel better physically and mentally. Plus, I want to lose weight!

Taking a Break

****Hello, I'm taking a break until this stomach virus leaves our household. Both kids are feeling a little under the weather now. Oh boy. I'm better, though, besides being tired.

102.6

That was my temperature last night. I've had some crummy bug. I laid on the couch yesterday while the kids tore the room apart. It's hard to be a good mommy when your sick. Today the fever is gone but I can't wander too far away from the bathroom. Fun, this is.