Warning...this is a little sad, so you don't have to read it! I want to write about this because it kept me up late last night. When I was driving back home with the kids, I noticed a man trying to take his riding lawn mower up a very steep bank. He was having trouble getting it to go, so he kept backing up closer to the road to get up speed to try to get up the bank. I prayed a quick prayer for him, because it looked like an accident waiting to happen.
I was lying in bed trying to sleep, but this earlier thing made me flashback to the day of my dad's death. He was instantly killed when he was trying to drive a tractor up a steep hill and the tractor flipped on him. He was a little younger than I am now when it happened.
The flashback is remembering how I felt when I knew that I'd never see him (in this world) again. I was lying on my bed on my back and kicking the wall above my headboard over and over again. I could hear my younger brother doing the same thing over in his room. It was just so horrible and I was alone. Eventually my grandmother came in to talk to me.
It's weird that something that happened so long ago still brings heartache. I think that the worst thing is that this was a terrible thing for my mom. She was left with three kids (including one under one year of age) to raise alone. She has been through so much. She loved my dad so much and for years kept fresh red roses on his grave during the summers, cut from the rosebush he'd planted for her. She tried going back to school, but had to discontinue that because of lack of money. She also went into a deep depression, and that went on for years. I've had times of getting upset with her over things, but she's one strong person to have been able to raise three children alone. And none of us turned out that bad! She also took care of her dying mother when we were still kids.
Sigh. I don't dwell on this stuff and have come to terms with it, but sometimes something triggers the memories... like the guy trying to drive his mower up the steep bank.
2 comments:
I am sorry that this made you sad, but maybe you were just meant to give your father a thought. Sometimes I think that things like this are messages from those who have left before us. Maybe he was thinking about you too.
I got real weepy the other day when I thought of my grandmother. She died during open heart surgery in 2000. I felt sad that Sophia would never get to know this wonderful person. I know that she would have loved Bob and I having children.
I don't even know why I started to think of her. I almost posted about grandparents the other day, because they have been on my mind so much lately.
Linda, Thanks for your thoughts on this. I do think about my dad and my grandparents alot. Somehow it feels good to think that they're in a wonderful place together and that they think about me. I still feel a strong connection to them even though they're not here.
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