Happy Father's Day, Anyway!

This week started out all icky. First Mark was sick with a head cold that seemed almost flulike while the kids had a stomach virus. Then I got BOTH sicknesses at the same time! I have never felt so shitty... or at least I haven't in a long time. My ears were affected, so I was dizzy and could hardly stand up & I was throwing up. It really was awful, and I haven't handled it very well. It's hard to take care of sick kids when you feel like crap yourself. I am thankful that we have a swingset for the kids now. I was able to get them in the backyard to play while I sat down to watch them. Now the kids are getting the head cold part of being sick. I've been sick since Wednesday and am just now feeling quite a bit better physically. Unfortunately, I must have barfed up my depression medication, because I feel unusually sad. I think that's all it is, though, so I may feel back to normal tomorrow after a good night's sleep.

Even though Mark was sick, he fixed dinner tonight and he took off early a day or two from work to help me. I am thankful for him. He is a good husband and father. He puts up with alot from a sick crazy acting wife. I hope that we are feeling better tomorrow so that we can go celebrate father's day.

Visitors

My Mom, Aunt and two young cousins visited us this week. They got here last Sunday and stayed through today. It was such a good visit. Usually they don't stay this long, so it was nice to have extra time with them. They also had time to see Gettysburg and some other local sites here. It was fun. It really made me feel better and made up for the awful time we had when we visited my family last Fall. I also took the whole week off from work! :-)

My aunt is just three years older than me, so we really grew up playing together like sisters. We got to talk some and I found out that she has similar problems with depression. Like me, she had postpartum depression with both her kids! We also talked about my Grandmother (her mother) who had depression and who was abusive. It really was an eye opening talk. I also think that the depression is very much genetic in my mom's side of the family.

MM is trying to get a wound up little boy to go to sleep. My kids LOVED playing with their cousins, and now they are all played out. I am too!!!

A Little "Me" Time

I left work early feeling sick today, but instead of going straight home...I took advantage of the time and went and got a haircut. It's been well over a year since I had anything done to my hair! And it's been a long time since I took time to do something for myself, so I thought this would be a good thing for the start of "Mother's Day" week. And I really love my haircut. I had let my hair grow down to the middle of my back and I could do absolutely nothing with it except put it up. Now it's a little below my shoulders and layered. Love it! Now I'll wear it down more often. :-) This little exursion made me feel so much better. Maybe I need a "me" day ever so often.

Irksome Words

A well meaning family member is after us again. This one of the statements made tonight to try and persuade us to go to church. "What are you going to say when you stand before the lord?" Once again being judged solely on whether we're attending church. Also, poor MM was told that he needed to set an example for the kids.

That last thing really made my blood boil. MM is the best father and example to our kids. He takes care of them and does so much with them when I'm working. He has also chosen to work with kids for his profession. Those are wonderful things. His parents should applaud him for setting such a good example, not poo-poo him for not going to church.

Well, it's possible that Sunday school would be a good thing in our kids' lives, but this is NOT the way to persuade me to go. Actually, the best way to persuade me to go is to not say anything. Maybe invite me to church, but nothing more. If I choose to go, I'll go. If I decide that it's best for my kids, then I will go.

I've had alot of soul searching thinking about how I feel about organized religion. I grew up in the Southern Baptist denomination. The churches I went to taught racism and discrimination. They looked down on other beliefs and even other Christian denominations. It was disgusting. Maybe my experience was unique to growing up in the South. I don't know, but it has really turned me off from wanting to go to church.

Sorry, there were some good things about church, too, but the bad things are really sticking out in my mind right now. Ugh! I'll try to think of all the good things about church at some point. Sigh.

Weighty Issues

It always does me good to write about the things that are bothering me. First of all, my family is coming to visit in June. Remember, we had such a stressful experience with our visit down South when we went in the Fall? Well, when my my mom first told me that they were coming, I wasn't very joyful. And actually, it's my mom, aunt and my cousins who are coming. I guess I was kind of wanting to not deal with my family for a while. I am glad that they're coming... it's just that I still have sad feelings about our stay with my brother and sister-in-law.

The second worry is church. I want to take my kids to sunday school, but I don't want anyone to say anything about it or nag me about it. That very thing makes me put it off longer. I dislike being judged on this. I teach my kids about God behind the scenes, so it angers me when that gets poo-pooed just because we don't go to church. I do want to go for the right reasons, not from being nagged into it or being looked down upon. Sorry, this is really bothering me.

Enough, enough. I've spouted off and feel better now. :)

The Good Things

The kids did wonderfully using the potty this week. Hurrah! This is a huge deal for us. I guess we've been using alot of potty talk lately. MB was looking at a bulldozer dump truck book and he pointed at a pile of dirt in the picture and asked,"Dat poop?" He was so serious.

As you know, I was spoiled getting to work from home 90 % of my work time. That suddenly changed and now I have to go into work 100% of my work time. I realized a blessing in this today because it occurred to me to use my breaks for exercise! I also get time to talk to other adults and coworkers. I was very depressed about the situation a few weeks ago, but now I realize that it's good to have some time away from home. It's just 22 hours per week, so it's still a good thing for me right now. I admit that I'm feeling a bit happier getting to be more social and getting out of the house.

The lovely weather has lifted my spirits, too. Spring is my favorite time of the year, and it's been an especially beautiful one here. The flowers are blooming everywhere. I love it!

Money, Money, Money!

The potty training challenge has gotten easier ever since we began rewarding with money. We decided to reward the kids with money every time they use the potty instead of their diaper. They get a quarter which goes into the "swing set" jar. We're saving up for a swing set. MB loves to put money in the jar, so this has worked wonderfully for him. It cracked me up yesterday when on his way to the potty, he was yelling "money, money, money!"

Violets

Violets always make me think of my grandmother because she loved them. She had a table sitting in front of her living room window, and it was covered in violets of all colors. Today I was out shopping with MG and she insisted on a potted violet to take care of and keep in her room. She has already watered it and was filling of the dirt to see if it was too dry. It may be my imagination, but I feel like my grandmother is "tickled" that her great granddaughter loves flowers just as much as she did.

Not Writing

Do you ever have so much going on and so many feelings tumbling around that you find it difficult to write? That's the state that I've been in for months. I have been writing some poetry on my "secret" poetry blog more regularly... sometimes it is easier for me to write my feelings in poetry. :-)


What's been going on? Looking for a preschool for my daughter...this is going well, but I have to visit a couple to make the decision. Taking care of our cat whose injury looks much better. Trying to keep the kids from hurting each other. Twisting knots in my hair in my sleep because of stress. Dealing with the perpetual weirdness at work and trying to get to work without being late. This is difficult as you will see in my next paragraph.


I had just finished cooking dinner and Mark came in at 5:20. I have to get to work by 5:30 and it takes just exactly 10 minutes to get there driving fast. The next thing I know, MG has bumped my grandmother's bowl sitting on a counter top and it shatters on the floor. I have to leave it all to Mark to clean up feeling sad because it was the only thing that I had of my grandmother's. My fault because it should have been in a safer place. I managed to get to work only 5 minutes late despite all this. Now it's time to go home once again. Mark is very good.... he will probably have given the kids their baths. :-)

Peaceful Night

It was an inconvenience that our power was out for 28 hours, but there was a certain peacefulness to it too. The part that I liked most was when I put MB to bed and sang to him by candlelight. When he drifted off to sleep, I just stayed in the room and listened to Mark telling stories to MG out in the living room. They were "camping out" on the floor in sleeping bags telling stories. With that being said, I am SOooooooooooooooooooo GLaaaaaaaaaaaad that the power is back on!

March Madness

March has been so busy. I've been trying to pick a new preschool for my daughter since her current school is closing this year. Closeness in location is important, so I may have it narrowed down to two. I've also been working on potty training the kids which makes things a little busier. We're continuing to have problems with the older one!!! I'm not sure what the problem is there. I've been taking care of an injured cat. Plus, I used to telecommute 4 days per week, so I USED to have extra time here and there to get chores done. Now I'm going in to work, so those extra bits of time were taken away.

Poor Jasper (our injured cat). I took him back to the vet for his check-up, and he has reinfected the wound on his front right leg by licking it. Now he has to wear one of those collars that prevents him from cleaning himself. It looks like a lamp shade. He is not happy, although I can flip the collar back since it's flexible to allow him to clean himself a little. It's made him sad. He has to take antibiotics, have his wound cleaned and medicated with ointment several times per day. I have to say that he is the most easy-going cat I've ever met and lets me give him the medicine! Our other cats are crazy, and I usually get scratched! He is super nice.

I haven't felt depressed really, just more stressed! :-)

Best Friends

I just caught this precious moment today. Jasper is one of our outdoor cats. He was injured yesterday... actually he had an old injury that had got infected. He was treated at the vet and now gets to be an indoor kitty while he heals. He is VERY SWEET and you can see who his best friend in our family is, can't you? :)

Potty Train Insane

Potty training is coming a little easier for MB than for MG. It's definitely different for each kid. Today MB decided to use the potty. The difficult thing is that he only wants the big potty! He also wanted to sit on it every 15 minutes! I put up the gate and suggested that he use the little potty, and this was not well received. He took it and threw it over the gate with a roar of outrage. He's a little headstrong. :) I am extremely happy that he is an easy one to potty train. I'm still having some difficulty with MG although today she was encouraged to try to keep up with MB.

Work has been crappy, but there's nothing much that can be done about it right now so it does little to complain. It helps to vent a little though. Sigh. I hope that I can have the courage and ability for something that works out better for my family. My family really comes first for me, so this whole issue has been difficult. I have to work to help take care of my family, so I have to keep that in my mind. I'm doing it for them. I've been looking at job listings for this area, but there's not much out there at this time of the year. Maybe there will be more openings in the summer or fall. Maybe things will improve where I'm at by then and I won't have to go hunting for something else after all.

I actually bought a board game the other day. Who has time for an old fashioned board game? I had to buy "Trivial Pursuit: Totally 80s" when I saw it for $10 at the store! Mark and I grew up in the 80s, so it's something that we will love... if we ever get a chance to play it! We've been so tired each night that we go to bed soon after the kids do. I'm so tired tonight, but I wanted to stay up a little longer to write about the excitement in my life.

Long Time No Write

Hello...long time no write. I have been having some issues with work. Things will work out..they have to, right? I have not been able to work from home for a while and this may be ongoing. This causes problems with our childcare situation. Anyway, I am getting more time among adults, so maybe I need that too. :-) Sorry I haven't felt much like writing with all this going on, but I will be reading your blogs.

Fireworks, Not Cigarette Butts!

Today I stomped around in the burnt spots in the field and found the remnant of a burnt firework. Later, my father-in-law found more. Our neighbors up the road had been setting them off on Sunday, so that's what started our fires! Yikes! Since our neighbors are close friends of Mark's parents, my father-in-law is going to talk with them about what happened. Hopefully they'll be more careful and learn a lesson from this! :-) Whew, I think that I have!

Fire is Scary

Well, we had a strange experience today. Mark just happened to look out the front window to see smoke drifting past. Then we were in shock to see the little field beside us on fire! It had about five places that were burning. We just stood there a few seconds in shock because it just didn't make sense at first. This was especially odd because there is still some snow on the ground here and there. This was on Mark's fathers' property, so he and Mark ran out there to put it out because it was beginning to spread and two little fires joined. I called the fire department, but Mark and my father-in-law had just got the last fire put out when they arrived. They were worn out from running around throwing snow on the fire and stamping it. The firemen wet the whole area to make sure that it didn't flare back up. We don't really know how it started... something that especially bothers me! We suspect that someone flicked a cigarette out onto the field driving past or something. I was going to take a picture, but decided to try and forget about it instead. I'm glad that my hubby and father-in-law didn't get hurt! I know that this was a much milder incident, but now I appreciate how horrible it must be for people who experience the huge wildfires out in California. It is scary to see fire that close.

Time to Destress AGAIN

That's one reason I haven't been able to write much lately. I just feel too stressed out. Time to take a deep breath, relax and destress AGAIN. Sigh................

Thank Goodness for Butt Paste!

I'm finally getting time to post. My MG has had this awful stomach virus that has left her poor little bottom so sore that she wailed in pain most of the day. It was just horrible. I couldn't go out with the kids all day since she was too sick to go out, so MM went out after work and got Butt Paste. I ran out of diaper rash cream a long time ago and never had to use it much to begin with. I was so frazzled early today trying to search through stuff hoping to find some hidden away somewhere, but I could only find the baby powder. This only provided temporary relief. Well, the Butt Paste is great...it immediately did the trick and MG is finally sleeping. Whew...what an awful day. I know that kids get sick, but we have been sick practically every two weeks since Fall. This comes after having a terribly stressful day at work yesterday. Do you ever just want to go out in an open field somewhere where hopefully no one can hear and just scream? I guess I need to do something like that because I just hold everything in. Ah well, this is just part of life and being a mother. Everybody tells me that when Kindergarten rolls around, the kids will have their immunities built up and won't get sick as often since they've been exposed to it in preschool. I hope that it's true!!

I'm having a Southern identity crisis. I know this sounds silly, but I have always seen myself as a Tennessee girl from the South. When I went South to visit, it was not a pleasant experience. It just wasn't, and I'm not entirely sure why. Part of it was my depression. It was so unpleasant that I haven't even wanted to think about it and haven't written on my Southern blog in a LOOOOOOOOONG time. Sometimes I feel that I never want to go back. Maybe that will change.

Sorry my post is all over the place. I can't write about the thing that's been bothering me the most. (has do do with work) That I have to pray about. I am reading a really great book right now... Wide Open Spaces: Beyond Paint-by-Number Christianity by Jim Palmer. Barbara had talked about it on her blog, so I placed a hold on it at my library. I just started reading it and really like it so far. I have been struggling with the issue of going to church and how I feel about my beliefs. This book seems to deal with these issues or things related, so I really am excited about reading it.

I keep wanting to write, but about nothing in particular... just because this is precious time to myself where I can get out some thoughts. Interruption......Oh well...now I have to tend to someone :) Maybe I'll get some time later.....

The Church Thing Revisited

I got to thinking about this issue again...especially since a well-meaning family member keeps after us about this. I have decided what to do. I am going to have a "home school" Sunday school class for my kids every Sunday morning. I can do that! I already started last Sunday and it went well. I have this wonderful pre-school bible that really makes each story simple and easy for the kids to understand. I'm also going to read my bible and meditate each night. It really made me feel better last night to do that. Sometimes nights seem to be hard for me. That's when I worry about things. I think that this would be the best thing for us to do right now rather than jumping right into going to church. I want to go, but this might help it to be less of a shock when the kids first start. I also think that it would be good to have this be part of our every day life. I haven't been teaching the kids or telling them enough about God and my beliefs, so I think that this is a good way for us to start. Then, in a few months, who knows? We might feel ready to try church.

I've been a little down lately. I'm thinking that it could be that I'm extra busy and tired. I feel sad when I don't have time to blog. It helps relieve some of that stress to talk about it here, so I'm feeling alot of relief right now. Poor Mark... I think that he wants to blog right now, but he's having a hard time getting MB to sleep. Nice of him to give me a break, though. We each put one of the kids to bed at night. My kid went right to sleep, lucky me! :)

Clothesline is Cheap

We've enjoyed the luxury of a clothes dryer for several years now, but our electric bill went up so ridiculously much recently that we're going back to the clothesline. This is not fun to do in the Winter, but we've luckily had a few days of unseasonably warm weather. I'm curious to find out if it will make a difference. We put a "temporary" clothesline outside. It really looks like a Ma and Pa Kettle clothesline attached to a tree and propped up in the middle by a huge branch. It's funny. It works perfectly well, though. When Spring comes we will put up something better. We have also put a clothesline across the entire length of our basement and a drying rack in the bathroom. It's very time consuming. The kids have fun helping me, which is nice. My sidebar drawing very much illustrates our life right now. :)