Waking Up, Upside Down!

I'm still recovering from the holidays and trying to catch up on sleep. I'm not a pretty sight without my sleep! Ever since the kids got sick, they started getting up several times during the night. For some reason, MG has been extra clingy and still getting up in the night even though she is no longer sick. Then MB gets up in the wee morning hours to climb into my bed. There's not enough room, so I have been going out to the couch for a few hours and letting him have my spot. Last night I was just TOO TIRED to go to the couch. I woke up, upside down! I had climbed into the wrong end of the bed, so I was sleeping with my face next to someone's big size 13 feet! Yep, I was oh so tired.

I know that alot of people get sad during the holidays. I do too. I know why, too. It's just a time when I think about the people who I love and miss who have died in my family. I am glad to have good memories of those special people at Christmas, but it hurts to miss them and regret that they didn't get to live longer lives. I have a real difficult time to this day still feeling like my dad was taken away when he was too young, when my mom was too young and especially when my brothers and I were too young. I miss him. I especially remember that he LOVED Christmas and made a big deal out of it.

Having kids to surprise at Christmas has made it a happier time for me. Thinking about these things has made me start thinking about church again. I haven't had to worry about the church issue for a while because I obviously can't take the kids when they're sick. I want to give church a try soon. Experiencing it is the best way to decide if it's for us. And I want to kind of do it in secret...not make a big deal out of it.

Happy New Year everyone, and thanks for reading my blog! :)

De-stressing

As I've said before, I'm one to let the stress build up till I explode. I really felt like exploding today, so I'm working on de-stressing while Mark has the kids out to the store this evening. It's quiet and I'm listening to music. I love guitar music, so I'm listening to something I checked out from the library. "The Ultimate Most Relaxing Guitar Music in the Universe" is the title. I like it so far. I really started loving guitar music when I found a guitar lullabies cd for MG when she was a baby. It was so pretty and relaxing.

I'm also reading my all time favorite children's fantasy book. This is the book that first got me interested in reading. My fourth grade teacher read it to us... one chapter per day. It was so exciting that the entire class was hanging on every word and we would beg Mrs. Doig to go on and read another chapter. I've been reading this book by Christmas-tree light at night. It's pretty miraculous that I actually have the book in my hands. A couple of years ago I kept thinking about this book but had no idea what the title was. I posted a question about it on a librarian's list serv and someone out their in cyberspace recalled the title. It was out-of-print, so it was difficult to locate a copy. I finally found one on e-bay, plus I found out that there was a sequel, so I have both books! Have you ever heard of it?

Follow That Star

I feel really drained after taking care of sick kids for the past week. I've had lots of help from Mark, but it still left me feeling tired and a little down. I am happy to say that MG is much, much better and MB is beginning to get a little better. MG was so much better that she ate alot for her Christmas dinner last evening. Both kids had stomach viruses and colds with MG's cold turning into bronchitis. Yuck is an understatement. I had a touch of the stomach virus too, but it lasted only one day thank goodness.

Now I need to be a little selfish and have some "me" time. I really do. When I saw that beautiful star in the sky on Christmas morning, I had the urge to jump in the car and go follow it. I know that's silly, but I wonder what I would have found. It looked so close by. :) I think that I'll get Mark to watch the kids on Sunday or Monday while I go get my hair and nails done or something. Maybe that would make me feel better and a little less crazy.

Christmas Star

Early this morning before anyone woke up, I was lying on the couch and looked out the window. The sun was just beginning to rise, so the sky had just lightened to a soft blue. There was a single morning star in the sky. It was so bright and beautiful. It really felt magical and made me think about the star that the shepherds and wise men followed to find baby Jesus in the bible story. It was a nice peaceful time for me before the kids woke up to find their Christmas presents this morning. *

The Fun and Funny this Christmas

Since it's been not so fun for us and the kids since they're sick right now, I wanted to share a few fun things that we did and a couple of funny things that happened.

A couple of weeks ago, MG went to a gingerbread house making program at the library. She had such a good time. She would not let me help her, and insisted on doing it all herself.


When the kids were first getting sick, I took them out Christmas shopping with me. I was a little stressed out when I bought a cd set for my father-in-law. When I got home, I discovered that I had bought him this Country Songs cd set. I really didn't mean to get love songs. :) You would think that I would notice the pink case and the words LOVE SONGS in bold on the front...duh!


The funniest thing that happened while the kids have been sick took place last night when I was half asleep. Someone was whining at the bedside. I immediately thought that it was one of the kids with a fever, so I put my hand on his forehead to see how hot he was. It was a fuzzy forehead... it was my cat Abner!

Despite the kids being sick, there have been some fun and funny moments. :)

All I want for Christmas...

is for my two kids to get well! I took MG to the doctor on Friday because her temperature was 103.9 at 2AM that morning! That's the highest it's ever been, so it scared me. She has mild bronchitis and is on antibiotics now. MB has a cold, too. Poor things. I hope that they feel better on Tuesday morning so that they can enjoy the special day. :)

Smells Like Christmas

I've been remembering some of my early childhood Christmases. My favorite memories are of my Dad going to find us a Christmas tree. He would go to my great grandmother's farm to choose a cedar tree. We were excited and kept looking out the window for his return. Then, once the tree was inside, it's wonderful spicy scent would permeate the house. I especially remember the smell of the cedar tree as it was warmed up by the old fashioned Christmas lights. It smelled so wonderful and is something that I will never forget. Whenever I smell cedar, it smells like Christmas to me.

Sick Again

My kids are sick again. Boo-hoo. I'm hoping to get them better by Christmas. It's never fun being sick during the holidays. I won't be posting much while they're sick. I worry so much about them when they're not feeling well.

Today: The TEST

Today was the test. I didn't get depressed even though the day went like this-

1. MG woke up on an off starting at 3:30 AM with non-stop coughing.

2. I got the kids dressed to take MG to preschool even though she was sick...because I had to drop off some items to their Christmas party.

3. After that, I was going to drive the kids to McDonald's for breakfast. As we were stopped at a light, MB barfed all over himself and his carseat. I kept my cool & parked and changed him since I try to always carry an extra set of clothes-whew!

4. This evening we looked at our electric bill & since it was snowy on that day, the meter reader didn't come out and they estimated it. Uh, they charged us $100 extra with there crappy estimate! We're conservative with our heat & I know that we didn't use that much more, so we get to argue about that tomorrow. GRR...this is almost what made me lose it today. I was very good about keeping my cool all day until this. Sigh...It does feel better to get it off my chest.

Money

We've really been feeling the effects of the rise in cost of electricity and gas prices here. The electricity went up about 75% in our area, and then I'm spending alot on gas getting MG to and from her preschool. I've got to think about ways of reducing our bills. So here's my boring post about money woes and ideas to help the situation.

1. Find a closer preschool for MG. I love the one she is at, but it is a 30 minute drive from here. But then there's the issue of a closer one being more expensive! UGH!
2. Can't do anything about the heating with electricity issue, but will go without air conditioning more often in the summer.
3. Put up a clothesline to use the clothes dryer less.
4. Try to work 2 extra hours per week at my job. I have to get this approved, but it's a possibility since we are short staffed.
5. Potty Train the kids...completely. Diapers and pull-ups are a huge expense.
6. Plant more veggies in the Summer.

Those are the best ideas that I have right now. I think that it'll make a difference. Once the kids are in school, I will need to work more hours or try to find a full time job. We're getting close to January... time to start thinking about new year's resolutions. :) Anyone else out there having problems because the huge rise in costs of electricity and gas?

My Side of the Bed!

One night last week during the wee morning hours, I got up to go to the bathroom. When I came back, this is what my side of the bed looked like. Funny picture, huh?

Snow Fun!

We had an early December snow. We played out in it yesterday and today. It's funny how we bundle little kids up so that they can barely move. Whenever MB fell down, he couldn't get back up because of the layers and layers of clothes! They had so much fun. :)

Do you think that I'm acting better?

That's the question that I asked Mark the other night. I wanted to know if he could see a difference in my behavior and attitude since I started taking meds for the depression again. He said that, yes, it has made a difference. I really do feel better. I've been getting out and doing more. I hadn't realized just how much I was moping around the house and couldn't bring myself to go places. It really helps me to be more positive. The biggest change is that MG's behavior has become better too. I'm much more tolerant and patient and have lost some of the anger problems.

I haven't written as much because I've been busy doing extra holiday related things. Plus, my work has been busier because one person is on medical leave and at the same time, my department has taken on some new job responsibilities. There's also some weirdness going on at work, but I'm really not going to worry about it or think about it at this point. I've got more fun things to think about.

Hope that you guys are all doing ok. If the kids get to bed earlier tonight, I'll catch up on reading your blogs. :)

Fun Thanksgiving, Craziness Ever Since

We really did have a fun Thanksgiving. The kids loved seeing their cousins. It was fun to cook good food for more people! All my cooking turned out good this time! :) ...even the new things that I tried for the first time.

Things have just been so busy since then...at work, at home. The kids both have colds, so you know how that is. Grumpy and wild! A bad combination! I also put up the Christmas tree and that seemed to make the kids even more excited and hyper. The good news is that MB pulled down the tree only once so far, and I caught it before it hit the floor. He keeps pulling the garland off of it, but that's OK. We get to have fun decorating it over and over and over again! Woopee!

I have to describe today in a little more detail to show you why I feel like my blood pressure went up today. First of all, MB got up during the night because he was uncomfortable with his cold. He actually climbed out of his bed and went running and screaming down the hall in the dark! I had to chase after him and sleep with him out on the couch. Then we woke up around 9AM and he wouldn't eat anything. He then opened the fridge and pulled out the eggs. I assumed that he wanted scrambled eggs, so I started cooking some. Whenever I turned my back, he was back at the fridge pulling out more eggs! I kept having to run over and get them from him. I finally got smart and put them out of his reach on the counter top. He went to the living room and was busily playing, so I hurried over and returned the eggs to the fridge. The next thing I know, MB has eggs splattered all over the floor and then he slides right through them and falls with his blankies. So he had raw eggs all over himself and his blankies and the floor! He had returned for a fifth time to grab the eggs from the fridge. The persistent little bugger!

I was so mad, but it all cleaned up. Then I got the kids out to the store for Popsicles which is the only thing that they want to eat with these colds. Sigh. It's all very funny now, but I really wondered if things could get any crazier. That's a dangerous thing to wonder. :)

Guests for Thanksgiving & Mixing Traditions

We just found out that we are going to have guests for Thanksgiving. :) I am very excited. Mark's brother and my sister-in-law plus their three children are coming up next Tuesday! We just saw them a few weeks ago and stayed there for the first part of our vacation in Kentucky. That was the best part of our trip. I'm really looking forward to seeing them again. I love talking to my sister-in-law, so this will be very nice. We didn't think that they would be able to come, so this is such a great surprise! It is such a treat to see the cousins playing together, and what fun it will be! Now I have some motivation to CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN this weekend.

When I first moved to this area, I was surprised when my mother-in-law cooked sauerkraut to go with the turkey and stuffing for Thanksgiving. That is a traditional Thanksgiving side dish here! And it's not the sauerkraut that I grew up with. It is cooked with caraway seed, apples, potatoes and sausage in the slow cooker. It is delicious. I'll have to get some tips on how to prepare it this way. Then I'll definitely have to make my mom's version of Southern cornbread dressing. It's going to be a mixture of traditions. It'll be fun!

Olives for Me!

Isn't this the cutest? One of MB's favorite treats is OLIVES of all things! He really loves them. He wanted green olives with his breakfast and later black olives for a snack. He requests them by name. I'm not sure why he loves them so much. I like them, too, but not for breakfast.

I need to try to find ways for the kids to get exercise when the weather is yucky outside, especially since Winter is at our doorstep. There are things to do like going to storytimes at the library, but those things aren't the same as running and playing outside. It seems hard to find outdoors things to do in the cold weather with little kids. I'm trying to remember if I played on my swing set when it was cold outside when I was a kid. I think that I did sometimes, but it didn't get as cold down South as it does here. I'm not complaining, though. Really..the Winters are beautiful here when it snows.

What Really Matters

Today I took action against my negative thoughts and worries and took the kids to the park to play even though I didn't feel like it. It was cool outside and MB is still getting over his cold. He was all action today, though, so he must be feeling better! I'm Mrs. Mopey Worrywart much of the time and THAT MUST CHANGE. Anyway, I took the kids to the park, and they were so happy. I could tell that the fresh air and play made them feel better and act better. I felt better, too. :)

I have to realize that my main priority is helping my kids to have happy lives. That's really truly one of the most important things to me. I think that getting them to play and taking them to places that they can play with other kids or do fun activities is extremely important. I've been mopey and have not been going out much, but I think that I need to do it no matter how I feel. It's bound to make me feel better anyway. I also want to have a more positive attitude. There's no good in worry or negativity and it rubs off on the kids in a hurtful way. I know because my mom was a negative and depressed person. I know the effect that it can have on children.

Taking action to help the kids...I can do that. :) Tomorrow I plan to take MB to a story time program at the library while MG is in her preschool class. This is much more meaningful than wasting money on shopping, and it's free!

It's a Madhouse!

I telecommute some evenings. That's what I'm doing tonight. The kids have been wild monkeys all night, and it sounds like a zoo out there. Sure, working from home is great, but sometimes it's really hard to concentrate if you're telecommuting from THE ZOO. The kids have been pretty wild all day plus they have colds. Maybe they'll be all wound down by the time I am off from work. :)

One thing that has been difficult is getting any type of cleaning done. I really suck at cleaning, & I don't know why. I feel that I have cleaned things up if I am so lucky to get the dishes done and the trash/diaper pails changed so the house doesn't stink. Sometimes I try to pick up toys. Is this just how it's going to be until the kids get a little older? Also, I sometimes don't notice the mess until it has become a mountain. Then I feel so overwhelmed and can't seem to find the time to clean it all up. I guess that's what I should be doing each night, but I'm so tired then! Excuses, excuses. Then a "certain person I know" fusses about the mess even when I've worked on it, so I do feel overwhelmed and unmotivated by it all. Ugh!!!!

Other than that, I've really been feeling much better. Not so depressed!

Brainstorming Changes

I have been thinking alot lately. I am really feeling more positive and want to explore ways to improve things for my family. I sure feel lack of motivation at my job. It also feels like a negative atmosphere for me. It's been good to telecommute alot and be here for my kids, but it's a sedentary job, and I'm at home too much. It has had good aspects because my kids do not have to be in childcare. I LOVE being with my kids.

I realize that with preschool and kindergarten coming up in the next few years, my schedule wouldn't be serving it's purpose any longer. I would actually be seeing less of the kids with my working nights and every other Saturday. We need the money, so I do need to work. I also think that it's good for me with my shy tendencies because I'm forced to talk to people. :)

So here's my plan. My biggest concern before looking for a job would be to make sure that I have a good place for my kids to learn and be taken care of. MG is doing well in preschool now, and MB will be old enough to start next Fall. Some childcare centers offer preschool and are learning centered. That's my task. I want to check out the preschool and childcare programs and get my kids on waiting lists. Then I could start looking at job ideas.

One initial job idea would be a teacher assistant position at a local public school. (This is something that I've done before). We have a new school opening next Fall, so their may be positions opening up then. The pay is not the greatest, but I would be working a schedule similar to my kids' schedule...especially when they're both in elementary school. I also like working with kids and it would help me to be more in tune with the educational needs of my own kids. There also might be the opportunity to continue on with the library as a substitute working occasionally to fill in and make extra money. The thing that would be nice is that I would be home in the evenings and on weekends and in the Summer. That would allow more time with the kids and MM or allow time for the substituting to earn extra money. Right now I have very little time with MM or family time where we're all able to do something together.

Sigh. Those are my ideas. I know there are probably a million "what ifs". With my depression problem, I tend to not take action on making good changes in my life. I tend to procrastinate. I am starting to feel better now that I'm getting treatment, so I hope that this will help motivate me. :) Please feel free to send any ideas or thoughts my way. :)

It Was Worth It

We really enjoyed our family time and taking the kids trick-or-treating. It was fun! Here's a pic of our little Elmo and Snow White with her kitty friend. :)