Brainstorming Changes

I have been thinking alot lately. I am really feeling more positive and want to explore ways to improve things for my family. I sure feel lack of motivation at my job. It also feels like a negative atmosphere for me. It's been good to telecommute alot and be here for my kids, but it's a sedentary job, and I'm at home too much. It has had good aspects because my kids do not have to be in childcare. I LOVE being with my kids.

I realize that with preschool and kindergarten coming up in the next few years, my schedule wouldn't be serving it's purpose any longer. I would actually be seeing less of the kids with my working nights and every other Saturday. We need the money, so I do need to work. I also think that it's good for me with my shy tendencies because I'm forced to talk to people. :)

So here's my plan. My biggest concern before looking for a job would be to make sure that I have a good place for my kids to learn and be taken care of. MG is doing well in preschool now, and MB will be old enough to start next Fall. Some childcare centers offer preschool and are learning centered. That's my task. I want to check out the preschool and childcare programs and get my kids on waiting lists. Then I could start looking at job ideas.

One initial job idea would be a teacher assistant position at a local public school. (This is something that I've done before). We have a new school opening next Fall, so their may be positions opening up then. The pay is not the greatest, but I would be working a schedule similar to my kids' schedule...especially when they're both in elementary school. I also like working with kids and it would help me to be more in tune with the educational needs of my own kids. There also might be the opportunity to continue on with the library as a substitute working occasionally to fill in and make extra money. The thing that would be nice is that I would be home in the evenings and on weekends and in the Summer. That would allow more time with the kids and MM or allow time for the substituting to earn extra money. Right now I have very little time with MM or family time where we're all able to do something together.

Sigh. Those are my ideas. I know there are probably a million "what ifs". With my depression problem, I tend to not take action on making good changes in my life. I tend to procrastinate. I am starting to feel better now that I'm getting treatment, so I hope that this will help motivate me. :) Please feel free to send any ideas or thoughts my way. :)

It Was Worth It

We really enjoyed our family time and taking the kids trick-or-treating. It was fun! Here's a pic of our little Elmo and Snow White with her kitty friend. :)

Dressing Up for Halloween?

It was always so much fun as a kid. I remember wearing those cheesy old plastic masks and costumes from the 70s and 80s. Trick or treating was so much fun. Nowdays I usually don't dress up, because it's fun enough dressing the kids up. MG is going to be Snow White and MB will be Elmo. I let them choose their costumes this year. They both dressed up for the party at MG's preschool today. I wasn't going to put MB in his costume, but he started yelling "E-mo! E-mo!" when he saw his sister all dressed up. They were cute! Metal Mark is planning on dressing up. :) I might.... especially since it was difficult for me to actually be off from work for Halloween. Hmmm...what shall I be? Hillbilly, Scarecrow, Witch?

Happy Halloween Thoughts

I'm feeling better and more positive today for several reasons. I may get to go trick-or-treating after all after switching my job hours to actually work all day, but be off for Halloween night. Hurrah! Then today, I'm going to visit my co-worker who is on medical leave and take her flowers. I'll have a little free time to myself when I do that. It's a beautiful sunshiny day outside. Mark and I had Mommy and Daddy time last night. We even got to play the Wii Nintendo game that he borrowed from work... he has to learn how to play it for job related reasons. :) Finally, I am going to see my doctor tomorrow about my depression problems... even though I may not actually be depressed tomorrow. The blues come and go.

I've also been thinking about how to smooth things over with my brother and his wife. I am going to send a thank you note with pictures that we took. I've just been thinking about how my brother and I were just like MB and MG when we were little...we're very close in age. I have all kinds of pictures of he and I together and lots of good memories of playing together when we were kids. We kind of got less close over the years, and I'm actually closer with my youngest brother for some reason.

I Yelled at the Burger King Girl

I'm getting tired of taking other people's crap. I've always done it because I really don't like arguing or yelling or anything like that. Well, yesterday the Burger King girl was rude to me basically because she couldn't hear me at the drive through window. (Not my fault) I yelled at her, something I never do. She was being bitchy, so I was that way in return. It's pretty sad that the only person that I can stand up to is the poor Burger King girl.

I've been upset with my brother and sister-in-law. Then I came home to be attacked about my lousy parenting because I don't have the kids in church. Now I'm having trouble at work. I know that I've discussed this before, too. More than a month ago, I put in to take off for Halloween. My supervisor acted strange and did not want me to take off for my vacation South and he did not want me to take off for Halloween either. Nevertheless, he found someone to sub for me for Halloween. Now he is basically telling me that I can't be off after all because of another issue with a co-worker's medical leave. I understand about that, but he's not asking me, he's telling me. I tried to explain to my daughter, but she doesn't understand. I never take off extra on holidays.

I know that Halloween isn't the most important holiday and that it's not the end of the world if I miss it, but I'm upset with my supervisor's attitude towards me. Everything changed once I had kids and I quit working extra hours for free and when my schedule became fixed. My job used to be my number one priority, but now it's not. My kids come first. I have to have my job in order to have enough money to raise our kids. Maybe my performance at my job has gone downhill. I could probably do better. I feel burnt out. I've been in the same job for almost 9 years. Could that be the problem?

I'm really depressed.
Update: I just set up that doctor's appointment that I've been putting off. It'll be on Monday morning when MM is watching the kids. I sure hope that this will help me. That's the earliest appointment that I could get. I know that I have to do something about this depression.

Not Excited About Church

This is my new issue to deal with. We have had a very well-meaning relative nagging us because the kids are not in church. I'm actually pretty livid about this right now for many reasons. The person who nags us has no clue to how difficult it is to get two toddlers ready and there on time that early in the morning. They also do not know what it's like for both parents to work and have alternating schedules and to feel like going to church to sit and listen to a self righteous wind bag go on and on about things that they really don't really know about after all. OK, I'm really mad and sorry that this is so negative. Sigh. I do want to go to church, but not with hypocrites or with prejudiced people who look down on others. In my past, I've seen so much of this especially at church. Maybe this isn't for the right reasons, but I'd only be going to church to let my kids experience being around other kids. Also, Mark and I could stand to make a few friends. I believe in God and Jesus and I do try to teach my kids about this. I think that my in-laws believe that we aren't telling the kids anything and are raising them to be heathens. I'm sorry, but church will not get you to heaven. Maybe I'll find a church that doesn't turn me off & then maybe I'll feel differently. Actually, we are going to try the closest one to our house... maybe next Sunday. The minster is a woman, so I am excited that perhaps this will make the whole experience better for me. You see, I grew up in the Southern Baptist church which pretty much looks down on women altogether. Very bad, negative experiences. So, I definitely need a different type of church than the one I grew up in. I can't live with myself if I go to church just to be going to church or to be appeasing the well-meaning relatives. I really have to go somewhere where I believe what I'm hearing & the people have to be genuinely kind, caring people... not a bunch of phony self-righteous people.

Please, I really would like to hear any advice or thoughts on this. Sorry about my rant. It's just that we had some rough moments on our vacation & then we're being attacked about the church issue. It makes me sad and stressed.

95% Wonderful

There were so many wonderful things about our trip, so I am going to think about those things. Even though the situation at my brother's house upset me, it's sad that I'm dwelling on that when the good things outweigh anything bad. :) It wasn't ALL bad at my brother's house, either. I'm going to write about the good parts, so that I can just let the other things go and forget about it. After all, it was only about 5% bad!

One of the best things was that our kids were so very good on the long drive down to Kentucky! We left on Sunday morning at 6AM. The kids watched the portable DVD player, looked at books, slept, had snacks and we made several stops for potty breaks and food. They did great and did not get too fussy! They were great on the drive back home, too. We were very lucky.

When we were driving through the beautiful mountains of West Virginia, we went through an area that overlooked a huge valley. I saw sky divers parachuting! It was just beautiful. Unfortunately, my camera was not within reach. On our way back home as we drove through the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, I took pictures of the Blue Ridge Mountains. The leaves had started changing to pretty oranges, reds and yellows. MG enjoyed seeing the mountains .

Spills

Earlier today I posted about the good & bad things about our vacation. The most difficult part was the situation at my brother' s house where they both were afraid that we were going to get a speck of dirt on their carpet or something like that. Mark and I were talking about the differences in reactions to spills. As most of you know, kids spill things. It happens quite often. Actually, most adults spill things too. Anyway, we had spills happen at three different relatives' homes and it is so funny to compare the very different reactions to the spills. It's also very revealing of the differing personalities. :)

FIRST SPILL
The first spill happened at Mark's brother's house. MG turned over a glass of water in the kitchen that went all over the floor and under the kiddy table. My extremely easy going sister-in-law aka mother of three boys said "Oh, don't worry about it... we'll just clean it up later." She insisted that we leave it there, and we all went into the living room to watch the kids and just left the mess for later!

SECOND SPILL
The second spill happened at my brother Andy's house. MG was putting her little bottle of orange drink on the table when she slipped with it in her hand and is spilled onto the kitchen floor. My brother said not to worry and he grabbed a dry paper towel and began cleaning it up. I suggested that he use water so that the floor wouldn't get sticky, so he then wet the paper towel and wiped up the mess. Then my sister-in-law with the corn cob stuck up her butt walked into the room. She became very stressed and was upset that we were using water instead of a special cleanser. She said "We can't let it get under the rug!", so my brother had to pull back the rug even though the spill had not gone near it. After that, we were fussed at about cleaning our feet, dropping food on the kitchen floor, etc. We were walking on egg shells.

THIRD SPILL
This one is my favorite. We were visiting my youngest brother Jason when MG (poor MG...it's always her) bumped some one's soda which spilled down under the couch and under the end table. My brother and sister-in-law laughed as my brother got down on his hands and knees to wipe it up with a dry cloth towel. He then peered under the couch and said "Hey! So that's where those books went!" The spill turned into a good thing because my brother began pulling out items that had fallen down behind the couch that he thought were lost. They were laughing about it the whole time. Funny, funny, funny!

******All these reactions perfectly illustrate the atmosphere in each home. So, what would your reaction be if a kid spilled a drink on your floor? Personally, I would reassure the child that it was OK. Next, I would happily clean it up. Then it would be forgotten. If it leaves a stain, I simply use the steam cleaner and stain remover when I get a chance. No big deal! :)

THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UGLY

We're back from our vacation South where we visited family in both Kentucky and Tennessee. It was a very emotional, tiring, wonderful trip for me. It was mostly GOOD. There were a few BAD things. As for UGLY, I'll write about the strange things for this category. I really need to write about these experiences. :)

THE GOOD

• The kids got to play with other children. They loved seeing their cousins in Kentucky. They also got to play with my friends' kids who are close in age. It was a treat to see my daughter playing dolls and watching TV with my best friend's little girl.
• We loved seeing the kids' joy when they played with the puppies for the first time at my youngest brother's house.
• It was such fun to see MG interact with the baby of my family...her 6 month old cousin. She taught him how to stick out his tongue. I will post pictures of this soon. :)
• The Fall leaves were just beautiful driving through Virginia in the Shenandoah Valley.
• I got to have a very special conversation with my best friend's mother who was like a mother to me when I was a kid going through hard times.
• I also had a very deep and helpful conversation with my sister-in-law in KY. She is a very spiritual person.
• The kids were so very good while we drove. We did not have to stay in a hotel because the kids slept at the perfect times. :)
• My Mom was very happy and had a wonderful time. She was not so devastated when we left and was in such good spirits when I talked to her on the phone when we got back to Maryland.

THE BAD

• We stayed with my sister-in-law and brother in TN. They had invited us to stay there which I appreciate, but I had no idea that she was so particular and unused to young children. It was so bad the first night because she almost had a hernia when MG spilled a little juice on her kitchen floor. Then my brother fussed at us about EVERYTHING that the kids were doing. It was almost unbearable and I spent most of that night crying. We were so exhausted, the kids were a little wild from having pent up energy and my brother and sister-in-law did not know how to handle it. I didn't think that we would get to stay there. During that first night, I made up my mind that we would stay, but try to do lots during the day to keep out of their hair. There was some rudeness on my brother and sister-in-law's part, but I think that they were so overwhelmed and had absolutely no realistic clue to how children behave. I was pushed to the point of speaking my mind once, but I did OK with that. Whew, I also bit my tongue once to not say something rude. It turned out fine, but we were very glad to be leaving there. I'm sure that my sister-in-law fumigated the place after we got out of there. I can't wait to see what happens in a few years when her little baby is a rowdy toddler....hee hee hee.
• We had to drive through a storm in the dark when we were almost home. That was a bit scary.

THE UGLY

Well, I can only think of the strange bizarre thing for this category. When we were driving down to KY, we stopped at a restaurant for breakfast at McDonald's. I took MB into the bathroom to change his diaper. There was no changing table thing, so I assumed that it was in the occupied handicapped restroom. I waited and waited and waited, but the person would not come out. Eventually, an elderly employee walked in and began talking to this person in the stall. I asked about the changing table & she said that yes, it was in the occupied stall. Finally a woman who looked to be about 60 came out. She was an employee as well. She stood in front of the mirror and looked at herself and began talking to me. She acted strange and talked in a whispery voice and said this: "I am so sweaty that I couldn't get my panties up." Her face was very red. Then she kind of put her hand to her throat and said that it felt like a rope was constricting it. I didn't know what to say and hurried into the stall with MB. Low and behold, there was no changing table in there after all !!! We ended up changing him in the car. Meanwhile, I saw the strange lady come out of the bathroom and go right back to work.

Self Image

Our vacation South is coming up very soon. I'm embarrassed that I weigh more than I did the last time my family saw me, & I was pregnant at that time! I'm wondering if there's anything that I can do to improve my image before we leave. Maybe a haircut? I have let my hair grow long and all one length. I ALWAYS wear it up with clips now. Maybe a long-layered update might help, I don't know. Sigh. I need to do something to help me feel better about how I look before I see everybody. Losing 50 pounds in 2 days is not an option. I guess it's likely that no one will notice too much about how I look since they'll be focusing on getting to know the kids.

I got sad about this yesterday when I was forced to weigh myself on scales. I had been avoiding this on purpose. When I took MB to the doctor's office, he went crazy and refused to be weighed. MB remembers getting shots from the nurses. I was asked to hold him and step on the scales and then weigh myself so that I could subtract my weight from the total in order to get his weight. I was not happy to have to do this & the nurse even announced my weight out loud! Ugh!

Zoo Fun

Today was the zoo trip for MG's preschool class. The kids had a wonderful time! I love the zoo. MG was so cute because she insisted on holding the map and was trying to navigate us through the park. :) She's been watching a lot of "Dora the Explorer" lately.

New Post on My Other Blog

I got up early to have a breakfast of cough drops, Tylenol, crackers, cheese & coffee. Nice combination for my cold, huh? I tell you, we have had a Summer full of colds and the stomach virus! We had a cold two weeks ago & then a new cold during this past week. I do hope that we can go a few weeks without being sick! Especially during our trip! Well, since my cold woke me up so early, I had extra time to post on my Southern themed blog. So, if you have a few seconds, check out my new post entitled "Mayberry is Where I Want to Live".

Our Trip South

We'll soon be going South to visit our families in KY and TN. I'm really looking forward to spending time with family. This will be the first time that many of my relatives will meet my kids!! I'm also homesick to see the beautiful Smoky Mountains. The mountain range was visible from my childhood home's front doorstep, so I want to stand on my Mom's front porch to see that view again. My heart longs to see everyone! It's been 4 years since our last visit when I was 5 months pregnant with my daughter.

I am a bit concerned about the long road trip for our kids. I want this to be comfortable and fun for them. I'm beginning to think about staying in a hotel on the way there. We would have to pay the extra money, but maybe it would be worth it. I'm trying to figure out which of these two options would be better for us.

OPTION #1
Get the kids up at 5 AM and let them sleep a few more hours while we begin our road trip. Then we would travel all morning and into the early afternoon to get to KY in one day. By that time, it would be the kids' nap time and there's the potential for major grumpiness when we reach our destination. It might not be that bad, but it does seem to go against their normal routine.

OPTION#2
Leave one day ahead of time after lunch & after the kids have had a chance to play. They would get drowsy and take their naps during the majority of the trip to the midway point where we would stop at the hotel and stay overnight. Then we would get up in the morning and have breakfast and an early lunch before leaving for the remainder of the trip.

As you can probably guess, I'm leaning towards OPTION#2. It really seems more natural to the kids' normal schedule. Plus, MG will only take a nap in the car now. I think that they would both feel better and be less tired if we did this. We'd probably feel better too. My hubby and I have been debating about this because of the extra $ that it would cost. I have a few days to think it over. :)

Best Friends! (another favorite Summer pic)

Here's my favorite Metal Boy picture from the Summer! These two guys are best friends! :)

Favorite Summer Photo

I especially like this picture of mother daughter. :) You know what? Sometimes when MG is acting up or freaking out, all she really needs is a hug or to be held. The other night she wanted me to rock her to sleep like a baby and sing to her. It was nice. She is still a little girl who needs that sometimes, and I need to not forget that.

Head Spinning

I always get to this point where I have several problems that I'm working on, and I have all these great ideas for solving the problems, but there are so many things swirling around in my head that it gets overwhelming and confused! And then I get caught up in the confusion, and I don't solve anything. Does that make sense? Sigh! I'm one unorganized person on the inside and outside. I feel like a hamster running round and round in an exercise wheel. Maybe I need to focus on one thing at a time. I'm one to try to let EVERYTHING accumulate and overwhelm myself.

Want to see the list things spinning in my head? Maybe I'll list them and then make a little outline what I should do about it.

1. I feel depressed on and off.
a. Schedule a doctor's appointment
b. Exercise at least 15 minutes each morning, before kids wake up
c. Eat healthy foods

2. Daughter having sleep issues.
a. Get her to bed early. 8:30 PM would be ideal.
b. Make sure that she has a snack beforehand since sometimes she wakes up because she's hungry.

3. Daughter behavior issues.
Ugh...this is the one that's touchy for me right now. This is the difficult one that is probably caused by #1 and 2 above! You know what, this must be true. So I should definitely quit obsessing over the bad behaviors and focus on getting my depression straightened out and MG getting more sleep. Then I think that her behavior will improve. Wow... that's the answer...so simple. :)

I haven't scheduled the doctor's appointment, and that's what I have to do tomorrow. I've been putting it off.

Busy Bee

That's what I've been lately. I actually feel more energized from having changed my eating habits. The depression has been a problem, but it really helps when I'm doing something. On Sunday, I vacuumed the house and steam cleaned the carpet. Then I cut up a billion vegetables and prepared my soup for the week. I'm doing the Soup Diet and it really is healthy, and you don't starve yourself! It's so tasty and makes cooking meals so easy during the week! You have the basic vegetable soup that's very filling and then you add different ingredients to it so that you have a different kind of soup for dinner for seven days. The breakfasts and lunches are all filling too. I don't know if I'll lose weight from it because I'm not starving, but I do feel extra energy from eating healthier! This morning I got up early and went walking before Mark left for work and before the kids got up. Then later I cleaned up the house and folded laundry. When I laid down for a bit in the afternoon, I began to feel sad, so I got back up and started preparing dinner for the kids.

This evening I worked on my knitting while watching TV. I can actually do both at the same time now. :) It'll probably take forever to finish the little blanket, but that's not what's important. It's definitely something to keep my hands occupied, and it really relaxes me. I know that it's just a few days since I started making these changes, but I am feeling better. I don't know if it's my change in attitude or just good vibes rubbing off on MG, but she has had better behavior. She was so sweet today. We are still having sleep issues with her, though. Just a little while ago she woke up hungry. She was squirting jelly on bread, but the jelly was so thick that it wouldn't come out easily. She said, "It's constipated!" Well, she understands the meaning of that! She cracks me up.

Well, now I really can't keep my eyes open any longer even though I'm reading an interesting book that I will probably pick up before falling asleep. Having time to read is a challenge. I have recently subscribed to a web site that e-mails me book chapters each day. Somehow, I do find more time to read that way. The only problem is that I love to hold a real in the print book in my hands. Good night & here's the link to the soup diet in case you're interested!

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health/amazing-soup-diet-1007

Our Cat Family >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I just discovered how to make a montage of the cats that have been a part of my family recently. They're over there in my side bar. We found a good home for two of these guys, but kept all the rest! Yep, we take care of five of these furry critters! Can you guess which two are the spoiled indoor cats?

This one, Bo Bo, is the character of the bunch! Yesterday when I had the kids out on the front porch painting water colors, he kept sneaking up on them and stealing their paint brushes out of their hands! He would grab the end of the paint brush in his mouth and take off with it. He is also the cat who enjoys going on stroller rides with the kids! :)

What I have to do

It just seems that my daughter's behavior has gotten bad ever since I quit taking medication for depression. I can't help but think that she is being affected by my behavior. I really wanted to be able to completely stop taking it, but that doesn't seem to be the right thing to do. I just want to be happy around my kids especially. I get sad way too often over tiny things. I am going to call my doctor today. I think that MG suddenly acting up at the same time of my ending the medication is just too much of a coincidence for me to ignore.

Knitting the Worries Away

Over the weekend, I taught myself how to knit. I stayed up till 3AM one night trying to figure out how to do the "knit stitch" after learning how to "cast on". I figured it out, and I love it. It is the perfect thing for me to keep my fingers busy. I love to make things and this really satisfies that urge to create and it is very relaxing. My first project is a miniature blanket for MG's "babies" which are her toy lizards and stuffed animals. After that, I am going to make a baby blanket for my brother's baby who is expected to arrive in December. I had a rough episode with MG today. It's hard, but we're dealing with it and trying to help her. Sigh. Now I'm going to go watch an episode of Andy Griffith, eat a little pop corn and knit! :)

Remind me to tell you about the soup diet that I'm trying. I'll start it tomorrow.

PBSing, Bologna Throwing and Blankie Surfing

PBSing - "I'm gonna say that PBS word!" That was the puzzling thing that my daughter announced to me yesterday. I was very puzzled at first, but had to LOL when I realized why she was referring to a curse word in this manner. She has overheard me calling it the "F" word or the "Sh" word or sometimes I even spell it when discussing it with Mark. She couldn't remember exactly what combination of letters I use, so she chose the acronym that she is most familiar with. She watches PBS shows like "Dragon Tales" and "Sesame Street". She also calls the UPS truck the PBS truck.

Bologna Throwing - This has become MB's new pastime. He begs for a piece of bologna from the fridge, he takes one bite and then he throws it like a Frisbee across the room. Sometimes I see it flying through the air, but other times I don't find it until I step on it barefoot. Did you know that it's as slippery as a banana peel?

Blankie Surfing - This is a new sport that I invented recently. MG had left the fridge open, so MB ran to it as quick as lightening and grabbed the eggs and was raising them over his head to smash upon the floor. I screamed and ran to the fridge and stepped on his blankie half way there. Then I surfed the rest of the way to the fridge. This gave me just enough speed to save the eggs!

To Spank or Not to Spank

This is my big dilemma. Before having children, I decided that I did not believe that it was right to spank. I just felt deeply that it was wrong to belittle a child by striking him or her for any reason. I also dislike causing physical pain. I hate it, in fact. Well, now I have felt the need to spank my child. It was a last resort when taking favorite toys away and time-out failed to work. It was one smack on the bottom, but it worked. It was the only thing that made my child stop and listen and quit the bad thing that she was doing repeatedly. But it made me feel horrible because it goes against my philosophy of no spanking. Why is this the only thing that worked in this instance? I'm very disappointed in myself for not being able to succeed in punishing in a different way. I think that sometimes I'm too wishy washy and too much of a softie, so my daughter doesn't understand that I mean business. Ah, but I don't like to yell either! I was spanked as a child. I don't feel that I was abused. I was spanked when I did something unacceptable. The only problem is that I remember a few times of being spanked, and I really didn't understand what I'd done wrong. Gee, after all that, I still feel terrible and that somehow I failed by spanking. Maybe there were other things that I could have tried, but I was completely low on patience. : (

My questions for you:

1. Do you use or have you used spanking as punishment?

2. If so, is it as last resort when nothing else works? or Is it a loss of patience moment?

3. Were you spanked as a child? And do you think that it damaged you for life? Or do you think that it was beneficial means of punishment?

PS. Did you like the picture of the nifty time-out bench at the top of the page? I think that my kid would purposely get put in time-out just to sit on the cool "bad girl" bench. :)

Sleeping In

Wow...it's 9:15 AM and all is quiet in the house. The kids are just getting over being sick AGAIN, so I'm letting them rest as long as they want this morning. I have a little free time, too. :) I was up last night upset about my childhood friend that I told you about in the last post. My Mom sees her husband and youngest baby at church, so she keeps telling me that he asks for his mother every time she sees him. It's hard to get that image out of my mind, and it has made me sad. I spent two hours taking apart and putting together the kids' train set because it helps me to think. Making something also is therapeutic for me. After that, I got out my bible and read and prayed. That seemed to help even if I did read from Job.

Maybe this is wrong, but the book of Job has always seemed so unfair to me. With my friend's suicide, I keep saying to myself "why does God let this happen?" It's the same feeling sometimes when I wonder why my Dad died. Right after he died, I don't remember who it was, but someone told me that it was meant to be. I just can't believe that terrible things like this happen for any good reason. Have any of you ever struggled with this? I want to go to church, but I'm a little mixed up on what I believe right now. I can't stand sitting through a service with a preacher spouting off things that I can't believe. I guess that's food for thought for another time. I hear a little boy waking up. :)

Brandy

Update about this- Apparently, Brandy had bipolar disorder. I don't know if she was getting help for this or not, but she was diagnosed with it at some point. It really bothers me, and makes me realize how important it is to get help when you're having depression problems. The more I find out about this, the sadder it is.


A childhood friend from my hometown committed suicide two weeks ago. I just found out today. She was just 26 years young. She left behind her husband and three young children. The youngest is 1 and 1/2 and my Mom heard him crying for his Mommy. This is the first time that I've ever known someone who committed suicide. I remember this happy laughing little girl who I liked to pretend was my little sister. She went to my church and her Aunt used to babysit me, my brothers and Brandy. We used to all play together along with her cousins. She was just this beautiful little girl with big violet blue eyes who was always smiling and laughing and happy. That's what I remember. How could this happen? I ache for those poor babies. The poor dear things. This is just horrible. I don't understand it. I just don't understand. Please say a prayer for her family.

Pooped All of the Time

I'm so extremely tired virtually all of the time. I really hate feeling this way constantly. I wonder if being overweight is causing me to feel this way. It's been even more intense this week because MG is going to preschool and MB has been sick and I've been exercising more. I have some problems with change in routine, too, so the extra stress of that makes me even more tired. Maybe there are a few things that I need to do to help me with this problem.

1. Get some sleep at night & get everyone in bed before 10:00 PM (Including myself)

2. Keep eating normally until I get used to the exercise.

Gee, that's all I can think of. I guess if that doesn't help, then maybe I should see the doctor. Any advice? :)

Volcanic Eruption?

I don't normally write about controversial issues, but I wanted to write just a bit about Mary Winkler. I never watch TV, but I thought about watching Oprah today for the interview with the woman who killed her preacher husband. Then I got sidetracked with the kids at 4PM, so I had to read it online instead. I found the verdict and sentence so disturbing, but I wanted to hear her speak.

She grew up just down the road from my grandparents' house in Knoxville, Tennessee. (Literally about 2 miles down the road) She graduated from the same high school that my dad attended. She is close in age with me and is a quiet, shy person... like me. She says that she was an abused wife and something snapped and that she does not remember shooting her husband. I just don't know what to think.

I believe that it's possible that she was abused for years and that things built up because she repressed everything completely. If someone continually represses their pain, especially a shy and quiet person, I think that they have the potential of exploding like a volcano. According to her Oprah interview, and if we believe what she says... her husband got angry at her one year old child for not sleeping and covered the baby's mouth and nose to try and make her "pass out". Maybe this scary abusive thing that he did to her baby was the final straw that caused Mary to explode. I don't know. One problem with everything is that we don't know for sure what really truly happened, because it's all Mary's account of what happened. We can't hear her husband's side of it, because he is dead.

I guess that I really have problems getting this out of my mind because Mary wants custody of her children. This really bothers me. It's all just a terrible horrific situation. I think that the fact that she could blow up and kill someone and not remember doing it would make her a danger to her children. Couldn't she have the potential of getting mad at her child and then exploding and doing something horrible? I do feel sorry for her especially if she was abused, and especially if her children were abused.

It also disturbs me that she didn't try to work things out with her husband. She was quiet and shy and repressed and just let everything build up. Believe me, I know this type of person. I'm a hold it in or bust type person in many ways. Fortunately, I have mini-eruptions and I do get things out of my system when I'm upset. But at one time when I was younger, I held everything in. Being married to my hubby has helped me. He will not let me go to bed mad at him! I'll try to do it, but he just won't let me and will push me till I let the anger out and get it out of my system. Thank God for this! It makes a person very sick to always hold in the anger and pain. It really does, and I think that this must have been what happened to Mary.

Even so, like I said before, we can only hear her side of this. Even if she doesn't remember doing it, she killed her husband. She took her children's father away from them. She took her children's father away from them. She took her children's father away from them! What a horrible thing. It's so sad. My father died in an accident when I was a kid. This was painful, but I can't imagine the pain of what her children have to go through with their daddy dying by their mother's hands. No, I don't think it's safe for her to have sole custody of her children, but I won't be surprised if she gets it. It scares me. And imagine what her in-laws are going through.

I'll stop after this paragraph, I promise. I just want to say one more thing. It really is too bad that there was a loaded gun in that house. What was a loaded gun doing within reach of children anyway? I sure hope that her children will be OK. The poor little things. I am interested in viewpoints of my blogger friends. I thought that you might like to hear mine since I am a quiet, shy person who knows a little bit about volcanic eruptions. What do you think about this whole situation?

OH BOTHER!

SO TIRED Monday Night! I got up early and did my work out, went to work, came home and had lunch and then took the kids to a farm and market where they each picked out a pumpkin and some colorful fall flowers. We also got some fresh corn. Corn and pumpkins didn't grow that well here in our garden because of the drought. Then I stopped by the store to print out pictures for our Summer photo album. Neither kid took a nap, but neither kid has fallen asleep yet and it's 10:51 PM!!! UGH!!!! They were both sick tonight, so maybe that's making it difficult to sleep. MG will be so disappointed if she has to miss her first day of preschool, but they seem to have a little stomach virus. And my stomach is beginning to feel funny. As MG and Winnie the Pooh would say, "OH BOTHER!" Isn't that great? She's frequently substituting the bad word with cute things.. :)

Little Bunny Foo Foo

Tom Arma's Bunny
I've been desperate to find a way to curb my daughter saying curse words. Actually, it's only one curse word. Even though I do not say it anymore, she has been saying it to get a reaction from me. And she has been getting quite a reaction. It completely upsets me. Then I found this excellent article on this topic last night that recommended hiding the emotion in my voice when I punish her. (No yelling or crying on my part) I need to be more matter of fact. Also, it recommended using another word to replace the bad word, but choosing a word with a similar sound. This inspired me to try something goofy today.

Whenever she said the terrible word, I would repeatedly and calmly tell her to say "phooey" instead. Then I told her that every time that she said "phooey" instead of F@#*!, it would make Mommy sing this "terrible song" about the bunny. I played it up by saying "Oh no! I have to sing that awful song AGAIN!" This was just hilarious to her, so I've been singing "Little Bunny Foo Foo" over and over today. I've also had to make her sit in time out which she hates, so that has helped too. Now all I have to do is get Mark to learn the lyrics to "Little Bunny Foo Foo" and we'll have this cursing problem nipped in the bud! :) Maybe he can set the lyrics to a heavy metal tune or something.

I've also been keeping up the cooking healthy dinners. It's a little less stressful since I'm doing it more, but it makes it hard for me to get cleaning or washing dishes finished before my work shift starts. These are the dishes that I'm going to try cooking in the days to come:

Lemony chicken stir-fry with snow peas, red bell pepper and garlic searved over rice. (This was tonight's dinner and was very yummy. It was so pretty cooking in the wok.. I should've taken a pic!)

Meatball volcano sandwiches (These are homemade meatballs with cheese in the centers)

Potato Soup (My kids LOVE potato soup & this recipe is so easy. It requires frozen hashbrowns)

Tuna Cakes (These are so yummy. With my version, you mix the tuna with crumbled seeded rye bread, old bay seasoning and eggs. Then you cook them in peanut oil on the stove top. )

Pizza with homemade crust (I've had a pizza baking stone for years, so now I'm finally using it.)

This is really getting fun, but now I'm so tempted to go to a kitchen store and get some new pans and other cool cooking gadgets!

Ending the Fast Food Habit

Did most of you see this documentary three years ago? I watched it back then and realized how horrible fast food is health wise. Do you remember the part where McDonald's french fries were left to rot in a container for several weeks and they looked virtually the same as they did fresh at the end of that time period? The whole thing made me determined to stop eating fast food. The documentary was very eye-opening. Alas, I was such a hypocrite! It wasn't long before I was right back to eating crummy fast food for convenience. This has continued right up till now, but a few days ago something awful happened.

We went to Wendy's and got something for the kids and took it to the park. We've never had a problem with their food before. My son ate 3 chicken nuggets and some french fries before my hubby and I tried them. We could immediately tell that the oil was old! They were absolutely disgusting. I can't even describe how very nasty it was. And sure enough, several hours later, my little boy was very sick with diarrhea. I felt so horrible and sad that we had unknowingly fed my baby bad food. I was on the verge of calling the doctor. He's OK now, so it only affected him for one day.

Anyway, this experience renews my determination to continue cooking healthy home cooked food for my family. It's difficult sometimes, but I don't want my family suffering from eating bad food or unhealthy fast food. We'll never eat at Wendy's again, but not only that, I need to find a way to stop eating fast food all together. There are healthy delis and other similar restaurants that I could go to. Also, I should always taste the food before I feed it to my children.

Laughter and Chocolate... the best medicines

I've been watching the first season of "I Love Lucy" on DVD. It has really cheered me up more than anything during this time of job stress & a few other things going on right now. That show brings back memories, & it makes me laugh & forget about the worries for a little while. A little chocolate helps, too!

And Blog Awards are good medicine, too! :) Barbara gave me my first one ever, so that lifted my spirits quite a bit. I really appreciate it. She says that this award originated from Barb on her blog at Skittles' Place. Here it is... my very first blog award....

Searching for Rainbows After the Storm

(Update: I did a little research tonight to find out that lightning appearing in the rainbow was rare indeed! Check out this article and pictures of it during an Arkansas storm last year! You'll be amazed!)




Are you the type of person who runs outside after a storm to check for rainbows because you see the sun shining? I think that this is a very positive and hopeful action. Maybe I'm not such a "seeing the glass half empty" type person after all. :) Last week, I searched for this rainbow after a thunder storm. I spotted it and then saw something that I have never seen before.... a bolt of lightning within the rainbow! It was a bright orange zig-zagging lightning bolt. I didn't catch THAT moment on camera, but I tried to get the rainbow after that happened. The picture doesn't do it justice.


PS... Hey you! I've been updating my Southern Blog, too.

Job Woes

I really can't say much about this here, but I am so upset about some things at my job that I can barely even talk to my supervisor. His communication skills stink, so my evaluation had a few negative surprises. I feel as if I went to change a baby's diaper that smelled OK, but to my surprise there's a nasty poo everywhere and I have run out of baby wipes. The pissy thing about this is that our evaluations aren't supposed to be nasty surprises. We're supposed to meet with our supervisor several times during the year for "coaching" sessions to help us "improve". But this isn't the only sour point in my work life right now. There's so much more that I can't talk about because it has me very upset. I feel physically sick about this. I feel stuck, too, because I want to keep my job because of my wonderful schedule that allows me to be with my kids so that they don't have to be in childcare. You know... I really feel that I need to take steps to prepare myself for another type of work. Also, I might want the change once the kids are in school in a couple of years. I just told Mark that I don't want to be "up shit creek without a paddle". I surely need to find some more confidence our there somewhere. :) Please, just say a little prayer for me, & thanks for letting me vent.

The Buzz Cut Challenge

Mommy gave me a buzz cut today. Now I look a lot like one of these guys. Who do you think most closely resembles me? Harrison Ford in Blade Runner, Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard or Daniel Craig in Casino Royale?

A. B. C.

New Post on My Southern Blog!

I was motivated to start writing again on my other blog "Still South of the Mason Dixon Line"! If you have a moment, please stop by to read about my favorite Southern celebrity from Mississippi. Guess who! Here's another hint...a picture of his first guitar...

Messy Me

Are you the type of person that doesn't notice clutter until one more thing added to the pile causes an avalanche? Or perhaps you trip over it and hurt yourself before you realize that your floor is covered in junk? Unfortunately, this is me. With the war on depression going on in my head, I just feel lucky to get through a day taking care of the kids. That's my priority, and they have been extremely energetic and busy. Sometimes I feel very emotionally drained after a typical crazy day.

What is a typical crazy day, you ask? Well, one where MG bites MB's finger on purpose when he offers her a breakfast cheerio. Then we go grocery shopping & she lies down in the floor pitching a tantrum, and MB climbs out of the cart and refuses to stay in it on the way to the car. Try pushing a cart and carrying a big wiggly 1 year old under your arm while pulling a 3 year old along. By the time I get home I need a nap, but I try to get the kids to nap. One usually sleeps while the other doesn't. I do try to rest for at least 30 minutes at this time. Don't worry, if I accidentally fall asleep, there's always someone smacking me in the head with a ball or other such toy to wake me up. Next, I have to get dinner ready. Sometimes I have time to feed the kids before my hubby gets home from work. Sometimes there's 5 minutes left where I'm frantically trying to wash the dishes or pick up the massive explosion of toys at the last minute. There's always lots left undone when he takes over taking care of the kids while I go to work. :(

I guess I'm making excuses for being an unorganized & messy procrastinator. Sadly, the "lots left undone" part wouldn't bother me that much because clutter doesn't really get to me. It bothers my hubby, though. He is the clean, organized person. I'm a cluttery, let the kids have a free-for-all kind of person. It's OK to be a little messy, I guess, but not to the point of it being dangerous. Seriously, I'm always tripping over toys and hurting myself before I know it's needing to be picked up. Then I don't notice the stack of books and papers on my bureau until it all comes tumbling down when a fat cat lands on top of it in the middle of the night.

OK, after all that's said, I feel like a lazy person. But you know what? I was just like this when I was a kid! I wouldn't clean my room until a friend was coming over, & I would frantically stuff all the junk under my bed! I never got rid of things even if they were broken, so I guess that I'm a pack rat. I'm depressed thinking about this. I should be out there cleaning now instead of doing this. Sometimes I'm afraid that anything that I do would not be enough. There are days when I get to some of those cleaning chores, but the undone things are still too many undone things. I'm very sad about this. Maybe if I didn't feel so tired all the time and had more energy, maybe I would be more motivated to clean. I don't know.

No More Poopy Diapers, Please!

Changing diapers hasn't ever grossed me out too much. After almost 3 and 1/2 years of it, you'd think I'd be immune to the gross diaper. Today I barfed on MG's floor by accident, because changing her diaper really made me sick. It happened out of the blue in the middle of changing her BM diaper. (Yeah, she's still resisting that part of potty-training) So I grossed her out, too. She was very upset with me and kept asking why I did that. I explained that changing her diaper made me sick because it (the poop) definitely was one that belonged in the potty. Then I explained how exciting and wonderful it is to flush it away down the toilet as it goes bye bye into a place where we don't see it or smell it. Lovely, huh? Maybe this will make a little dent in the potty training palooza. I don't know... we'll see.

Apple Picking Time

Yesterday I took the kids on a wagon ride, and we picked apples. I just had to take pictures!

Trying to Be Good!

I've been trying to make healthy changes in our eating habits. The first thing I did was look through several cooking books and magazines and pick out healthy, delicious, easy-looking recipes. Then I made a list and bought all the ingredients for three different meals. This is new to me since I'm famous for feeding my family chicken nuggets and frozen pizzas. I love to cook, but it's been difficult organizing things and convincing myself that I can make time to do it.

Now I really understand why people enjoy using the Super Suppers type of business where you can go to prepare and put together meals for the whole week in their kitchen. It's not easy to make home cooked meals every day of the week like our mothers and grandmothers used to do. I feel that it really is hard to have time for it since I work part-time and take care of the kids. I have to try and get dinner ready before my work shift starts at 5pm on the dot.

My first meal yesterday was a slow cooker deal. It was very easy! Today I tried something harder that ended up being too tedious and difficult with two wild toddlers wrecking the house while I played chef. I'm definitely going to pick the easiest recipes that I can find from now on! Here's our menu for the week. Hopefully I'll improve and may even get proud enough to post pictures of my special home cooked meals on my blog! Tomorrow I'm cheating and making the soup from a really good mix.

This week's menu-

Tue. Herbed chicken and vegetables over rice

Wed. Creamed chicken with muffins

Thu. Cream of broccoli soup with steamed garlic carrots

Fri. Chicken and Couscous Supper

Sat. Miniature veggie pizzas

Sun. You're cooking on Sunday, Metal Mark! :)

I'm ashamed to tell you this, but I really was stressed out trying to cook my homemade meal today. The kids were literally pulling out bureau drawers and dumping the contents all over the floor just for fun. I cussed like a sailor and then later when things calmed down, I told MG that I was very sorry for saying those things. She said and I quote "Try to be good, Mommy. Say shucks." Then she said "I love you." Maybe things will get easier and less stressful as I get used to doing this. It really helps to plan out the weekday meals in advance over the weekend. I really want my family to be eating healthier instead of the nasty processed foods or fast food!

You Bloghead!

Now I'm beginning to wonder if I should have gave in to Mark and named her Lucy instead of ...Metal Girl!

Sometimes when MG gets angry, she has started calling us names! Fortunately, it hasn't been anything really bad, but I have to suppress the urge to chuckle. She has resorted to borrowing expressions from her cartoons. Yesterday she got mad about something and said "You Blockhead, Mommy!" I've also been called a "Man Cub" which is an expression from The Jungle Book. I try not to laugh about it, because I don't want her calling MB or anyone else names even if they are hilarious. And she really is upset when she uses the words. I'll have to teach her to say "Bloghead" or "Metalhead" when she's mad at Mark. Hey, maybe I'll start calling him that when I get mad!

On a more blah note...it's been really up and down with my depressed moods. I'm OK until something upsetting happens. Like yesterday, I did something ignorant that set my whole day off wrong. Instead of saving my evaluation onto my flash drive, I saved it onto an old floppy disk. When I put the disk back into the computer, it blew up! Not literally, but the disk died. I had to do my whole evaluation over again! I was extremely sad because I hate doing the self evaluation anyway. Not fun, but I learned my lesson the hard way. Please, learn your lesson from me. Don't be a blockhead. ;)

Being Shy is Not a Sin

Questions for you...

• Are you shy, or do you have a child who is shy?
• What have been some of your experiences with being shy? or What have been some of your difficulties communicating with a shy friend?
• Pick a cartoon character that most closely portrays your personality. (I picked Bashful from Snow White)

Are you shy, or do you have a child who is shy? The reason I ask this is that I have begun to realize that often shyness is portrayed in a negative light, and sometimes shy children are picked on by peers and even by teachers to the point of cruelty in school. Sometimes they're just overlooked or ignored. I have often encountered people who tell me that shyness is a mental problem or a phobia. When I did a Google search, most of the sites that came up were very negative and once again viewed shyness as a bad thing.

I was a very shy child. That in itself wasn't a huge issue, but it got worse when my dad died and I became extremely withdrawn with a low self esteem. I was definitely picked on cruelly in school. It's something that I don't want my children to go through. If you're not encouraged by teachers to talk and are just put down for being who you are, you begin to believe that you have nothing important to say. Those things can further hurt your self esteem.

I'm all for embracing diversity, but I think that diversity should include accepting people for who they are. That includes shy people. Being shy is not bad, it is not a disease and it is not a phobia. If it leads to a person being depressed or to have a low self esteem, I think that it's not caused by the shyness itself. It is caused by other factors including how that person is treated by others.

The thing that got me on this topic is witnessing a quiet adult that I know being passed over for many opportunities just because of the quietness. This person isn't even really terribly shy, just quieter than some people. This person is smart and thinks things through before he opens his mouth. It angers me that even being a little shy or quiet is causing him to be judged in a negative light by one or two important people. It's far worse than I can describe it, but I can't put all the details here. It makes me mad because the outward and public speaking activities of this person far outweigh the times of quietness.

This has happened to me also all of my life. Some people treat me as if I have nothing in my brain since I don't say much. I'll never forget the kid at my church who told me that he knew why I didn't have a boyfriend. It was because I had no personality! It really hurt my feelings. I guess he thought that I didn't have those either.

Well, I did find one site that is helpful concerning shyness. I didn't agree with everything, but it discusses shy celebrities. It also talks about ways to overcome some aspects of shyness so that it doesn't hold you back in your job or in other things that you want to accomplish. I feel better talking about this. I just wish that people would realize that it takes all kinds of people and personalities to make the world an interesting place.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Here is that site that I mentioned.

http://www.shakeyourshyness.com/

Cheesy Loves Me

Each evening, I normally sing a few lullabies and songs to get MB to go to sleep. I usually let him sit on the sofa with me with his blankets while I do this. I started singing "Jesus Loves Me" and he excitedly rolled off the couch and hit the floor running. He ran all the way into the kitchen and yelled "Cheesy! Cheesy! Cheesy!" while pointing up to the cabinet where we keep the Cheetos. It's funny that he thought that I was singing about cheesies.

Speaking of eating cheesies late at night...I'm learning to take baby steps as I try to lose weight. Today I asked myself what I really want and what my minimum goal is. My minimum goal is to tighten up the floppy belly a little and lose ten pounds by October 1. I think that the kind of person I am, I have to concentrate on a small goal like that. I basically want to look and feel better before our trip to visit my family down South in October. I really got a good start on exercising today. I got up early and went walking. It really made me feel good.

The only thing that went wrong today is that I forgot to eat dinner. Sometimes it is hard to remember that when I'm trying to get the kids to eat & especially if they are being stinkers. Since I'm exercising more & working on the depression issue, it is a huge downer if I don't eat right. I really felt terrible & evil by the time Mark got home tonight. Thank goodness he knows what to do. He got the kids ready for bed and kind of took over with them. And now I get to post for the first time in days. I feel more sane after getting to do that. :)

We had a good time on our trip to see the trains in Strasburg, PA. It was a little harder keeping up with two very energetic toddlers, but they both were able to enjoy it more.

It's such a beautiful relaxing place. We stayed at our favorite Motel... "The Red Caboose". The neat thing about it is that the train track and trains go right by and you can watch from the front porch! Your room is a real caboose that's been refurbished. If you visit Mark's blog, there's an additinal picture. :)

We're Back

Hello. We're back from our little trip to the Strasburg Railroad. It was fun despite the bit of extra trouble I had with being depressed. Blah to that! I'll probably feel better tomorrow & will post some fun pictures of the trip. I've been reading the new Harry Potter book & like it so far. I had to take a quick peek at the end, though, because I didn't really want to read it if Harry Potter met his demise. Silly, I know, but it would have made me sad!

July 4th at the Zoo

I meant to post this a couple of weeks ago. Here are a couple of pictures from our July 4th outing. We visited our favorite zoo. I really love going to this particular zoo. It's so shady and wooded and just a beautiful, relaxing place. You get to be closer to the animals there than at some of the bigger zoos. MG's favorite animals are the lizards! What's your favorite zoo animal? And when was the last time you visited the zoo?

Being Creative

Hello! I thought that I'd add a few fun things to my blog. It cheered me up to do something fun. Also, look at these funny pictures of Tansy! I will have to keep them around for a few laughs! Have a great weekend!

Fatness is in the Eye of the Beholder

I became friends with Yoko from Japan and Betty from Kenya during my first year in college. Yoko told me that her family really teased her when she went back home for a visit. They thought that she'd gotten fat during her first year in the US. She wasn't overweight! She looked so tiny to me! With Betty's family, it was an opposite reaction. They were horrified that she had LOST weight and thought that she looked too thin! So, who is fat?
I know the answer. It's me. I am fat! Sometimes I see other mothers with kids and they are so thin! How did they get so tiny after having two and sometimes three kids? How did it happen? Were they ever chubby? Why am I having such trouble losing weight? Maybe they had to struggle and diet just like me. Maybe it's easier for some people to lose weight than others just depending on their body type.

Well, I had been trying to cut back on my eating and trying to exercise more,but it wasn't good enough. I have been stuck at the same weight for several weeks. Today I decided that I have to start doing something more drastic. I started using slimfast. I thought...hey, this isn't so bad. I had a slimfast shake and a spoon of peanut butter for breakfast. Later I had a celery stalk for a snack. For lunch, I had the shake and a baked potato. I started cooking dinner and felt so extra hungry and mean & kept making mistakes & fumbling things. Now I feel ok since I ate a normal dinner... lots of squash from the garden and two small slices of pizza! Hope that this gets easier!

Many hours later......update 4:11 AM
WIDE AWAKE! I'm mean and hungry, too. I drank a cup of coffee around 9PM...big mistake. Now all I can do is contemplate life and think too much, because I am not going to give in to the temptation to eat. I just now drank a glass of water, and that feels better. This isn't going to be easy is it?

The Totally Terrible Toddler Workout

I should lose weight if I repeat this workout every day, but I would probably lose my mind as well. Here's what you do....

Take two toddlers outside on a hot day and let them loose.

Chase two toddlers down the steep hill to the garden and make sure that you catch them before they take off down the road.

Lug two toddlers over your shoulders back up the steep hill.

Put two toddlers into the sandbox to play.

Now, the two toddlers will immediately hop out of the sandbox and go running down the hill again. You may repeat the whole workout four times or more or until you get smart and put the kids into the house instead of the sandbox.

*Be sure and drink plenty of water and take deep breaths so that you don't hyperventilate or pass out. Also, don't yell too loudly while all this is going on or you will get a sore throat.

Whew....I really need to get in shape so that I can keep up with these two!

It really bugs me that blogger is doing this malfunction that doesn't allow me to put in a title! Argh! I wanted to write about bad customer service because I got mad at a hair stylist who was extremely rude to me today. It really doesn't happen very often, so I always get caught off guard when it does. Since I always try to be nice to everyone, it really makes me upset when I get someone being a turd. I never tell a rude person off because I'm never ever expecting to be mistreated. So you guys get to hear about it. I think that if someone was being mean to my family, then my claws would come out, and I wouldn't just stand there and take it. Oh, well. My job involves customer service, and I know that I'm always nice to my customers no matter what mood I'm in personally. Do you guys have any bad customer service stories? I hope that Mark will write about his crazy experience with a cashier at Target. :)

Learning to Blog

For my job, I'm learning how to blog. Isn't that cool? We get to find ways that blogging is useful to our work & learn how to do all kinds of fun things. I'm going to work on adding some new things to this blog. I feel that I'm learning so much. Now I feel goofy because I have four blogs. This one, the Southern one, a secret poetry one and a work blog. I'll be adding some fun things soon! :)

Buggy Flowers

These are images from our Summer flower garden....

An Element of Melancholy

I haven't felt much like writing about this. I've been decreasing the meds that I've been taking to treat postpartum depression. It's been a little difficult, but now I am feeling ok. In fact, I'm very glad that I'm doing this for several reasons. I have actually felt much more patient with the kids and have had less mood swings throughout the day. I feel happy during the day. At night is a little harder. I'm tired and tend to think about bad things when I'm sleepy. I have to say, though, that it's ok to be a little melancholy. Maybe that's just part of my personality. I'm much more creative when I have that element of melancholy. I used to write poetry before the kids were born. I hadn't written a poem in three years until this week! And I wrote three in one night. I'm not brave enough to share them here, though. Maybe I will sometime! :)

Happy Father's Day!

I especially want to wish Mark a Happy Father's Day! Here he is reading with his two babies.

Flat Tire Day

Yea, that's what happened to me today. Just after grocery shopping, I brought the kids out to the car and noticed that it had a very flat tire. The first thing I thought was "Wow, I'm so glad that it didn't blow out while I was driving". Since we have decided that we don't need the extra expense of cell phones (ha-ha), I had to go back to find a pay phone to call Mark at work. I was in PA, North of the Mason Dixon Line :), so I had to feed the pay phone lots of money to make a long distance call. Since the tire had a slow leak, Mark was able to pump the tire with a bike pump and that got us home. But the fun part was waiting in the parking lot with two fussy, tired, hungry kids. We broke out the snacks and drinks that we'd just bought, plus threw a ball back and fourth. Even though I wasn't the one who had to pump up the tire, I felt totally wiped out when I got home.

The flat tire almost made me forget about the elderly man wearing a platinum blond bobbed wig that I saw walking down the street in town earlier. I couldn't help but notice the wig with a pink bow, because it was such a startling contrast to his full dark gray beard and hair. Plus, he was wearing a dark flannel plaid shirt. Then I saw him again when I came back through and the pink bow had disappeared.

Ancient Chocolate?

The cutting back on food has made me start craving bad things. Tonight when I was going through an old purse, I found an imported chocolate that had been sitting there for a while. Normally I would have thrown it away, but I felt desperate for chocolate...so I ate it. Other than that, I've been sticking to my diet plan. I didn't do my workout today, but I will tomorrow.

I've been worried about MG. She seems to still have a touch of the stomach virus, so maybe that's part of the reason for her behavior. For the past two weeks, she has been very grumpy and behaving out of character. I'm very concerned. I'm so afraid that my problems with depression affect her. I'm really trying to work through it and improve. It could be a combination of being sick, summer break away from preschool and changes in her development. It breaks my heart that she has seemed sad lately.

I think that I would like to go to church and that would help us. I can think of all kinds of excuses not to go, and it is hard on a Sunday when that's the only day that Mark and I spend together with the kids. I grew up going to church, and learning about God and his love got me through the toughest times in my life. It also gave me friends and activities. It would especially help MG to be in a Sunday school class with other kids her age. She misses that without preschool. I need it for myself too. It's 1:00 AM! I'd better go say a little prayer and get some sleep. Thanks for listening. Writing here helps me think about what I need to do. :)

It's Not That Simple!

Has this ever happened to you? I worked extra hard all week cutting back on calories and eating healthier. I also exercised every day. This is a huge change for me, so I expected to have lost some weight by now. I had my yearly exam at the doctor's office yesterday, and to my horror my weight was 10 lbs heavier than what I thought it would be! How discouraging is that? I suppose that my scales at home are off and that I should find some that are more accurate. Well, at least I feel better from having made the changes. The weight just doesn't come off as easily as it did when I was younger. This is going to be more of a challenge than I thought! And I want to lose 50 lbs! I don't want to do any drastic starvation diets, but what is it going to take? Mark says that I need to give it a couple more weeks.

Toe Sabotage

This morning MB turned a heavy bench over and it landed on the middle toe of my right foot! It's fractured and has turned a lovely shade of purple. I was sad thinking that my new life style was sabotaged already. I rested it all day staying off my feet as much as possible. Then I wrapped the toe in a little first aid gauze and taped it to my other toe to keep it from moving. Then I put on some really good walking shoes, and I felt fine going on a walk and later doing my exercise video. Nothing put too much pressure on my toe, so I'm relieved that it doesn't throw a monkey wrench into my efforts to lose weight. I think that I may have to start wearing steel toed boots around the house, though! Actually, I think I'll try to wear shoes as much as possible after this. Unfortunately, there's nothing to be done for a broken toe. It just has to get better on it's own. No little toe casts or anything like that. :)

Day 3 Gonna Lose Weight

While sick, I cut down on eating because I had to. I also felt really crummy and couldn't get out to do anything, so that has inspired me to really start exercising every day and to stop overeating. Plus, I'm down to two cups of coffee a day rather than four or five. I already feel much better.



I am also going to ban the scales except for weighing myself once a week. Weighing myself every day is discouraging when I don't seem to lose weight. I know that I'm doing things right, so I don't need any discouragement when I'm just getting started. Isn't this cartoon cute? I think she has the right idea.

Barbara just posted about the importance of drinking water when trying to lose weight. http://barbara007.typepad.com/ I'm glad that she wrote about this issue! It's an important issue that I hadn't really thought about till now. I'm sipping my water now! It's something that I'm going to add into my diet and exercise plan.

I think that I'll try to post to let you know what I'm doing and how it's going. That way I'll have to be more accountable. :) On Day 1 and Day 2, I really cut back on my eating and ate mostly healthy foods. I had one cup of coffee on day one and two cups on day two. I'm going for just one cup today. I also did an exercise video workout for both days. I plan to do that later today as well. It's a Richard Simmons video, and it's fun. I really feel like it's going well, and I'm trying not to overdo it right now. Then maybe I'll get to step up to walking or doing additional exercises. We'll see! I really want to keep feeling better, and I think this will help me feel better physically and mentally. Plus, I want to lose weight!

Taking a Break

****Hello, I'm taking a break until this stomach virus leaves our household. Both kids are feeling a little under the weather now. Oh boy. I'm better, though, besides being tired.

102.6

That was my temperature last night. I've had some crummy bug. I laid on the couch yesterday while the kids tore the room apart. It's hard to be a good mommy when your sick. Today the fever is gone but I can't wander too far away from the bathroom. Fun, this is.