Wishy Washy Wonderland

Autumn Fun!

2010-11-06T05:21:00.001-07:00

It's been such a long time since I posted here. I've been getting reacquainted with old friends through Facebook, but I would like to start blogging again. We recently enjoyed celebrating Fall and Halloween. I had so much fun creating my kids' costumes, carving pumpkins & cooking yummy treats. These are a few photos of the fun times.

Ups and Downs

2009-03-07T21:32:00.000-08:00

I've been busy with fb and other things, so I haven't written here for a while. (sorry) I've felt just a little unmotivated and droopy lately, but I think that the Winter weather has had a lot to do with that. Today was beautiful and our first Spring-like day in ages, but I had to work today which kind of stunk and put me in a sour mood. I'm thankful to have a job, but I had a little Spring fever today and needed to get out and soak in some sunshine. Well, I have to be happy that Spring is almost here and that's my favorite of all seasons. My daughter's 5th birthday is coming up this week and I also register her for kindergarten. :-) I also took off from work on her birthday. Woo-hoo!

Please remind me that no matter how good it smells and how good it tastes, I really should never ever drink coffee in the evening. I love it, but look at me. I'm up at 12:42 AM, and I'm still not even a little bit sleepy! Ah, me.

I SHOP ALONE!

2009-01-31T18:42:00.000-08:00

That's my new motto. The few times that I have taken the kids into a store lately, they have behaved so badly that I resolve to avoid taking them shopping with me again. I work several evenings during the week, so I've started doing grocery shopping after work when I'm alone. Whew, it's SO MUCH easier to do it that way. I love my kids, but I DO NOT like shopping with them.

I think that when the kids were younger and cried in the store, people would smile and say "Aw...poor little baby". The attitude changes drastically when you have a screaming 4 year old or 3 year old. I get lots of evil looks, and it's just not worth it. I've had my 4 year old throw herself down on the floor in a temper tantrum and people come running to stare. It's so weird. I don't know why my kids are so bad in the store. I'm usually pretty patient with the kids, but the store situation is too out of control for me... so they won't get that privilege with me any more. I SHOP ALONE!

Sometimes They Get Along!

2009-01-01T17:33:00.000-08:00

I was so happy two days ago when I observed my kids playing a computer game together. MG was patiently teaching MB how to play the "Land Before Time" dinosaur game. They did this for about an hour. They've been bickering quite a bit lately, so it this was a nice break from that.

I think that it's been difficult because the cold weather is keeping us inside more. Sometimes I wonder if we should move somewhere warmer. I really don't like the cold. I do have more problems with depression in the Winter months. Maybe when the kids are a little older, we can learn how to snow shoe or something. I don't think that I want to learn to ski at this point, but snow shoeing sounds fun and like something we could do.

Another thing that's made it harder to find things to do is the money situation. We have to choose free things to do. The library programs are about the only free event that we can do around here. Maybe there's something else that I'm not thinking of.

We've got a few personal issues going on too. Crap at work. Also a close family member is having increased health problems... cancer. :0( It's a good thing that I started this post with the positive. We really did have a good Christmas, and I am grateful for my beautiful children.

Holiday Greetings!

2008-12-18T17:23:00.000-08:00

This is the picture that I've put in all my Christmas cards this year. My two sweethearts..

Joyful Kitty

2008-12-08T16:56:00.000-08:00

This is our cat Jasper. He brings us lots of joy. His favorite person is MG. Can you tell?If she's upset or crying, he comes running to her to snuggle and make her feel better. Yesterday, he decided to climb the fake Christmas tree. :-)

An Elf and a Reindeer

2008-12-06T06:25:00.000-08:00

Here are my two kids getting into the Christmas spirit. :-)

Happier Christmases

2008-12-02T21:48:00.000-08:00

A few years ago when I was visiting my family down South, I found this awful picture of my mom at Christmastime just three months after my dad died in an accident. It made me cry to see the picture because I could see the raw pain on my mom's face. She looked so lost. I never want to see that picture again.

Christmases have been a difficult time for my mom. Those were the most difficult and depressing times for her. She would go to some dark place. This affected me and I have always felt sad at Christmastime too. The magic died with my dad... that is until I had my own children to celebrate Christmas with.

Now I feel some of that magic that I felt as a young child. It's fun to see the kids so excited about Christmas. I have one of those prelit trees except one of the cats bit through a wire, so the lights no longer work. I had three strands of red lights, so I put those on and they look even prettier than the originals.

At MG's preschool, she's been learning about the birth of Jesus. They made these little clothespin dolls that they put in little mangers. MB wanted his own baby Jesus, too, so I helped him make one. MG has been going to a Christian preschool this year, so she has been learning alot of bible stories. She is so happy there.

Even though I do have happier Christmases now, there's still a struggle to fall into the old feelings. I tend to feel sad for no reason in the winter. I really truly need to actively do things to combat this. And that doesn't mean eat more! That's how I tend to deal with depression in the Winter, but I know what I really need to do. Exercise, write and do crafts. Those things make me feel better, so that's what I need to do.

This is It

2008-11-26T21:19:00.000-08:00

I'm really going to seriously start my exercise program tomorrow morning... before I eat gobs of turkey and dressing. Some things happened recently to make me stop and realize that I have to do something to feel better about myself. I know exactly what needs to be done, too. I need to lose weight and get dental work done. I've been putting off the dental work especially because of the cost, but I've been researching some other options that are much cheaper and would work for helping me right now. Anyway, I just realize how important it is for me to feel good and have the self confidence to be the best that I can be. We just have this one life and I need to take better care of myself.

It's been a terrible day here. I can't talk about it here, but it has to do with someone I care about not getting a promotion. :-( I know these things happen, but it really hurts me and feels like it happened to me. I've been crying all day about it on and off. I'm not only hurt about the situation, but I'm aching because of how badly he is taking it. I really feel rotten. But it makes me realize that I have to do something to make our lives better and maybe starting with how I feel about myself is the best place to start. Then I'll be better able to help my family.

Twilight Zone

2008-10-23T16:52:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have one of those days that you feel like you're losing your cool? I'm usually able to be patient and calm with my kids these days, but today it was so hard. I'm going to tell you what happened today in detail so that I can try to sort out why it was a hard day and why I feel so bad about it.

1. I woke up to a messy house and realized that I'd need to clean it up today. Then I had the idea to rearrange some of the furniture to help resolve the messy house syndrome. Well, I ended up going through all of MB's clothes and weeding out his size 3's since he can't fit into them anymore. Then I moved a big dresser into his bedroom and put all of his clothes into that.

2. Meanwhile, the kids are off in other parts of the house making messes that they normally don't make. They poured all of the clean laundry (some of it already folded) out of the laundry baskets onto the floor, blew there noses on tissues and threw the tissues on the floor, poured milk all over the table and onto the floor on purpose, threw lots of toys on the floor, dumped their dad's baseball card collection all over the floor, dumped other things on the floor...the floor had a rough day.

3. By the time I finished my rearranging of the furniture, there was all the above messes on the floor to clean up. And it was time to cook dinner. And it was time to wash dishes. I felt totally overwhelmed and stressed out and sad. I got so upset with the kids because after making the messes they took off outside and got in the car. And they weren't dressed! I had to chase them around the yard because they were in their undies and have terrible colds and it's cold outside!

The thing is, they seemed to not understand that these were not good things to do. I was so upset. Then it was time to go to work and in my anger I said that I was going to work and not coming back! Poor MG believed me and cried. Then MM came home and mentioned how messy the house was! What a day. I just can't figure it out. Was it just one of those bizarre days that comes only once in a great while that just can't be explained and I should just forget that it ever happened????? I hope so.

Living in a Place Where I Didn't Grow Up

2008-10-16T20:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel lonely. I miss the people that I grew up with. I miss my mom and brothers and friends. I need to keep in touch with my family more, but it is difficult to make time. I wonder if I should make a blog for my family. I don't know...maybe it would be a neat thing to do & I could say hello to everybody everyday if I wanted to do it that way. :-)

That's Called Being a Mom

2008-10-15T21:13:00.000-07:00

How can I become more energetic? I feel so tired and sometimes get mopey and lazy. I really don't like this about myself. Would exercise help? I've talked to my friends and even my doctor about feeling tired all the time and they all basically say "That's part of being a Mom". Really? Should I really be THIS tired ALL the time? And should I be up at this hour at 12:30 AM? There's part of my problem. I really should do the following and see if this will help. Go to bed by 10:30PM. Do some form of exercise each morning even if it's only 15 minutes. Those are the main things that I can think of. Seems simple enough. I've also just got over a really horrible cold that made me cough alot, so I didn't feel like exercising at all during that.

Positive Thinking=Motivation... ABSOLUTELY!

2008-10-14T22:10:00.000-07:00

I really want to be worry free. Worrying always leads to depression in my case. Maybe worrying makes some people take action, but not with me. It makes me depressed and binds me. I just want to cut loose from worrying and let it go.... through prayer, exercise, whatever. When I'm not worried about our money situation, my hubby gets mad at me. He thinks that I'm ignoring the situation. I don't know what to do about this. I don't want to worry since worrying ALWAYS leads to me being depressed. I will not worry about this. I WILL NOT!!!!! Positive thinking is really what motivates me. I HAVE to be positive to be motivated to do something!

May Try to Get a Second Job

2008-10-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

It's just a little beyond a thought right now. With our money issues, I am looking around for maybe a weekend evening job. There may be something temporary that would be a good fit, so that's what I've started looking for. I'm a little worried because there may be some sort of cuts at our jobs since they are tax funded, so I'm trying to think of options.

Have I talked about my kids' money saving? We reward them with spare change when they do something good or improve at something. They saved up for their swing set that we got in the Spring. Now we're saving up for our next vacation. They are set on going to the beach and it's so cute to see them so excited about it and already saving up for it.

My Warped View of Money

2008-10-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

Today was a little depressing since my hubby, and I have been discussing money. It's my least favorite thing to talk about. There was never much of it when I was growing up, so I learned to not even think about money. Anyway, this really is an area of argument between us, because he talks about it and I get quiet. I just hate worrying about money, so I avoid thinking about it altogether. There's something worse than being poor. I know. It's hard for me to explain what I mean or how I feel about it. I hate money. It's just paper and metal that we have to use to buy things. Money sucks.

I know that my view is a little irrational since we need money to take care of our kids and to have enough food to eat and to pay our bills. I don't know how my mom took care of me and my brothers on so little and without my dad's income. We were lucky to have family around us who helped us. My grandparents didn't have much, but they always provided us with garden vegetables including canned veggies in the winter. The love and care of extended family is what helped me to survive. I'll never forget that.

The Love of a Child

2008-10-09T16:50:00.000-07:00

"I love you." MB said those three words to me for the first time today. It melted my heart. :-) I was feeling tired, hungry and a little stressed today... so that made it all better. Isn't he sweet?

MG kept me on track with my diet today. She is such a smart little cookie. I was eating these buttery crackers and she said "Mommy, I think that's enough crackers. I'll get you a celery." She then went to the fridge, got a celery stalk and then washed it for me. MG to the rescue! She also said "Mommy, you have bloomed down a little." She's my little cheerleader.

The Secret M&M Diet

2008-10-08T21:04:00.000-07:00

I have lost about 3 pounds so far, and this is my sixth day on the South Beach Diet. I haven't been completely strict with it. For example, I stashed a small pack of M&Ms in the cubbard. When I got a chocolate craving and couldn't take it anymore, I'd sneak a few M&Ms. I've never made a small pack of M&Ms last so long. :-) It really is a change in the way of eating for me. I've been eating much healthier and feel less hungry than other diets that I've tried. This one seems to be good because I'm changing my eating habits rather than starving myself. 3 pounds down.. it's a start!

Jesus Sneezes

2008-09-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

One day earlier this week my daughter said "Jesus sometimes sneezes and coughs". I said "Whaaaaat?" Then she sang the song that she had learned in preschool that day entitled "May Jesus Bless You". :-)

I'm REALLY really REALLY having a weight problem. Even though I felt that I had exercised more, my last doctor's appointment I was 5 lbs heavier than the time before. That really stinks. I have been more stressed out lately, so maybe I've been eating more or something. Too many sweets. My doctor recommended the South Beach Diet, so I'm going to check out the book from the library and see if it's something that might help me. Sigh. Gotta bloom down!

I'm now going to post on my Southern girl blog. I haven't posted their in a long time, but something came up at work about the way I pronounced a word. I've stayed away from that blog a while, but might like to start posting there again.

Blooming Down

2008-09-15T21:41:00.000-07:00

"Mommy, you need to bloom down." That's my daughter's invented phrase for "losing weight". I think that's a sweet way to put it. :-) I guess she thinks I'm all bloomed out like a HUGE flower. I'm slowly working on getting more exercise. I don't see many results yet, but I know it's the right start. I'm feeling tired from the extra exercise. I hope that I'll get used to it and eventually feel more energized!

MG lost her first baby tooth today!!! She's only 4 and 1/2, so I wasn't expecting it so young. We noticed last week that it was loose, and it scared us at first. Then I saw the adult tooth already coming in. She was so excited tonight because the tooth fairy will visit! MG also played her first soccer game on Saturday. It was so much fun and so funny too. MG managed to kick the ball several times which was wonderful even though she was kicking it to the opposing team's goal! They were cute and had fun.

It's harder to have time to write these days. It's 1:19 AM right now, so I'd better go to sleep. I hear MB stirring. He has a cold and has been tossing and turning all night.

I Can Laugh About This Now....

2008-08-23T19:48:00.000-07:00

I can laugh about this now, but it was scary when it happened and left me a little stressed out and tired. My work has moved to a newly renovated building that is three times bigger than the previous building. Well, they had just newly programmed the new alarm system and I was to be the first person to close the building one evening last week. This is what happened...

I closed the office and then went around the building to make sure that the crucial doors were closed. Then I went to the first floor lobby by way of the stairs and proceeded to set the alarm. It started beeping loudly and gave a message that a door was open somewhere in the building. So, I go running up and down the stairs and all through the place closing every single door in the whole place...felt like 50 doors. Then I close the door at the top of the stairwell, hurry down the stairs for the fifth time only to find the door at the bottom of the stairwell leading to the lobby locked and I can't open it! Then I run back up to the top of the stairs to find the door at the top locked and I can't open it either!!! That's when I panicked and realized that I'd left my purse and cell phone outside of the stairway beyond the locked door in the first floor lobby. For a good five minutes or maybe longer I thought that I was trapped with no way to alert anybody. It was scary. Then I gathered my senses enough to really look around and saw an emergency exit behind the stairs.

Whew! Then I was able to leave the building and fortunately had my car keys in my pocket! It all turned out OK in the end and I got home and was able to retrieve my purse, but it was such a scary thing to feel trapped like that! I even had a blister on my foot from running up and down the stairs and down the hallways so many times.

So, have you ever been stuck in an elevator or in a building? I've always been a little worried about elevators, but never thought that I'd have to be concerned about a stairwell!

Changes

2008-08-19T17:11:00.000-07:00

My job has moved to a new location. It's mostly a good change, but I have a longer commute. This is my second day at the new place. My former office had no windows, so it was a treat to get to see the sunset this evening from our two windows. Instead of being in an industrial park, we are located at the edge of a small town with views of the countryside and farmland. Much better surroundings and more sunlight = a happier mood! :-) The only thing that spoils my mood is that it's evaluation time... my most unfavorite time of the year that I dread. Argh!!!

Tea Party Breakfast

2008-08-01T21:52:00.000-07:00

These are pics of my kids having a tea party breakfast yesterday morning. See the uninvited guest? :-) Mr. Jasper our cat was so interested , so it looks like he's having his tea too!

We've been going out almost every day making for a busy summer. It's challenging finding low cost and free activities, but I have to since things have gotten so expensive! We have managed to have fun going to free events at the library and to parks to play.

My job has been ok although my department is moving to a different location that will be a longer drive for me. We're moving to a beautiful area in a small town, so it will be a nice atmosphere at least. Also, our new office will have a window!

Ah! Being busy with alot of things to accomplish makes me feel a little panicky. I need to sit down and make a list of things that have to be done or I will be so overwhelmed and inefficient.

Vacationing at Home

2008-07-21T20:57:00.000-07:00

We're on vacation this week but have decided to do day trips to conserve money. Today we went to Gettysburg Pennsylvania since it's so close and visited a farm called "The Land of Little Horses". They have a variety of animals there including those sweet miniature horses, and the kids get to feed them and pet them. There were several baby horses too. It's a wonderful place to take little kids. I'll try to post pictures this week. :-) Tomorrow we plan to go picnicking at the park.

Kids Say the Cutest Things

2008-07-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

One of my biggest daily joys is hearing my kids say cute things. It's just so funny and I wonder where they learned certain things that neither me or my hubby say. Here are a few that might make you chuckle...

MG and MB have both taken to saying "Of course!" when answering yes to any question.

The other day I was getting the kids ready to go see a free movie at the library and they were both yelling "ready for action!" as we were heading out the door. Well, MB's version was "Weddy fuh actun!"

Today MB was wearing his new batman PJ's for his nap. I was teasing him and said "Look, batman is taking a nap!" He said, "No, Mommy... this costume".

A few days ago MG informed me that MB's bellybutton was "broken" because it's an inny and not an outy like her's.

When we first got the kids their swing set, MB kept asking me to swing with him. I kept repeating that I was too big to fit in the swing. Finally, I said "I'm sorry, I'm just too fat to fit". He said "Take off your pants!" Then he proceded to take off his shorts and swing in his diaper.

When I was very sick a few weeks ago, I was lying down while the kids had the run of the house. They were taking turns putting DVDs into the player and when MB got the movie started, MG said "Look Bubby, now we're both geniuses".

My kids call each other "Bubby" and "Sissy". We're trying to teach MB to say his own name. He will tell you that his name is Bubby if you ask him.

Blah!

2008-07-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

Life has been such a mixed up jumble of good and bad, crazy and sane, busy and bored. I don't know where to start. I'm usually too tired or too sad or too something to write. Does that make sense? I feel tired and unappreciated sometimes at work and at home. I know that I could do some things better or differently, but I think that nothing I do would be good enough. If I didn't feel so damned tired all the time maybe I could do more.

Happy Father's Day, Anyway!

2008-06-14T18:56:00.000-07:00

This week started out all icky. First Mark was sick with a head cold that seemed almost flulike while the kids had a stomach virus. Then I got BOTH sicknesses at the same time! I have never felt so shitty... or at least I haven't in a long time. My ears were affected, so I was dizzy and could hardly stand up & I was throwing up. It really was awful, and I haven't handled it very well. It's hard to take care of sick kids when you feel like crap yourself. I am thankful that we have a swingset for the kids now. I was able to get them in the backyard to play while I sat down to watch them. Now the kids are getting the head cold part of being sick. I've been sick since Wednesday and am just now feeling quite a bit better physically. Unfortunately, I must have barfed up my depression medication, because I feel unusually sad. I think that's all it is, though, so I may feel back to normal tomorrow after a good night's sleep.

Even though Mark was sick, he fixed dinner tonight and he took off early a day or two from work to help me. I am thankful for him. He is a good husband and father. He puts up with alot from a sick crazy acting wife. I hope that we are feeling better tomorrow so that we can go celebrate father's day.

Visitors

2008-06-05T19:03:00.000-07:00

My Mom, Aunt and two young cousins visited us this week. They got here last Sunday and stayed through today. It was such a good visit. Usually they don't stay this long, so it was nice to have extra time with them. They also had time to see Gettysburg and some other local sites here. It was fun. It really made me feel better and made up for the awful time we had when we visited my family last Fall. I also took the whole week off from work! :-)

My aunt is just three years older than me, so we really grew up playing together like sisters. We got to talk some and I found out that she has similar problems with depression. Like me, she had postpartum depression with both her kids! We also talked about my Grandmother (her mother) who had depression and who was abusive. It really was an eye opening talk. I also think that the depression is very much genetic in my mom's side of the family.

MM is trying to get a wound up little boy to go to sleep. My kids LOVED playing with their cousins, and now they are all played out. I am too!!!

A Little "Me" Time

2008-05-05T20:16:00.000-07:00

I left work early feeling sick today, but instead of going straight home...I took advantage of the time and went and got a haircut. It's been well over a year since I had anything done to my hair! And it's been a long time since I took time to do something for myself, so I thought this would be a good thing for the start of "Mother's Day" week. And I really love my haircut. I had let my hair grow down to the middle of my back and I could do absolutely nothing with it except put it up. Now it's a little below my shoulders and layered. Love it! Now I'll wear it down more often. :-) This little exursion made me feel so much better. Maybe I need a "me" day ever so often.

Irksome Words

2008-05-03T18:56:00.000-07:00

A well meaning family member is after us again. This one of the statements made tonight to try and persuade us to go to church. "What are you going to say when you stand before the lord?" Once again being judged solely on whether we're attending church. Also, poor MM was told that he needed to set an example for the kids.

That last thing really made my blood boil. MM is the best father and example to our kids. He takes care of them and does so much with them when I'm working. He has also chosen to work with kids for his profession. Those are wonderful things. His parents should applaud him for setting such a good example, not poo-poo him for not going to church.

Well, it's possible that Sunday school would be a good thing in our kids' lives, but this is NOT the way to persuade me to go. Actually, the best way to persuade me to go is to not say anything. Maybe invite me to church, but nothing more. If I choose to go, I'll go. If I decide that it's best for my kids, then I will go.

I've had alot of soul searching thinking about how I feel about organized religion. I grew up in the Southern Baptist denomination. The churches I went to taught racism and discrimination. They looked down on other beliefs and even other Christian denominations. It was disgusting. Maybe my experience was unique to growing up in the South. I don't know, but it has really turned me off from wanting to go to church.

Sorry, there were some good things about church, too, but the bad things are really sticking out in my mind right now. Ugh! I'll try to think of all the good things about church at some point. Sigh.

Weighty Issues

2008-04-30T04:46:00.000-07:00

It always does me good to write about the things that are bothering me. First of all, my family is coming to visit in June. Remember, we had such a stressful experience with our visit down South when we went in the Fall? Well, when my my mom first told me that they were coming, I wasn't very joyful. And actually, it's my mom, aunt and my cousins who are coming. I guess I was kind of wanting to not deal with my family for a while. I am glad that they're coming... it's just that I still have sad feelings about our stay with my brother and sister-in-law.

The second worry is church. I want to take my kids to sunday school, but I don't want anyone to say anything about it or nag me about it. That very thing makes me put it off longer. I dislike being judged on this. I teach my kids about God behind the scenes, so it angers me when that gets poo-pooed just because we don't go to church. I do want to go for the right reasons, not from being nagged into it or being looked down upon. Sorry, this is really bothering me.

Enough, enough. I've spouted off and feel better now. :)

The Good Things

2008-04-25T18:49:00.000-07:00

The kids did wonderfully using the potty this week. Hurrah! This is a huge deal for us. I guess we've been using alot of potty talk lately. MB was looking at a bulldozer dump truck book and he pointed at a pile of dirt in the picture and asked,"Dat poop?" He was so serious.

As you know, I was spoiled getting to work from home 90 % of my work time. That suddenly changed and now I have to go into work 100% of my work time. I realized a blessing in this today because it occurred to me to use my breaks for exercise! I also get time to talk to other adults and coworkers. I was very depressed about the situation a few weeks ago, but now I realize that it's good to have some time away from home. It's just 22 hours per week, so it's still a good thing for me right now. I admit that I'm feeling a bit happier getting to be more social and getting out of the house.

The lovely weather has lifted my spirits, too. Spring is my favorite time of the year, and it's been an especially beautiful one here. The flowers are blooming everywhere. I love it!

Money, Money, Money!

2008-04-10T19:34:00.000-07:00

The potty training challenge has gotten easier ever since we began rewarding with money. We decided to reward the kids with money every time they use the potty instead of their diaper. They get a quarter which goes into the "swing set" jar. We're saving up for a swing set. MB loves to put money in the jar, so this has worked wonderfully for him. It cracked me up yesterday when on his way to the potty, he was yelling "money, money, money!"

Violets

2008-03-30T19:09:00.000-07:00

Violets always make me think of my grandmother because she loved them. She had a table sitting in front of her living room window, and it was covered in violets of all colors. Today I was out shopping with MG and she insisted on a potted violet to take care of and keep in her room. She has already watered it and was filling of the dirt to see if it was too dry. It may be my imagination, but I feel like my grandmother is "tickled" that her great granddaughter loves flowers just as much as she did.

Not Writing

2008-03-27T17:45:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have so much going on and so many feelings tumbling around that you find it difficult to write? That's the state that I've been in for months. I have been writing some poetry on my "secret" poetry blog more regularly... sometimes it is easier for me to write my feelings in poetry. :-)

What's been going on? Looking for a preschool for my daughter...this is going well, but I have to visit a couple to make the decision. Taking care of our cat whose injury looks much better. Trying to keep the kids from hurting each other. Twisting knots in my hair in my sleep because of stress. Dealing with the perpetual weirdness at work and trying to get to work without being late. This is difficult as you will see in my next paragraph.

I had just finished cooking dinner and Mark came in at 5:20. I have to get to work by 5:30 and it takes just exactly 10 minutes to get there driving fast. The next thing I know, MG has bumped my grandmother's bowl sitting on a counter top and it shatters on the floor. I have to leave it all to Mark to clean up feeling sad because it was the only thing that I had of my grandmother's. My fault because it should have been in a safer place. I managed to get to work only 5 minutes late despite all this. Now it's time to go home once again. Mark is very good.... he will probably have given the kids their baths. :-)

Peaceful Night

2008-03-09T19:25:00.000-07:00

It was an inconvenience that our power was out for 28 hours, but there was a certain peacefulness to it too. The part that I liked most was when I put MB to bed and sang to him by candlelight. When he drifted off to sleep, I just stayed in the room and listened to Mark telling stories to MG out in the living room. They were "camping out" on the floor in sleeping bags telling stories. With that being said, I am SOooooooooooooooooooo GLaaaaaaaaaaaad that the power is back on!

March Madness

2008-03-08T08:08:00.000-08:00

March has been so busy. I've been trying to pick a new preschool for my daughter since her current school is closing this year. Closeness in location is important, so I may have it narrowed down to two. I've also been working on potty training the kids which makes things a little busier. We're continuing to have problems with the older one!!! I'm not sure what the problem is there. I've been taking care of an injured cat. Plus, I used to telecommute 4 days per week, so I USED to have extra time here and there to get chores done. Now I'm going in to work, so those extra bits of time were taken away.

Poor Jasper (our injured cat). I took him back to the vet for his check-up, and he has reinfected the wound on his front right leg by licking it. Now he has to wear one of those collars that prevents him from cleaning himself. It looks like a lamp shade. He is not happy, although I can flip the collar back since it's flexible to allow him to clean himself a little. It's made him sad. He has to take antibiotics, have his wound cleaned and medicated with ointment several times per day. I have to say that he is the most easy-going cat I've ever met and lets me give him the medicine! Our other cats are crazy, and I usually get scratched! He is super nice.

I haven't felt depressed really, just more stressed! :-)

Best Friends

2008-03-01T12:19:00.000-08:00

I just caught this precious moment today. Jasper is one of our outdoor cats. He was injured yesterday... actually he had an old injury that had got infected. He was treated at the vet and now gets to be an indoor kitty while he heals. He is VERY SWEET and you can see who his best friend in our family is, can't you? :)

Potty Train Insane

2008-02-20T19:27:00.000-08:00

Potty training is coming a little easier for MB than for MG. It's definitely different for each kid. Today MB decided to use the potty. The difficult thing is that he only wants the big potty! He also wanted to sit on it every 15 minutes! I put up the gate and suggested that he use the little potty, and this was not well received. He took it and threw it over the gate with a roar of outrage. He's a little headstrong. :) I am extremely happy that he is an easy one to potty train. I'm still having some difficulty with MG although today she was encouraged to try to keep up with MB.

Work has been crappy, but there's nothing much that can be done about it right now so it does little to complain. It helps to vent a little though. Sigh. I hope that I can have the courage and ability for something that works out better for my family. My family really comes first for me, so this whole issue has been difficult. I have to work to help take care of my family, so I have to keep that in my mind. I'm doing it for them. I've been looking at job listings for this area, but there's not much out there at this time of the year. Maybe there will be more openings in the summer or fall. Maybe things will improve where I'm at by then and I won't have to go hunting for something else after all.

I actually bought a board game the other day. Who has time for an old fashioned board game? I had to buy "Trivial Pursuit: Totally 80s" when I saw it for $10 at the store! Mark and I grew up in the 80s, so it's something that we will love... if we ever get a chance to play it! We've been so tired each night that we go to bed soon after the kids do. I'm so tired tonight, but I wanted to stay up a little longer to write about the excitement in my life.

Long Time No Write

2008-02-06T17:05:00.000-08:00

Hello...long time no write. I have been having some issues with work. Things will work out..they have to, right? I have not been able to work from home for a while and this may be ongoing. This causes problems with our childcare situation. Anyway, I am getting more time among adults, so maybe I need that too. :-) Sorry I haven't felt much like writing with all this going on, but I will be reading your blogs.

Fireworks, Not Cigarette Butts!

2008-01-29T17:17:00.000-08:00

Today I stomped around in the burnt spots in the field and found the remnant of a burnt firework. Later, my father-in-law found more. Our neighbors up the road had been setting them off on Sunday, so that's what started our fires! Yikes! Since our neighbors are close friends of Mark's parents, my father-in-law is going to talk with them about what happened. Hopefully they'll be more careful and learn a lesson from this! :-) Whew, I think that I have!

Fire is Scary

2008-01-27T19:07:00.000-08:00

Well, we had a strange experience today. Mark just happened to look out the front window to see smoke drifting past. Then we were in shock to see the little field beside us on fire! It had about five places that were burning. We just stood there a few seconds in shock because it just didn't make sense at first. This was especially odd because there is still some snow on the ground here and there. This was on Mark's fathers' property, so he and Mark ran out there to put it out because it was beginning to spread and two little fires joined. I called the fire department, but Mark and my father-in-law had just got the last fire put out when they arrived. They were worn out from running around throwing snow on the fire and stamping it. The firemen wet the whole area to make sure that it didn't flare back up. We don't really know how it started... something that especially bothers me! We suspect that someone flicked a cigarette out onto the field driving past or something. I was going to take a picture, but decided to try and forget about it instead. I'm glad that my hubby and father-in-law didn't get hurt! I know that this was a much milder incident, but now I appreciate how horrible it must be for people who experience the huge wildfires out in California. It is scary to see fire that close.

Time to Destress AGAIN

2008-01-22T17:00:00.000-08:00

That's one reason I haven't been able to write much lately. I just feel too stressed out. Time to take a deep breath, relax and destress AGAIN. Sigh................

Thank Goodness for Butt Paste!

2008-01-19T19:21:00.000-08:00

I'm finally getting time to post. My MG has had this awful stomach virus that has left her poor little bottom so sore that she wailed in pain most of the day. It was just horrible. I couldn't go out with the kids all day since she was too sick to go out, so MM went out after work and got Butt Paste. I ran out of diaper rash cream a long time ago and never had to use it much to begin with. I was so frazzled early today trying to search through stuff hoping to find some hidden away somewhere, but I could only find the baby powder. This only provided temporary relief. Well, the Butt Paste is great...it immediately did the trick and MG is finally sleeping. Whew...what an awful day. I know that kids get sick, but we have been sick practically every two weeks since Fall. This comes after having a terribly stressful day at work yesterday. Do you ever just want to go out in an open field somewhere where hopefully no one can hear and just scream? I guess I need to do something like that because I just hold everything in. Ah well, this is just part of life and being a mother. Everybody tells me that when Kindergarten rolls around, the kids will have their immunities built up and won't get sick as often since they've been exposed to it in preschool. I hope that it's true!!

I'm having a Southern identity crisis. I know this sounds silly, but I have always seen myself as a Tennessee girl from the South. When I went South to visit, it was not a pleasant experience. It just wasn't, and I'm not entirely sure why. Part of it was my depression. It was so unpleasant that I haven't even wanted to think about it and haven't written on my Southern blog in a LOOOOOOOOONG time. Sometimes I feel that I never want to go back. Maybe that will change.

Sorry my post is all over the place. I can't write about the thing that's been bothering me the most. (has do do with work) That I have to pray about. I am reading a really great book right now... Wide Open Spaces: Beyond Paint-by-Number Christianity by Jim Palmer. Barbara had talked about it on her blog, so I placed a hold on it at my library. I just started reading it and really like it so far. I have been struggling with the issue of going to church and how I feel about my beliefs. This book seems to deal with these issues or things related, so I really am excited about reading it.

I keep wanting to write, but about nothing in particular... just because this is precious time to myself where I can get out some thoughts. Interruption......Oh well...now I have to tend to someone :) Maybe I'll get some time later.....

The Church Thing Revisited

2008-01-14T19:29:00.000-08:00

I got to thinking about this issue again...especially since a well-meaning family member keeps after us about this. I have decided what to do. I am going to have a "home school" Sunday school class for my kids every Sunday morning. I can do that! I already started last Sunday and it went well. I have this wonderful pre-school bible that really makes each story simple and easy for the kids to understand. I'm also going to read my bible and meditate each night. It really made me feel better last night to do that. Sometimes nights seem to be hard for me. That's when I worry about things. I think that this would be the best thing for us to do right now rather than jumping right into going to church. I want to go, but this might help it to be less of a shock when the kids first start. I also think that it would be good to have this be part of our every day life. I haven't been teaching the kids or telling them enough about God and my beliefs, so I think that this is a good way for us to start. Then, in a few months, who knows? We might feel ready to try church.

I've been a little down lately. I'm thinking that it could be that I'm extra busy and tired. I feel sad when I don't have time to blog. It helps relieve some of that stress to talk about it here, so I'm feeling alot of relief right now. Poor Mark... I think that he wants to blog right now, but he's having a hard time getting MB to sleep. Nice of him to give me a break, though. We each put one of the kids to bed at night. My kid went right to sleep, lucky me! :)

Clothesline is Cheap

2008-01-10T17:48:00.000-08:00

We've enjoyed the luxury of a clothes dryer for several years now, but our electric bill went up so ridiculously much recently that we're going back to the clothesline. This is not fun to do in the Winter, but we've luckily had a few days of unseasonably warm weather. I'm curious to find out if it will make a difference. We put a "temporary" clothesline outside. It really looks like a Ma and Pa Kettle clothesline attached to a tree and propped up in the middle by a huge branch. It's funny. It works perfectly well, though. When Spring comes we will put up something better. We have also put a clothesline across the entire length of our basement and a drying rack in the bathroom. It's very time consuming. The kids have fun helping me, which is nice. My sidebar drawing very much illustrates our life right now. :)

Happy Second Birthday!

2008-01-08T17:48:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is my little boy's second birthday! He shares his special day with his grandpa who he calls Pap Pap. :) We were so surprised that he arrived on this day... four weeks before his due date! I didn't get to see him for very long right after he was born. He had to go to the special care nursery and I had to visit him there during that first week. I remember the first time I walked in to the nursery and walked to the side of his crib. He stopped crying and turned his head and looked at me with those big beautiful eyes. It made me laugh out loud because he had the funniest little expression on his cute little face. He continues to be such a funny little guy that keeps me laughing.

Fast Food

2008-01-03T15:36:00.000-08:00

My clothes felt a little loose, so I felt safe to get on the scales. I really avoid this normally, but was pleasantly surprised to have lost about 10 lbs. I haven't exercised, so this is entirely due to changing some things about the way I eat. Instead of having pancakes for breakfast, I've been eating a bowl of cereal or a granola bar. I have almost entirely quit eating out...except for today I splurged because I didn't have time to eat breakfast. I am also eating more salads and raw veggies for snacks. Those are the only things that I can figure have affected my weight. Also, I'm less depressed, so maybe I'm eating less? Now I just need to find time to exercise.

Fast Food Fix by Devin Alexander... Mark brought home this wonderful book from the library a few days ago. So far, we have tried the KFC popcorn chicken recipe and it was delicious...better than the real thing. I am so impressed with this book. The author has worked hard to duplicate the taste of many fast food favorites, but has improved upon the recipe by making it healthier. She never fries the foods! They are baked instead. Some of these foods are still high in calories, but they are a good alternative if you are craving the "bad" version of it. :)

Waking Up, Upside Down!

2008-01-02T16:30:00.000-08:00

I'm still recovering from the holidays and trying to catch up on sleep. I'm not a pretty sight without my sleep! Ever since the kids got sick, they started getting up several times during the night. For some reason, MG has been extra clingy and still getting up in the night even though she is no longer sick. Then MB gets up in the wee morning hours to climb into my bed. There's not enough room, so I have been going out to the couch for a few hours and letting him have my spot. Last night I was just TOO TIRED to go to the couch. I woke up, upside down! I had climbed into the wrong end of the bed, so I was sleeping with my face next to someone's big size 13 feet! Yep, I was oh so tired.

I know that alot of people get sad during the holidays. I do too. I know why, too. It's just a time when I think about the people who I love and miss who have died in my family. I am glad to have good memories of those special people at Christmas, but it hurts to miss them and regret that they didn't get to live longer lives. I have a real difficult time to this day still feeling like my dad was taken away when he was too young, when my mom was too young and especially when my brothers and I were too young. I miss him. I especially remember that he LOVED Christmas and made a big deal out of it.

Having kids to surprise at Christmas has made it a happier time for me. Thinking about these things has made me start thinking about church again. I haven't had to worry about the church issue for a while because I obviously can't take the kids when they're sick. I want to give church a try soon. Experiencing it is the best way to decide if it's for us. And I want to kind of do it in secret...not make a big deal out of it.

Happy New Year everyone, and thanks for reading my blog! :)

De-stressing

2007-12-27T16:17:00.000-08:00

As I've said before, I'm one to let the stress build up till I explode. I really felt like exploding today, so I'm working on de-stressing while Mark has the kids out to the store this evening. It's quiet and I'm listening to music. I love guitar music, so I'm listening to something I checked out from the library. "The Ultimate Most Relaxing Guitar Music in the Universe" is the title. I like it so far. I really started loving guitar music when I found a guitar lullabies cd for MG when she was a baby. It was so pretty and relaxing.

I'm also reading my all time favorite children's fantasy book. This is the book that first got me interested in reading. My fourth grade teacher read it to us... one chapter per day. It was so exciting that the entire class was hanging on every word and we would beg Mrs. Doig to go on and read another chapter. I've been reading this book by Christmas-tree light at night. It's pretty miraculous that I actually have the book in my hands. A couple of years ago I kept thinking about this book but had no idea what the title was. I posted a question about it on a librarian's list serv and someone out their in cyberspace recalled the title. It was out-of-print, so it was difficult to locate a copy. I finally found one on e-bay, plus I found out that there was a sequel, so I have both books! Have you ever heard of it?

Follow That Star

2007-12-26T16:40:00.000-08:00

I feel really drained after taking care of sick kids for the past week. I've had lots of help from Mark, but it still left me feeling tired and a little down. I am happy to say that MG is much, much better and MB is beginning to get a little better. MG was so much better that she ate alot for her Christmas dinner last evening. Both kids had stomach viruses and colds with MG's cold turning into bronchitis. Yuck is an understatement. I had a touch of the stomach virus too, but it lasted only one day thank goodness.

Now I need to be a little selfish and have some "me" time. I really do. When I saw that beautiful star in the sky on Christmas morning, I had the urge to jump in the car and go follow it. I know that's silly, but I wonder what I would have found. It looked so close by. :) I think that I'll get Mark to watch the kids on Sunday or Monday while I go get my hair and nails done or something. Maybe that would make me feel better and a little less crazy.

Christmas Star

2007-12-25T11:07:00.000-08:00

Early this morning before anyone woke up, I was lying on the couch and looked out the window. The sun was just beginning to rise, so the sky had just lightened to a soft blue. There was a single morning star in the sky. It was so bright and beautiful. It really felt magical and made me think about the star that the shepherds and wise men followed to find baby Jesus in the bible story. It was a nice peaceful time for me before the kids woke up to find their Christmas presents this morning. *

The Fun and Funny this Christmas

2007-12-23T19:36:00.000-08:00

Since it's been not so fun for us and the kids since they're sick right now, I wanted to share a few fun things that we did and a couple of funny things that happened.

A couple of weeks ago, MG went to a gingerbread house making program at the library. She had such a good time. She would not let me help her, and insisted on doing it all herself.

When the kids were first getting sick, I took them out Christmas shopping with me. I was a little stressed out when I bought a cd set for my father-in-law. When I got home, I discovered that I had bought him this Country Songs cd set. I really didn't mean to get love songs. :) You would think that I would notice the pink case and the words LOVE SONGS in bold on the front...duh!

The funniest thing that happened while the kids have been sick took place last night when I was half asleep. Someone was whining at the bedside. I immediately thought that it was one of the kids with a fever, so I put my hand on his forehead to see how hot he was. It was a fuzzy forehead... it was my cat Abner!

Despite the kids being sick, there have been some fun and funny moments. :)

All I want for Christmas...

2007-12-22T18:56:00.000-08:00

is for my two kids to get well! I took MG to the doctor on Friday because her temperature was 103.9 at 2AM that morning! That's the highest it's ever been, so it scared me. She has mild bronchitis and is on antibiotics now. MB has a cold, too. Poor things. I hope that they feel better on Tuesday morning so that they can enjoy the special day. :)

Smells Like Christmas

2007-12-20T14:51:00.000-08:00

I've been remembering some of my early childhood Christmases. My favorite memories are of my Dad going to find us a Christmas tree. He would go to my great grandmother's farm to choose a cedar tree. We were excited and kept looking out the window for his return. Then, once the tree was inside, it's wonderful spicy scent would permeate the house. I especially remember the smell of the cedar tree as it was warmed up by the old fashioned Christmas lights. It smelled so wonderful and is something that I will never forget. Whenever I smell cedar, it smells like Christmas to me.

Sick Again

2007-12-19T17:55:00.000-08:00

My kids are sick again. Boo-hoo. I'm hoping to get them better by Christmas. It's never fun being sick during the holidays. I won't be posting much while they're sick. I worry so much about them when they're not feeling well.

Today: The TEST

2007-12-18T14:59:00.000-08:00

Today was the test. I didn't get depressed even though the day went like this-

1. MG woke up on an off starting at 3:30 AM with non-stop coughing.

2. I got the kids dressed to take MG to preschool even though she was sick...because I had to drop off some items to their Christmas party.

3. After that, I was going to drive the kids to McDonald's for breakfast. As we were stopped at a light, MB barfed all over himself and his carseat. I kept my cool & parked and changed him since I try to always carry an extra set of clothes-whew!

4. This evening we looked at our electric bill & since it was snowy on that day, the meter reader didn't come out and they estimated it. Uh, they charged us $100 extra with there crappy estimate! We're conservative with our heat & I know that we didn't use that much more, so we get to argue about that tomorrow. GRR...this is almost what made me lose it today. I was very good about keeping my cool all day until this. Sigh...It does feel better to get it off my chest.

Money

2007-12-15T08:40:00.000-08:00

We've really been feeling the effects of the rise in cost of electricity and gas prices here. The electricity went up about 75% in our area, and then I'm spending alot on gas getting MG to and from her preschool. I've got to think about ways of reducing our bills. So here's my boring post about money woes and ideas to help the situation.

1. Find a closer preschool for MG. I love the one she is at, but it is a 30 minute drive from here. But then there's the issue of a closer one being more expensive! UGH!
2. Can't do anything about the heating with electricity issue, but will go without air conditioning more often in the summer.
3. Put up a clothesline to use the clothes dryer less.
4. Try to work 2 extra hours per week at my job. I have to get this approved, but it's a possibility since we are short staffed.
5. Potty Train the kids...completely. Diapers and pull-ups are a huge expense.
6. Plant more veggies in the Summer.

Those are the best ideas that I have right now. I think that it'll make a difference. Once the kids are in school, I will need to work more hours or try to find a full time job. We're getting close to January... time to start thinking about new year's resolutions. :) Anyone else out there having problems because the huge rise in costs of electricity and gas?

My Side of the Bed!

2007-12-11T17:40:00.000-08:00

One night last week during the wee morning hours, I got up to go to the bathroom. When I came back, this is what my side of the bed looked like. Funny picture, huh?

Snow Fun!

2007-12-06T15:23:00.000-08:00

We had an early December snow. We played out in it yesterday and today. It's funny how we bundle little kids up so that they can barely move. Whenever MB fell down, he couldn't get back up because of the layers and layers of clothes! They had so much fun. :)

Do you think that I'm acting better?

2007-12-04T16:29:00.000-08:00

That's the question that I asked Mark the other night. I wanted to know if he could see a difference in my behavior and attitude since I started taking meds for the depression again. He said that, yes, it has made a difference. I really do feel better. I've been getting out and doing more. I hadn't realized just how much I was moping around the house and couldn't bring myself to go places. It really helps me to be more positive. The biggest change is that MG's behavior has become better too. I'm much more tolerant and patient and have lost some of the anger problems.

I haven't written as much because I've been busy doing extra holiday related things. Plus, my work has been busier because one person is on medical leave and at the same time, my department has taken on some new job responsibilities. There's also some weirdness going on at work, but I'm really not going to worry about it or think about it at this point. I've got more fun things to think about.

Hope that you guys are all doing ok. If the kids get to bed earlier tonight, I'll catch up on reading your blogs. :)

Fun Thanksgiving, Craziness Ever Since

2007-11-28T15:45:00.000-08:00

We really did have a fun Thanksgiving. The kids loved seeing their cousins. It was fun to cook good food for more people! All my cooking turned out good this time! :) ...even the new things that I tried for the first time.

Things have just been so busy since then...at work, at home. The kids both have colds, so you know how that is. Grumpy and wild! A bad combination! I also put up the Christmas tree and that seemed to make the kids even more excited and hyper. The good news is that MB pulled down the tree only once so far, and I caught it before it hit the floor. He keeps pulling the garland off of it, but that's OK. We get to have fun decorating it over and over and over again! Woopee!

I have to describe today in a little more detail to show you why I feel like my blood pressure went up today. First of all, MB got up during the night because he was uncomfortable with his cold. He actually climbed out of his bed and went running and screaming down the hall in the dark! I had to chase after him and sleep with him out on the couch. Then we woke up around 9AM and he wouldn't eat anything. He then opened the fridge and pulled out the eggs. I assumed that he wanted scrambled eggs, so I started cooking some. Whenever I turned my back, he was back at the fridge pulling out more eggs! I kept having to run over and get them from him. I finally got smart and put them out of his reach on the counter top. He went to the living room and was busily playing, so I hurried over and returned the eggs to the fridge. The next thing I know, MB has eggs splattered all over the floor and then he slides right through them and falls with his blankies. So he had raw eggs all over himself and his blankies and the floor! He had returned for a fifth time to grab the eggs from the fridge. The persistent little bugger!

I was so mad, but it all cleaned up. Then I got the kids out to the store for Popsicles which is the only thing that they want to eat with these colds. Sigh. It's all very funny now, but I really wondered if things could get any crazier. That's a dangerous thing to wonder. :)

Guests for Thanksgiving & Mixing Traditions

2007-11-15T16:35:00.000-08:00

We just found out that we are going to have guests for Thanksgiving. :) I am very excited. Mark's brother and my sister-in-law plus their three children are coming up next Tuesday! We just saw them a few weeks ago and stayed there for the first part of our vacation in Kentucky. That was the best part of our trip. I'm really looking forward to seeing them again. I love talking to my sister-in-law, so this will be very nice. We didn't think that they would be able to come, so this is such a great surprise! It is such a treat to see the cousins playing together, and what fun it will be! Now I have some motivation to CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN this weekend.

When I first moved to this area, I was surprised when my mother-in-law cooked sauerkraut to go with the turkey and stuffing for Thanksgiving. That is a traditional Thanksgiving side dish here! And it's not the sauerkraut that I grew up with. It is cooked with caraway seed, apples, potatoes and sausage in the slow cooker. It is delicious. I'll have to get some tips on how to prepare it this way. Then I'll definitely have to make my mom's version of Southern cornbread dressing. It's going to be a mixture of traditions. It'll be fun!

Olives for Me!

2007-11-13T16:23:00.000-08:00

Isn't this the cutest? One of MB's favorite treats is OLIVES of all things! He really loves them. He wanted green olives with his breakfast and later black olives for a snack. He requests them by name. I'm not sure why he loves them so much. I like them, too, but not for breakfast.

I need to try to find ways for the kids to get exercise when the weather is yucky outside, especially since Winter is at our doorstep. There are things to do like going to storytimes at the library, but those things aren't the same as running and playing outside. It seems hard to find outdoors things to do in the cold weather with little kids. I'm trying to remember if I played on my swing set when it was cold outside when I was a kid. I think that I did sometimes, but it didn't get as cold down South as it does here. I'm not complaining, though. Really..the Winters are beautiful here when it snows.

What Really Matters

2007-11-07T17:16:00.000-08:00

Today I took action against my negative thoughts and worries and took the kids to the park to play even though I didn't feel like it. It was cool outside and MB is still getting over his cold. He was all action today, though, so he must be feeling better! I'm Mrs. Mopey Worrywart much of the time and THAT MUST CHANGE. Anyway, I took the kids to the park, and they were so happy. I could tell that the fresh air and play made them feel better and act better. I felt better, too. :)

I have to realize that my main priority is helping my kids to have happy lives. That's really truly one of the most important things to me. I think that getting them to play and taking them to places that they can play with other kids or do fun activities is extremely important. I've been mopey and have not been going out much, but I think that I need to do it no matter how I feel. It's bound to make me feel better anyway. I also want to have a more positive attitude. There's no good in worry or negativity and it rubs off on the kids in a hurtful way. I know because my mom was a negative and depressed person. I know the effect that it can have on children.

Taking action to help the kids...I can do that. :) Tomorrow I plan to take MB to a story time program at the library while MG is in her preschool class. This is much more meaningful than wasting money on shopping, and it's free!

It's a Madhouse!

2007-11-06T17:17:00.000-08:00

I telecommute some evenings. That's what I'm doing tonight. The kids have been wild monkeys all night, and it sounds like a zoo out there. Sure, working from home is great, but sometimes it's really hard to concentrate if you're telecommuting from THE ZOO. The kids have been pretty wild all day plus they have colds. Maybe they'll be all wound down by the time I am off from work. :)

One thing that has been difficult is getting any type of cleaning done. I really suck at cleaning, & I don't know why. I feel that I have cleaned things up if I am so lucky to get the dishes done and the trash/diaper pails changed so the house doesn't stink. Sometimes I try to pick up toys. Is this just how it's going to be until the kids get a little older? Also, I sometimes don't notice the mess until it has become a mountain. Then I feel so overwhelmed and can't seem to find the time to clean it all up. I guess that's what I should be doing each night, but I'm so tired then! Excuses, excuses. Then a "certain person I know" fusses about the mess even when I've worked on it, so I do feel overwhelmed and unmotivated by it all. Ugh!!!!

Other than that, I've really been feeling much better. Not so depressed!

Brainstorming Changes

2007-11-03T10:41:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking alot lately. I am really feeling more positive and want to explore ways to improve things for my family. I sure feel lack of motivation at my job. It also feels like a negative atmosphere for me. It's been good to telecommute alot and be here for my kids, but it's a sedentary job, and I'm at home too much. It has had good aspects because my kids do not have to be in childcare. I LOVE being with my kids.

I realize that with preschool and kindergarten coming up in the next few years, my schedule wouldn't be serving it's purpose any longer. I would actually be seeing less of the kids with my working nights and every other Saturday. We need the money, so I do need to work. I also think that it's good for me with my shy tendencies because I'm forced to talk to people. :)

So here's my plan. My biggest concern before looking for a job would be to make sure that I have a good place for my kids to learn and be taken care of. MG is doing well in preschool now, and MB will be old enough to start next Fall. Some childcare centers offer preschool and are learning centered. That's my task. I want to check out the preschool and childcare programs and get my kids on waiting lists. Then I could start looking at job ideas.

One initial job idea would be a teacher assistant position at a local public school. (This is something that I've done before). We have a new school opening next Fall, so their may be positions opening up then. The pay is not the greatest, but I would be working a schedule similar to my kids' schedule...especially when they're both in elementary school. I also like working with kids and it would help me to be more in tune with the educational needs of my own kids. There also might be the opportunity to continue on with the library as a substitute working occasionally to fill in and make extra money. The thing that would be nice is that I would be home in the evenings and on weekends and in the Summer. That would allow more time with the kids and MM or allow time for the substituting to earn extra money. Right now I have very little time with MM or family time where we're all able to do something together.

Sigh. Those are my ideas. I know there are probably a million "what ifs". With my depression problem, I tend to not take action on making good changes in my life. I tend to procrastinate. I am starting to feel better now that I'm getting treatment, so I hope that this will help motivate me. :) Please feel free to send any ideas or thoughts my way. :)

It Was Worth It

2007-11-01T14:15:00.000-07:00

We really enjoyed our family time and taking the kids trick-or-treating. It was fun! Here's a pic of our little Elmo and Snow White with her kitty friend. :)

Dressing Up for Halloween?

2007-10-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

It was always so much fun as a kid. I remember wearing those cheesy old plastic masks and costumes from the 70s and 80s. Trick or treating was so much fun. Nowdays I usually don't dress up, because it's fun enough dressing the kids up. MG is going to be Snow White and MB will be Elmo. I let them choose their costumes this year. They both dressed up for the party at MG's preschool today. I wasn't going to put MB in his costume, but he started yelling "E-mo! E-mo!" when he saw his sister all dressed up. They were cute! Metal Mark is planning on dressing up. :) I might.... especially since it was difficult for me to actually be off from work for Halloween. Hmmm...what shall I be? Hillbilly, Scarecrow, Witch?

Happy Halloween Thoughts

2007-10-28T07:21:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling better and more positive today for several reasons. I may get to go trick-or-treating after all after switching my job hours to actually work all day, but be off for Halloween night. Hurrah! Then today, I'm going to visit my co-worker who is on medical leave and take her flowers. I'll have a little free time to myself when I do that. It's a beautiful sunshiny day outside. Mark and I had Mommy and Daddy time last night. We even got to play the Wii Nintendo game that he borrowed from work... he has to learn how to play it for job related reasons. :) Finally, I am going to see my doctor tomorrow about my depression problems... even though I may not actually be depressed tomorrow. The blues come and go.

I've also been thinking about how to smooth things over with my brother and his wife. I am going to send a thank you note with pictures that we took. I've just been thinking about how my brother and I were just like MB and MG when we were little...we're very close in age. I have all kinds of pictures of he and I together and lots of good memories of playing together when we were kids. We kind of got less close over the years, and I'm actually closer with my youngest brother for some reason.

I Yelled at the Burger King Girl

2007-10-24T05:37:00.000-07:00

I'm getting tired of taking other people's crap. I've always done it because I really don't like arguing or yelling or anything like that. Well, yesterday the Burger King girl was rude to me basically because she couldn't hear me at the drive through window. (Not my fault) I yelled at her, something I never do. She was being bitchy, so I was that way in return. It's pretty sad that the only person that I can stand up to is the poor Burger King girl.

I've been upset with my brother and sister-in-law. Then I came home to be attacked about my lousy parenting because I don't have the kids in church. Now I'm having trouble at work. I know that I've discussed this before, too. More than a month ago, I put in to take off for Halloween. My supervisor acted strange and did not want me to take off for my vacation South and he did not want me to take off for Halloween either. Nevertheless, he found someone to sub for me for Halloween. Now he is basically telling me that I can't be off after all because of another issue with a co-worker's medical leave. I understand about that, but he's not asking me, he's telling me. I tried to explain to my daughter, but she doesn't understand. I never take off extra on holidays.

I know that Halloween isn't the most important holiday and that it's not the end of the world if I miss it, but I'm upset with my supervisor's attitude towards me. Everything changed once I had kids and I quit working extra hours for free and when my schedule became fixed. My job used to be my number one priority, but now it's not. My kids come first. I have to have my job in order to have enough money to raise our kids. Maybe my performance at my job has gone downhill. I could probably do better. I feel burnt out. I've been in the same job for almost 9 years. Could that be the problem?

I'm really depressed.
Update: I just set up that doctor's appointment that I've been putting off. It'll be on Monday morning when MM is watching the kids. I sure hope that this will help me. That's the earliest appointment that I could get. I know that I have to do something about this depression.

Not Excited About Church

2007-10-23T12:28:00.000-07:00

This is my new issue to deal with. We have had a very well-meaning relative nagging us because the kids are not in church. I'm actually pretty livid about this right now for many reasons. The person who nags us has no clue to how difficult it is to get two toddlers ready and there on time that early in the morning. They also do not know what it's like for both parents to work and have alternating schedules and to feel like going to church to sit and listen to a self righteous wind bag go on and on about things that they really don't really know about after all. OK, I'm really mad and sorry that this is so negative. Sigh. I do want to go to church, but not with hypocrites or with prejudiced people who look down on others. In my past, I've seen so much of this especially at church. Maybe this isn't for the right reasons, but I'd only be going to church to let my kids experience being around other kids. Also, Mark and I could stand to make a few friends. I believe in God and Jesus and I do try to teach my kids about this. I think that my in-laws believe that we aren't telling the kids anything and are raising them to be heathens. I'm sorry, but church will not get you to heaven. Maybe I'll find a church that doesn't turn me off & then maybe I'll feel differently. Actually, we are going to try the closest one to our house... maybe next Sunday. The minster is a woman, so I am excited that perhaps this will make the whole experience better for me. You see, I grew up in the Southern Baptist church which pretty much looks down on women altogether. Very bad, negative experiences. So, I definitely need a different type of church than the one I grew up in. I can't live with myself if I go to church just to be going to church or to be appeasing the well-meaning relatives. I really have to go somewhere where I believe what I'm hearing & the people have to be genuinely kind, caring people... not a bunch of phony self-righteous people.

Please, I really would like to hear any advice or thoughts on this. Sorry about my rant. It's just that we had some rough moments on our vacation & then we're being attacked about the church issue. It makes me sad and stressed.

95% Wonderful

2007-10-22T08:32:00.000-07:00

There were so many wonderful things about our trip, so I am going to think about those things. Even though the situation at my brother's house upset me, it's sad that I'm dwelling on that when the good things outweigh anything bad. :) It wasn't ALL bad at my brother's house, either. I'm going to write about the good parts, so that I can just let the other things go and forget about it. After all, it was only about 5% bad!

One of the best things was that our kids were so very good on the long drive down to Kentucky! We left on Sunday morning at 6AM. The kids watched the portable DVD player, looked at books, slept, had snacks and we made several stops for potty breaks and food. They did great and did not get too fussy! They were great on the drive back home, too. We were very lucky.

When we were driving through the beautiful mountains of West Virginia, we went through an area that overlooked a huge valley. I saw sky divers parachuting! It was just beautiful. Unfortunately, my camera was not within reach. On our way back home as we drove through the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, I took pictures of the Blue Ridge Mountains. The leaves had started changing to pretty oranges, reds and yellows. MG enjoyed seeing the mountains .

Spills

2007-10-20T21:40:00.000-07:00

Earlier today I posted about the good & bad things about our vacation. The most difficult part was the situation at my brother' s house where they both were afraid that we were going to get a speck of dirt on their carpet or something like that. Mark and I were talking about the differences in reactions to spills. As most of you know, kids spill things. It happens quite often. Actually, most adults spill things too. Anyway, we had spills happen at three different relatives' homes and it is so funny to compare the very different reactions to the spills. It's also very revealing of the differing personalities. :)

FIRST SPILL
The first spill happened at Mark's brother's house. MG turned over a glass of water in the kitchen that went all over the floor and under the kiddy table. My extremely easy going sister-in-law aka mother of three boys said "Oh, don't worry about it... we'll just clean it up later." She insisted that we leave it there, and we all went into the living room to watch the kids and just left the mess for later!

SECOND SPILL
The second spill happened at my brother Andy's house. MG was putting her little bottle of orange drink on the table when she slipped with it in her hand and is spilled onto the kitchen floor. My brother said not to worry and he grabbed a dry paper towel and began cleaning it up. I suggested that he use water so that the floor wouldn't get sticky, so he then wet the paper towel and wiped up the mess. Then my sister-in-law with the corn cob stuck up her butt walked into the room. She became very stressed and was upset that we were using water instead of a special cleanser. She said "We can't let it get under the rug!", so my brother had to pull back the rug even though the spill had not gone near it. After that, we were fussed at about cleaning our feet, dropping food on the kitchen floor, etc. We were walking on egg shells.

THIRD SPILL
This one is my favorite. We were visiting my youngest brother Jason when MG (poor MG...it's always her) bumped some one's soda which spilled down under the couch and under the end table. My brother and sister-in-law laughed as my brother got down on his hands and knees to wipe it up with a dry cloth towel. He then peered under the couch and said "Hey! So that's where those books went!" The spill turned into a good thing because my brother began pulling out items that had fallen down behind the couch that he thought were lost. They were laughing about it the whole time. Funny, funny, funny!

******All these reactions perfectly illustrate the atmosphere in each home. So, what would your reaction be if a kid spilled a drink on your floor? Personally, I would reassure the child that it was OK. Next, I would happily clean it up. Then it would be forgotten. If it leaves a stain, I simply use the steam cleaner and stain remover when I get a chance. No big deal! :)

THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UGLY

2007-10-20T10:16:00.000-07:00

We're back from our vacation South where we visited family in both Kentucky and Tennessee. It was a very emotional, tiring, wonderful trip for me. It was mostly GOOD. There were a few BAD things. As for UGLY, I'll write about the strange things for this category. I really need to write about these experiences. :)

THE GOOD

The kids got to play with other children. They loved seeing their cousins in Kentucky. They also got to play with my friends' kids who are close in age. It was a treat to see my daughter playing dolls and watching TV with my best friend's little girl.
We loved seeing the kids' joy when they played with the puppies for the first time at my youngest brother's house.
It was such fun to see MG interact with the baby of my family...her 6 month old cousin. She taught him how to stick out his tongue. I will post pictures of this soon. :)
The Fall leaves were just beautiful driving through Virginia in the Shenandoah Valley.
I got to have a very special conversation with my best friend's mother who was like a mother to me when I was a kid going through hard times.
I also had a very deep and helpful conversation with my sister-in-law in KY. She is a very spiritual person.
The kids were so very good while we drove. We did not have to stay in a hotel because the kids slept at the perfect times. :)
My Mom was very happy and had a wonderful time. She was not so devastated when we left and was in such good spirits when I talked to her on the phone when we got back to Maryland.

THE BAD

We stayed with my sister-in-law and brother in TN. They had invited us to stay there which I appreciate, but I had no idea that she was so particular and unused to young children. It was so bad the first night because she almost had a hernia when MG spilled a little juice on her kitchen floor. Then my brother fussed at us about EVERYTHING that the kids were doing. It was almost unbearable and I spent most of that night crying. We were so exhausted, the kids were a little wild from having pent up energy and my brother and sister-in-law did not know how to handle it. I didn't think that we would get to stay there. During that first night, I made up my mind that we would stay, but try to do lots during the day to keep out of their hair. There was some rudeness on my brother and sister-in-law's part, but I think that they were so overwhelmed and had absolutely no realistic clue to how children behave. I was pushed to the point of speaking my mind once, but I did OK with that. Whew, I also bit my tongue once to not say something rude. It turned out fine, but we were very glad to be leaving there. I'm sure that my sister-in-law fumigated the place after we got out of there. I can't wait to see what happens in a few years when her little baby is a rowdy toddler....hee hee hee.
We had to drive through a storm in the dark when we were almost home. That was a bit scary.

THE UGLY

Well, I can only think of the strange bizarre thing for this category. When we were driving down to KY, we stopped at a restaurant for breakfast at McDonald's. I took MB into the bathroom to change his diaper. There was no changing table thing, so I assumed that it was in the occupied handicapped restroom. I waited and waited and waited, but the person would not come out. Eventually, an elderly employee walked in and began talking to this person in the stall. I asked about the changing table & she said that yes, it was in the occupied stall. Finally a woman who looked to be about 60 came out. She was an employee as well. She stood in front of the mirror and looked at herself and began talking to me. She acted strange and talked in a whispery voice and said this: "I am so sweaty that I couldn't get my panties up." Her face was very red. Then she kind of put her hand to her throat and said that it felt like a rope was constricting it. I didn't know what to say and hurried into the stall with MB. Low and behold, there was no changing table in there after all !!! We ended up changing him in the car. Meanwhile, I saw the strange lady come out of the bathroom and go right back to work.

Self Image

2007-10-12T09:59:00.000-07:00

Our vacation South is coming up very soon. I'm embarrassed that I weigh more than I did the last time my family saw me, & I was pregnant at that time! I'm wondering if there's anything that I can do to improve my image before we leave. Maybe a haircut? I have let my hair grow long and all one length. I ALWAYS wear it up with clips now. Maybe a long-layered update might help, I don't know. Sigh. I need to do something to help me feel better about how I look before I see everybody. Losing 50 pounds in 2 days is not an option. I guess it's likely that no one will notice too much about how I look since they'll be focusing on getting to know the kids.

I got sad about this yesterday when I was forced to weigh myself on scales. I had been avoiding this on purpose. When I took MB to the doctor's office, he went crazy and refused to be weighed. MB remembers getting shots from the nurses. I was asked to hold him and step on the scales and then weigh myself so that I could subtract my weight from the total in order to get his weight. I was not happy to have to do this & the nurse even announced my weight out loud! Ugh!

Zoo Fun

2007-10-09T17:32:00.000-07:00

Today was the zoo trip for MG's preschool class. The kids had a wonderful time! I love the zoo. MG was so cute because she insisted on holding the map and was trying to navigate us through the park. :) She's been watching a lot of "Dora the Explorer" lately.

New Post on My Other Blog

2007-10-07T05:01:00.000-07:00

I got up early to have a breakfast of cough drops, Tylenol, crackers, cheese & coffee. Nice combination for my cold, huh? I tell you, we have had a Summer full of colds and the stomach virus! We had a cold two weeks ago & then a new cold during this past week. I do hope that we can go a few weeks without being sick! Especially during our trip! Well, since my cold woke me up so early, I had extra time to post on my Southern themed blog. So, if you have a few seconds, check out my new post entitled "Mayberry is Where I Want to Live".

Our Trip South

2007-10-06T11:53:00.000-07:00

We'll soon be going South to visit our families in KY and TN. I'm really looking forward to spending time with family. This will be the first time that many of my relatives will meet my kids!! I'm also homesick to see the beautiful Smoky Mountains. The mountain range was visible from my childhood home's front doorstep, so I want to stand on my Mom's front porch to see that view again. My heart longs to see everyone! It's been 4 years since our last visit when I was 5 months pregnant with my daughter.

I am a bit concerned about the long road trip for our kids. I want this to be comfortable and fun for them. I'm beginning to think about staying in a hotel on the way there. We would have to pay the extra money, but maybe it would be worth it. I'm trying to figure out which of these two options would be better for us.

OPTION #1
Get the kids up at 5 AM and let them sleep a few more hours while we begin our road trip. Then we would travel all morning and into the early afternoon to get to KY in one day. By that time, it would be the kids' nap time and there's the potential for major grumpiness when we reach our destination. It might not be that bad, but it does seem to go against their normal routine.

OPTION#2
Leave one day ahead of time after lunch & after the kids have had a chance to play. They would get drowsy and take their naps during the majority of the trip to the midway point where we would stop at the hotel and stay overnight. Then we would get up in the morning and have breakfast and an early lunch before leaving for the remainder of the trip.

As you can probably guess, I'm leaning towards OPTION#2. It really seems more natural to the kids' normal schedule. Plus, MG will only take a nap in the car now. I think that they would both feel better and be less tired if we did this. We'd probably feel better too. My hubby and I have been debating about this because of the extra $ that it would cost. I have a few days to think it over. :)

Best Friends! (another favorite Summer pic)

2007-10-04T16:55:00.000-07:00

Here's my favorite Metal Boy picture from the Summer! These two guys are best friends! :)

Favorite Summer Photo

2007-10-03T16:20:00.000-07:00

I especially like this picture of mother daughter. :) You know what? Sometimes when MG is acting up or freaking out, all she really needs is a hug or to be held. The other night she wanted me to rock her to sleep like a baby and sing to her. It was nice. She is still a little girl who needs that sometimes, and I need to not forget that.

Head Spinning

2007-10-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

I always get to this point where I have several problems that I'm working on, and I have all these great ideas for solving the problems, but there are so many things swirling around in my head that it gets overwhelming and confused! And then I get caught up in the confusion, and I don't solve anything. Does that make sense? Sigh! I'm one unorganized person on the inside and outside. I feel like a hamster running round and round in an exercise wheel. Maybe I need to focus on one thing at a time. I'm one to try to let EVERYTHING accumulate and overwhelm myself.

Want to see the list things spinning in my head? Maybe I'll list them and then make a little outline what I should do about it.

1. I feel depressed on and off.
a. Schedule a doctor's appointment
b. Exercise at least 15 minutes each morning, before kids wake up
c. Eat healthy foods

2. Daughter having sleep issues.
a. Get her to bed early. 8:30 PM would be ideal.
b. Make sure that she has a snack beforehand since sometimes she wakes up because she's hungry.

3. Daughter behavior issues.
Ugh...this is the one that's touchy for me right now. This is the difficult one that is probably caused by #1 and 2 above! You know what, this must be true. So I should definitely quit obsessing over the bad behaviors and focus on getting my depression straightened out and MG getting more sleep. Then I think that her behavior will improve. Wow... that's the answer...so simple. :)

I haven't scheduled the doctor's appointment, and that's what I have to do tomorrow. I've been putting it off.

Busy Bee

2007-10-01T21:21:00.000-07:00

That's what I've been lately. I actually feel more energized from having changed my eating habits. The depression has been a problem, but it really helps when I'm doing something. On Sunday, I vacuumed the house and steam cleaned the carpet. Then I cut up a billion vegetables and prepared my soup for the week. I'm doing the Soup Diet and it really is healthy, and you don't starve yourself! It's so tasty and makes cooking meals so easy during the week! You have the basic vegetable soup that's very filling and then you add different ingredients to it so that you have a different kind of soup for dinner for seven days. The breakfasts and lunches are all filling too. I don't know if I'll lose weight from it because I'm not starving, but I do feel extra energy from eating healthier! This morning I got up early and went walking before Mark left for work and before the kids got up. Then later I cleaned up the house and folded laundry. When I laid down for a bit in the afternoon, I began to feel sad, so I got back up and started preparing dinner for the kids.

This evening I worked on my knitting while watching TV. I can actually do both at the same time now. :) It'll probably take forever to finish the little blanket, but that's not what's important. It's definitely something to keep my hands occupied, and it really relaxes me. I know that it's just a few days since I started making these changes, but I am feeling better. I don't know if it's my change in attitude or just good vibes rubbing off on MG, but she has had better behavior. She was so sweet today. We are still having sleep issues with her, though. Just a little while ago she woke up hungry. She was squirting jelly on bread, but the jelly was so thick that it wouldn't come out easily. She said, "It's constipated!" Well, she understands the meaning of that! She cracks me up.

Well, now I really can't keep my eyes open any longer even though I'm reading an interesting book that I will probably pick up before falling asleep. Having time to read is a challenge. I have recently subscribed to a web site that e-mails me book chapters each day. Somehow, I do find more time to read that way. The only problem is that I love to hold a real in the print book in my hands. Good night & here's the link to the soup diet in case you're interested!

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health/amazing-soup-diet-1007

Our Cat Family >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

2007-09-26T17:37:00.000-07:00

I just discovered how to make a montage of the cats that have been a part of my family recently. They're over there in my side bar. We found a good home for two of these guys, but kept all the rest! Yep, we take care of five of these furry critters! Can you guess which two are the spoiled indoor cats?

This one, Bo Bo, is the character of the bunch! Yesterday when I had the kids out on the front porch painting water colors, he kept sneaking up on them and stealing their paint brushes out of their hands! He would grab the end of the paint brush in his mouth and take off with it. He is also the cat who enjoys going on stroller rides with the kids! :)

What I have to do

2007-09-26T04:59:00.001-07:00

It just seems that my daughter's behavior has gotten bad ever since I quit taking medication for depression. I can't help but think that she is being affected by my behavior. I really wanted to be able to completely stop taking it, but that doesn't seem to be the right thing to do. I just want to be happy around my kids especially. I get sad way too often over tiny things. I am going to call my doctor today. I think that MG suddenly acting up at the same time of my ending the medication is just too much of a coincidence for me to ignore.

Knitting the Worries Away

2007-09-24T20:19:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend, I taught myself how to knit. I stayed up till 3AM one night trying to figure out how to do the "knit stitch" after learning how to "cast on". I figured it out, and I love it. It is the perfect thing for me to keep my fingers busy. I love to make things and this really satisfies that urge to create and it is very relaxing. My first project is a miniature blanket for MG's "babies" which are her toy lizards and stuffed animals. After that, I am going to make a baby blanket for my brother's baby who is expected to arrive in December. I had a rough episode with MG today. It's hard, but we're dealing with it and trying to help her. Sigh. Now I'm going to go watch an episode of Andy Griffith, eat a little pop corn and knit! :)

Remind me to tell you about the soup diet that I'm trying. I'll start it tomorrow.

PBSing, Bologna Throwing and Blankie Surfing

2007-09-22T08:17:00.000-07:00

PBSing - "I'm gonna say that PBS word!" That was the puzzling thing that my daughter announced to me yesterday. I was very puzzled at first, but had to LOL when I realized why she was referring to a curse word in this manner. She has overheard me calling it the "F" word or the "Sh" word or sometimes I even spell it when discussing it with Mark. She couldn't remember exactly what combination of letters I use, so she chose the acronym that she is most familiar with. She watches PBS shows like "Dragon Tales" and "Sesame Street". She also calls the UPS truck the PBS truck.

Bologna Throwing - This has become MB's new pastime. He begs for a piece of bologna from the fridge, he takes one bite and then he throws it like a Frisbee across the room. Sometimes I see it flying through the air, but other times I don't find it until I step on it barefoot. Did you know that it's as slippery as a banana peel?

Blankie Surfing - This is a new sport that I invented recently. MG had left the fridge open, so MB ran to it as quick as lightening and grabbed the eggs and was raising them over his head to smash upon the floor. I screamed and ran to the fridge and stepped on his blankie half way there. Then I surfed the rest of the way to the fridge. This gave me just enough speed to save the eggs!

To Spank or Not to Spank

2007-09-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

This is my big dilemma. Before having children, I decided that I did not believe that it was right to spank. I just felt deeply that it was wrong to belittle a child by striking him or her for any reason. I also dislike causing physical pain. I hate it, in fact. Well, now I have felt the need to spank my child. It was a last resort when taking favorite toys away and time-out failed to work. It was one smack on the bottom, but it worked. It was the only thing that made my child stop and listen and quit the bad thing that she was doing repeatedly. But it made me feel horrible because it goes against my philosophy of no spanking. Why is this the only thing that worked in this instance? I'm very disappointed in myself for not being able to succeed in punishing in a different way. I think that sometimes I'm too wishy washy and too much of a softie, so my daughter doesn't understand that I mean business. Ah, but I don't like to yell either! I was spanked as a child. I don't feel that I was abused. I was spanked when I did something unacceptable. The only problem is that I remember a few times of being spanked, and I really didn't understand what I'd done wrong. Gee, after all that, I still feel terrible and that somehow I failed by spanking. Maybe there were other things that I could have tried, but I was completely low on patience. : (

My questions for you:

1. Do you use or have you used spanking as punishment?

2. If so, is it as last resort when nothing else works? or Is it a loss of patience moment?

3. Were you spanked as a child? And do you think that it damaged you for life? Or do you think that it was beneficial means of punishment?

PS. Did you like the picture of the nifty time-out bench at the top of the page? I think that my kid would purposely get put in time-out just to sit on the cool "bad girl" bench. :)

Sleeping In

2007-09-19T06:13:00.000-07:00

Wow...it's 9:15 AM and all is quiet in the house. The kids are just getting over being sick AGAIN, so I'm letting them rest as long as they want this morning. I have a little free time, too. :) I was up last night upset about my childhood friend that I told you about in the last post. My Mom sees her husband and youngest baby at church, so she keeps telling me that he asks for his mother every time she sees him. It's hard to get that image out of my mind, and it has made me sad. I spent two hours taking apart and putting together the kids' train set because it helps me to think. Making something also is therapeutic for me. After that, I got out my bible and read and prayed. That seemed to help even if I did read from Job.

Maybe this is wrong, but the book of Job has always seemed so unfair to me. With my friend's suicide, I keep saying to myself "why does God let this happen?" It's the same feeling sometimes when I wonder why my Dad died. Right after he died, I don't remember who it was, but someone told me that it was meant to be. I just can't believe that terrible things like this happen for any good reason. Have any of you ever struggled with this? I want to go to church, but I'm a little mixed up on what I believe right now. I can't stand sitting through a service with a preacher spouting off things that I can't believe. I guess that's food for thought for another time. I hear a little boy waking up. :)

Brandy

2007-09-15T10:30:00.000-07:00

Update about this- Apparently, Brandy had bipolar disorder. I don't know if she was getting help for this or not, but she was diagnosed with it at some point. It really bothers me, and makes me realize how important it is to get help when you're having depression problems. The more I find out about this, the sadder it is.

A childhood friend from my hometown committed suicide two weeks ago. I just found out today. She was just 26 years young. She left behind her husband and three young children. The youngest is 1 and 1/2 and my Mom heard him crying for his Mommy. This is the first time that I've ever known someone who committed suicide. I remember this happy laughing little girl who I liked to pretend was my little sister. She went to my church and her Aunt used to babysit me, my brothers and Brandy. We used to all play together along with her cousins. She was just this beautiful little girl with big violet blue eyes who was always smiling and laughing and happy. That's what I remember. How could this happen? I ache for those poor babies. The poor dear things. This is just horrible. I don't understand it. I just don't understand. Please say a prayer for her family.

Pooped All of the Time

2007-09-13T14:39:00.000-07:00

I'm so extremely tired virtually all of the time. I really hate feeling this way constantly. I wonder if being overweight is causing me to feel this way. It's been even more intense this week because MG is going to preschool and MB has been sick and I've been exercising more. I have some problems with change in routine, too, so the extra stress of that makes me even more tired. Maybe there are a few things that I need to do to help me with this problem.

1. Get some sleep at night & get everyone in bed before 10:00 PM (Including myself)

2. Keep eating normally until I get used to the exercise.

Gee, that's all I can think of. I guess if that doesn't help, then maybe I should see the doctor. Any advice? :)

Volcanic Eruption?

2007-09-12T15:34:00.000-07:00

I don't normally write about controversial issues, but I wanted to write just a bit about Mary Winkler. I never watch TV, but I thought about watching Oprah today for the interview with the woman who killed her preacher husband. Then I got sidetracked with the kids at 4PM, so I had to read it online instead. I found the verdict and sentence so disturbing, but I wanted to hear her speak.

She grew up just down the road from my grandparents' house in Knoxville, Tennessee. (Literally about 2 miles down the road) She graduated from the same high school that my dad attended. She is close in age with me and is a quiet, shy person... like me. She says that she was an abused wife and something snapped and that she does not remember shooting her husband. I just don't know what to think.

I believe that it's possible that she was abused for years and that things built up because she repressed everything completely. If someone continually represses their pain, especially a shy and quiet person, I think that they have the potential of exploding like a volcano. According to her Oprah interview, and if we believe what she says... her husband got angry at her one year old child for not sleeping and covered the baby's mouth and nose to try and make her "pass out". Maybe this scary abusive thing that he did to her baby was the final straw that caused Mary to explode. I don't know. One problem with everything is that we don't know for sure what really truly happened, because it's all Mary's account of what happened. We can't hear her husband's side of it, because he is dead.

I guess that I really have problems getting this out of my mind because Mary wants custody of her children. This really bothers me. It's all just a terrible horrific situation. I think that the fact that she could blow up and kill someone and not remember doing it would make her a danger to her children. Couldn't she have the potential of getting mad at her child and then exploding and doing something horrible? I do feel sorry for her especially if she was abused, and especially if her children were abused.

It also disturbs me that she didn't try to work things out with her husband. She was quiet and shy and repressed and just let everything build up. Believe me, I know this type of person. I'm a hold it in or bust type person in many ways. Fortunately, I have mini-eruptions and I do get things out of my system when I'm upset. But at one time when I was younger, I held everything in. Being married to my hubby has helped me. He will not let me go to bed mad at him! I'll try to do it, but he just won't let me and will push me till I let the anger out and get it out of my system. Thank God for this! It makes a person very sick to always hold in the anger and pain. It really does, and I think that this must have been what happened to Mary.

Even so, like I said before, we can only hear her side of this. Even if she doesn't remember doing it, she killed her husband. She took her children's father away from them. She took her children's father away from them. She took her children's father away from them! What a horrible thing. It's so sad. My father died in an accident when I was a kid. This was painful, but I can't imagine the pain of what her children have to go through with their daddy dying by their mother's hands. No, I don't think it's safe for her to have sole custody of her children, but I won't be surprised if she gets it. It scares me. And imagine what her in-laws are going through.

I'll stop after this paragraph, I promise. I just want to say one more thing. It really is too bad that there was a loaded gun in that house. What was a loaded gun doing within reach of children anyway? I sure hope that her children will be OK. The poor little things. I am interested in viewpoints of my blogger friends. I thought that you might like to hear mine since I am a quiet, shy person who knows a little bit about volcanic eruptions. What do you think about this whole situation?

OH BOTHER!

2007-09-10T19:06:00.000-07:00

SO TIRED Monday Night! I got up early and did my work out, went to work, came home and had lunch and then took the kids to a farm and market where they each picked out a pumpkin and some colorful fall flowers. We also got some fresh corn. Corn and pumpkins didn't grow that well here in our garden because of the drought. Then I stopped by the store to print out pictures for our Summer photo album. Neither kid took a nap, but neither kid has fallen asleep yet and it's 10:51 PM!!! UGH!!!! They were both sick tonight, so maybe that's making it difficult to sleep. MG will be so disappointed if she has to miss her first day of preschool, but they seem to have a little stomach virus. And my stomach is beginning to feel funny. As MG and Winnie the Pooh would say, "OH BOTHER!" Isn't that great? She's frequently substituting the bad word with cute things.. :)

Little Bunny Foo Foo

2007-09-05T21:08:00.000-07:00

Tom Arma's Bunny
I've been desperate to find a way to curb my daughter saying curse words. Actually, it's only one curse word. Even though I do not say it anymore, she has been saying it to get a reaction from me. And she has been getting quite a reaction. It completely upsets me. Then I found this excellent article on this topic last night that recommended hiding the emotion in my voice when I punish her. (No yelling or crying on my part) I need to be more matter of fact. Also, it recommended using another word to replace the bad word, but choosing a word with a similar sound. This inspired me to try something goofy today.

Whenever she said the terrible word, I would repeatedly and calmly tell her to say "phooey" instead. Then I told her that every time that she said "phooey" instead of F@#*!, it would make Mommy sing this "terrible song" about the bunny. I played it up by saying "Oh no! I have to sing that awful song AGAIN!" This was just hilarious to her, so I've been singing "Little Bunny Foo Foo" over and over today. I've also had to make her sit in time out which she hates, so that has helped too. Now all I have to do is get Mark to learn the lyrics to "Little Bunny Foo Foo" and we'll have this cursing problem nipped in the bud! :) Maybe he can set the lyrics to a heavy metal tune or something.

I've also been keeping up the cooking healthy dinners. It's a little less stressful since I'm doing it more, but it makes it hard for me to get cleaning or washing dishes finished before my work shift starts. These are the dishes that I'm going to try cooking in the days to come:

Lemony chicken stir-fry with snow peas, red bell pepper and garlic searved over rice. (This was tonight's dinner and was very yummy. It was so pretty cooking in the wok.. I should've taken a pic!)

Meatball volcano sandwiches (These are homemade meatballs with cheese in the centers)

Potato Soup (My kids LOVE potato soup & this recipe is so easy. It requires frozen hashbrowns)

Tuna Cakes (These are so yummy. With my version, you mix the tuna with crumbled seeded rye bread, old bay seasoning and eggs. Then you cook them in peanut oil on the stove top. )

Pizza with homemade crust (I've had a pizza baking stone for years, so now I'm finally using it.)

This is really getting fun, but now I'm so tempted to go to a kitchen store and get some new pans and other cool cooking gadgets!

Ending the Fast Food Habit

2007-09-05T17:07:00.000-07:00

Did most of you see this documentary three years ago? I watched it back then and realized how horrible fast food is health wise. Do you remember the part where McDonald's french fries were left to rot in a container for several weeks and they looked virtually the same as they did fresh at the end of that time period? The whole thing made me determined to stop eating fast food. The documentary was very eye-opening. Alas, I was such a hypocrite! It wasn't long before I was right back to eating crummy fast food for convenience. This has continued right up till now, but a few days ago something awful happened.

We went to Wendy's and got something for the kids and took it to the park. We've never had a problem with their food before. My son ate 3 chicken nuggets and some french fries before my hubby and I tried them. We could immediately tell that the oil was old! They were absolutely disgusting. I can't even describe how very nasty it was. And sure enough, several hours later, my little boy was very sick with diarrhea. I felt so horrible and sad that we had unknowingly fed my baby bad food. I was on the verge of calling the doctor. He's OK now, so it only affected him for one day.

Anyway, this experience renews my determination to continue cooking healthy home cooked food for my family. It's difficult sometimes, but I don't want my family suffering from eating bad food or unhealthy fast food. We'll never eat at Wendy's again, but not only that, I need to find a way to stop eating fast food all together. There are healthy delis and other similar restaurants that I could go to. Also, I should always taste the food before I feed it to my children.

Laughter and Chocolate... the best medicines

2007-09-04T13:42:00.000-07:00

I've been watching the first season of "I Love Lucy" on DVD. It has really cheered me up more than anything during this time of job stress & a few other things going on right now. That show brings back memories, & it makes me laugh & forget about the worries for a little while. A little chocolate helps, too!

And Blog Awards are good medicine, too! :) Barbara gave me my first one ever, so that lifted my spirits quite a bit. I really appreciate it. She says that this award originated from Barb on her blog at Skittles' Place. Here it is... my very first blog award....

Searching for Rainbows After the Storm

2007-08-31T08:38:00.000-07:00

(Update: I did a little research tonight to find out that lightning appearing in the rainbow was rare indeed! Check out this article and pictures of it during an Arkansas storm last year! You'll be amazed!)

Are you the type of person who runs outside after a storm to check for rainbows because you see the sun shining? I think that this is a very positive and hopeful action. Maybe I'm not such a "seeing the glass half empty" type person after all. :) Last week, I searched for this rainbow after a thunder storm. I spotted it and then saw something that I have never seen before.... a bolt of lightning within the rainbow! It was a bright orange zig-zagging lightning bolt. I didn't catch THAT moment on camera, but I tried to get the rainbow after that happened. The picture doesn't do it justice.

PS... Hey you! I've been updating my Southern Blog, too.

Job Woes

2007-08-30T14:55:00.000-07:00

I really can't say much about this here, but I am so upset about some things at my job that I can barely even talk to my supervisor. His communication skills stink, so my evaluation had a few negative surprises. I feel as if I went to change a baby's diaper that smelled OK, but to my surprise there's a nasty poo everywhere and I have run out of baby wipes. The pissy thing about this is that our evaluations aren't supposed to be nasty surprises. We're supposed to meet with our supervisor several times during the year for "coaching" sessions to help us "improve". But this isn't the only sour point in my work life right now. There's so much more that I can't talk about because it has me very upset. I feel physically sick about this. I feel stuck, too, because I want to keep my job because of my wonderful schedule that allows me to be with my kids so that they don't have to be in childcare. You know... I really feel that I need to take steps to prepare myself for another type of work. Also, I might want the change once the kids are in school in a couple of years. I just told Mark that I don't want to be "up shit creek without a paddle". I surely need to find some more confidence our there somewhere. :) Please, just say a little prayer for me, & thanks for letting me vent.

The Buzz Cut Challenge

2007-08-28T15:41:00.000-07:00

Mommy gave me a buzz cut today. Now I look a lot like one of these guys. Who do you think most closely resembles me? Harrison Ford in Blade Runner, Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard or Daniel Craig in Casino Royale?

A. B. C.

New Post on My Southern Blog!

2007-08-25T11:27:00.000-07:00

I was motivated to start writing again on my other blog "Still South of the Mason Dixon Line"! If you have a moment, please stop by to read about my favorite Southern celebrity from Mississippi. Guess who! Here's another hint...a picture of his first guitar...

Messy Me

2007-08-24T23:55:00.000-07:00

Are you the type of person that doesn't notice clutter until one more thing added to the pile causes an avalanche? Or perhaps you trip over it and hurt yourself before you realize that your floor is covered in junk? Unfortunately, this is me. With the war on depression going on in my head, I just feel lucky to get through a day taking care of the kids. That's my priority, and they have been extremely energetic and busy. Sometimes I feel very emotionally drained after a typical crazy day.

What is a typical crazy day, you ask? Well, one where MG bites MB's finger on purpose when he offers her a breakfast cheerio. Then we go grocery shopping & she lies down in the floor pitching a tantrum, and MB climbs out of the cart and refuses to stay in it on the way to the car. Try pushing a cart and carrying a big wiggly 1 year old under your arm while pulling a 3 year old along. By the time I get home I need a nap, but I try to get the kids to nap. One usually sleeps while the other doesn't. I do try to rest for at least 30 minutes at this time. Don't worry, if I accidentally fall asleep, there's always someone smacking me in the head with a ball or other such toy to wake me up. Next, I have to get dinner ready. Sometimes I have time to feed the kids before my hubby gets home from work. Sometimes there's 5 minutes left where I'm frantically trying to wash the dishes or pick up the massive explosion of toys at the last minute. There's always lots left undone when he takes over taking care of the kids while I go to work. :(

I guess I'm making excuses for being an unorganized & messy procrastinator. Sadly, the "lots left undone" part wouldn't bother me that much because clutter doesn't really get to me. It bothers my hubby, though. He is the clean, organized person. I'm a cluttery, let the kids have a free-for-all kind of person. It's OK to be a little messy, I guess, but not to the point of it being dangerous. Seriously, I'm always tripping over toys and hurting myself before I know it's needing to be picked up. Then I don't notice the stack of books and papers on my bureau until it all comes tumbling down when a fat cat lands on top of it in the middle of the night.

OK, after all that's said, I feel like a lazy person. But you know what? I was just like this when I was a kid! I wouldn't clean my room until a friend was coming over, & I would frantically stuff all the junk under my bed! I never got rid of things even if they were broken, so I guess that I'm a pack rat. I'm depressed thinking about this. I should be out there cleaning now instead of doing this. Sometimes I'm afraid that anything that I do would not be enough. There are days when I get to some of those cleaning chores, but the undone things are still too many undone things. I'm very sad about this. Maybe if I didn't feel so tired all the time and had more energy, maybe I would be more motivated to clean. I don't know.